No Alcohol Needed

Why are we all so bound and freaking determined to quit drinking without any help?

I mean, I kinda get it. That was me, too.

But man, it got So. Much. Easier. when I finally just decided to get some support.

Is it because there’s a stigma around ‘going to meetings’? Like it feels like something to be ashamed of?

Or does it just feel like it’s something you ought to be able to figure out by yourself, like you're weak if you can't?

I think for me maybe it was the fear that maybe I really was "that bad" and I didn't want to have to believe it.

And I've known people who show up to a group, and it's super helpful for a few months and then they’re like, “Okay, I’m good! I’ve got it figured out, and I don’t need help anymore!”

Like there's an almost desperate need to hurry up and not need support.

Which is cool, but like… I haven’t ‘needed’ a support group in years.

I just genuinely enjoy hanging out with my friends every Monday. It has nothing to do with ‘needing’ them. It’s all about just knowing there’s this great group of people who love sharing their lives with me, and who care about what I’ve got going on too.

It’s a lot more like just a night with a friend group than it is about getting support for a problem at this point.

So what gives? I’d honestly love to hear your thoughts. If you are still avoiding finding support of some kind, why is that? No judgement - like I said, I did the same thing. For years.

I’m just so glad I finally got desperate enough to try it out.

I was making it so much harder than it needed to be by trying to do it on my own.

And as always - we’re gonna be hanging out on Zoom tonight. If you need a friend group, we’ll welcome you right in! Details are in the comments, or you can always just send us a message and we’ll get you the info.

It's been an absolutely magical birthday. I will never stop being amazed that this is actually my life.

I teared up yesterday just from sheer awe and gratitude.

I have the most amazing people surrounding me. No matter what crazy adventure comes to mind, or what struggles I'm facing, they don't hesitate. They show up, all in.

My life is chaos right now. It's been a heck of a year. I got divorced, became an empty nester, found out I'm going to be a grandmother, and I'm just about to close on a house of my own.

That's a lot for one woman to handle, all at once.

And I'm doing it sober.

So many things I never thought I could handle without drinking - and there's no part of me that even wishes I could.

No time to take a breath between the next change. No time to pause and collect myself. No time to second guess myself - just trust that I know myself well enough now to make decisions and handle what comes next.

And I have never been so happy.

My life is so full, my heart is so full that sometimes it just overflows in tears.

Here's to 44. 🧡

You quit drinking. And it's good... but it just doesn't feel as great as you thought it would.

You're not and risk of burning down your life anymore, and that's a relief.

But life just kinda feels like a slog.

You used to look forward to happy hour at the end of the day, and now it feels like there's just not much to look forward to.

If that sounds familiar - you're in the right place.

That's exactly the stuff we talk about around here. Because we've been there, and then we found our way to the part where it gets really good.

And we help people like you get there, too.

Y’all we gotta talk about something.

I spent more time than was appropriate scrolling Facebook yesterday (I’m stressed out, it was my unhealthy coping mechanism of choice, don’t judge.)

And at least five times, in different emotional healing and recovery groups, I saw some version of this:

“He crossed my boundaries so he didn’t belong in my life and I cut him out.”
“She didn’t support my recovery the right way. I refuse to let that in my life.”
“That’s not what I need, so I walked away. I’m done.”

Now take this with a grain of salt because obviously it doesn’t pertain to every situation, but…
cutting people out of your life shouldn’t be the default to every relationship struggle. It should be the last resort.

Not all people are going to meet every single expectation that you have. Not all people will respond to boundaries the way you hope they will. Not everyone is going to agree with you and say the things you want to hear.

They’re not supposed to! Relationships will challenge you. And annoy you. And rub up against stuff that makes you uncomfy. That’s just human nature.

It’s part of the game.

But that doesn’t mean you immediately cut them out of your life. It’s no freaking wonder we’re such a lonely society.

And y’all, I’m totally guilty of jumping on this bandwagon early on in my own journey to whatever version of healed I am now. I walked away from people who meant well, who weren’t trying to hurt me, who just didn’t know exactly how to show up.

And I regret the hell out of it.

Here’s the thing. When someone pushes against a boundary; when they say something hurtful; when they don’t meet a need you were expecting them to meet… it’s absolutely possible to adjust the relationship instead of throwing a gr***de on it.

Maybe you take a step back. Maybe you accept that it’s going to be more of a “half relationship” than the deep, intimate relationship you’d hoped for. Maybe it needs a conversation about how you’re feeling, and a problem solving session to see if reconnection can happen. Maybe you consider what other forms that relationship could take that would still maintain the connection, even if it’s from a bit more distance. Or maybe you hit pause, but don’t burn the bridge all the way down - because you’ll change, and they’ll change, and maybe things will look different some day.

Not all people are supposed to slide right into your life like a perfectly fitting puzzle piece.

Instead of, “You don’t deserve to be in my life”, maybe start with, “What are this person’s actions telling me, and what are allllll the different ways I could respond to that information?” It’s not black and white. Almost always, there are a thousand answers to that question.

And again - because I feel like this needs to be repeated - you and I both know that I’m not referring to relationships that are abusive or dangerous.

Sometimes walking away is the best thing you can do.

But more often, healing looks more like figuring out what adjustments need to be made so the connection doesn’t disappear, and both people can operate in a way that allows them to honor themselves.

There are things waiting for you on the other side of alcohol that you can't even imagine yet.

But... they're not just gonna fall out of the sky and land in your lap.

You've gotta go looking.

Do things that are uncomfortable. Fail sometimes. Make a fool of yourself. (Speaking from experience 😅)

Alcohol was the thing in your way.

Now you get to find out what it was stopping you from.

Tell me I'm not the only one 😅

Anyone else get hit by a song every so often and just start crying?

I was driving to town today when Diamond Eyes by Shinedown came on, and hit allll the feels. Halfway through the first verse, it was clear there would be no turning off the tears.

I'm not even annoyed with myself.

My nervous system has been overloaded since I got back from hiking. So much going on, all at once. A lot that's out of my control. My stress level is way higher than it has been in months.

Sometimes tears are just the nervous system's way of balancing itself.

And that song is worth the tears anyway.

So I just let them flow and sang along at the top of my lungs. 🤷‍♀️

What's the last song that made you cry?