05/16/2026
https://www.facebook.com/100076106251622/posts/985787673968099/?sfnsn=mo&mibextid=6aamW6
A tantrum is an intense emotional outburst—crying, yelling, kicking, hitting, collapsing, or saying “no” repeatedly. It reflects a child’s overwhelmed nervous system and undeveloped ability to self-regulate.
But tantrums are a healthy part of development.
The emotional brain (amygdala) activates, while the thinking brain (prefrontal cortex) goes offline. Children aren’t misbehaving, but rather, they’re dysregulated and need support from a calm, regulated adult.
What helps reduce tantrums over time:
✔ Stay calm: Children borrow regulation from us. If you escalate, they escalate.
✔ Stick to routines: Predictable structure lowers anxiety & helps children feel safe.
✔ Meet basic needs: Hungry, tired, or overstimulated kids are quicker to meltdown.
✔ Name emotions: Simple labeling helps organize big feelings. “You’re mad it was time to leave.”
✔ Use firm, consistent boundaries: Clear, reliable limits reduce power struggles. Children feel safer when they know what to expect & that you’ll calmly follow through.
✔ Teach calming tools: Practice deep breaths or squeezing hands in calm moments.
What makes tantrums worse:
❌ Talking too much: During a meltdown, the brain can’t process reasoning or negotiation.
❌ Yelling or shaming: Increases fear, shame, and emotional overload.
❌ Ignoring entirely: You don’t have to reward the behavior, but emotional or physical abandonment is harmful.
❌ Over-accommodating: Giving in teaches that big reactions get results. Hold firm boundaries with love.
During a tantrum:
✨ Stay close and grounded. Your calm is the anchor.
✨ Set simple, clear safety limits: “I won’t let you hit.”
✨ Minimal language: “You’re safe. I’m here.” Avoid lectures/questions.
After a tantrum:
💝 Reaffirm the relationship: "That was really hard. I’m still here. I love you.”
💝 Name what happened: “You were really upset when it was time to leave.”
💝 Offer a tool or alternative: “Next time, you can stomp your feet or squeeze your hands when you're mad.”
💝 Keep it brief: Reflection should be short, calm, and developmentally appropriate.
💝 Return to connection: Play, read, cuddle—show your child the relationship is intact and safe.
We're going further into this topic in our next 3-part webinar series (Raising Regulated, Resilient Children): Part 1: Co-regulation, Connection, & Cooperation
📅 When: May 27th I ⏰ Time: 12:00 PM EST
Sign-up now: https://www.weskoolhouse.com/event-details/three-part-sel-series-part-1-co-regulation-connection-cooperation
