10/06/2026
The loneliness I felt for most of my life was intensely painful.
And alcohol was the easiest solution.
If I was drunk, I didn’t really care that I was lonely.
But deciding to do life without alcohol meant loneliness came screaming back into the foreground. And in those early days, it felt nearly unbearable.
I read and follow a lot of groups for people who have quit (or are trying to quit) drinking, and feeling lonely is one of the most common struggles.
The advice is all the same… and it all misses the actual point.
Join a group based on a hobby or interest.
Find a church and get active.
Join sobriety groups.
Start volunteering somewhere.
Go to the gym.
Essentially, “put yourself in places where there are lots of people.”
And that’s not a bad thing. But being around people doesn’t solve loneliness if you haven’t done the inner work that makes building real friendships possible.
Here’s the advice I wish I would’ve gotten when I was just starting out, and the loneliness kept pulling me back toward the bottle:
~Get to know yourself. Your real self, the one that’s been hiding under expectations and fear of rejection for the past 30 years.
~Get real comfortable with your flaws, quirks, insecurities… all that stuff that you don’t really like about yourself. Learn to accept that it’s part of you, and make peace with it. Love yourself, in spite of your flaws. You weren’t meant to be perfect.
~Start letting people see that version of you. Some won’t love it. That’s okay. Some absolutely will.
~Learn about your unhealthy relationship habits, and work on them. Show up in friendships as the best version of yourself - for your sake, and for theirs.
Once you do these things, then that advice to put yourself in places where you’ll meet people becomes a lot more helpful. Because you’ll be ready to actually create and nurture real friendships.
Tell me - which feels harder for you right now? Meeting people, letting them see the real you, or keeping a friendship going once it’s started?
