Coach for Veterans

As a coach, I often ask others - "What do you need?" and "How can I help?" ...

And as simple as these questions are to pose, they are often extremely difficult and sometimes close to impossible for those being asked to really pinpoint upfront.

But why?

Think about it - we are often so focused on everyone else that we don't pay particular attention to ourselves until... we NEED to. We are forced to... and these things start surfacing that put us in a mindset that are onslaught with feelings of - overwhelmingness, frustration, annoyance, moodiness - and more.

So many of us have a habitual way of thinking and the brain makes it easy to stay in that loop. Our brain and our habits make it familiar and easy to stay in that perpetual cycle of ignoring our own needs.

COACHING EXERCISE
Here is a quick exercise that might help break out of that cycle to focus on what is bubbling up inside of you.

Take some time to put yourself in a grounded stance. Feet planted on floor and take some deep breaths in.

Next, don't overthink or concern yourself with the logistics of the following questions:

What do I need right now?
What can I act on right now?
What can I act on in a few days to a week?
What can I act on in the coming months?
What am I afraid to act on?
How can I reach the support I need to act?

Hope this exercise helps!
And through it, don't be afraid to reach out to those in your network that are willing and able to help!
Happy Friday Eve!
-Dr. Prete

This week, in honor of Women Veterans Day (some states recognize on June 12), Amanda Huffman interviewed me about my dissertation research - The Post-9/11 Female Veterans Workforce Transition experience and my advice to other women veterans and women thinking about joining the Military on her Women of the Military Podcast!

Thank you Amanda for giving my research and other a voice! I am so grateful for your continued service!

I am also incredibly grateful to be able to give more voice to my research and our women veterans! I encourage you to listen in as Amanda and myself even touch on diversity and inclusion (and more!).

Together we are stronger!
- Dr. Prete, Coach Destinee

Post 9/11 Female Veterans Workforce Transition Experience - Episode 78 | Women of the Military This week in honor of June 12, 1948, when women were formally allowed to serve in the military I wanted to change up the focus on the podcast and share the work that Destinee Prete, Ph.D. has done through her research. Her dissertation: The Post 9/11 Female Veteran Workforce Experience: A Multiple C...

Shared on my other professional platform:

Look what just showed up in the mailbox for me!! 🎉🎉 The official certificate for my in Industrial/Organizational Psychology! My focus is consulting & psychological coaching! My topic was - The post-9/11 female veteran workforce transition experience: A multiple case study. I have already started two projects and am looking forward to future collaboration focused on and topics in I/O .

So excited that my journey landed in and research! It inspired me to start my , We2AreVets 501c3, which focuses on the recognition, honor and empowerment of our female veteran population! Much of my additional research focused on the military transition space. I can’t wait to continue to research and for our military and veteran communities!! This is just the beginning.

I started a series of posts 10 days ago with the hashtag and I encourage all of you to follow!

Please reach out if you’re interested in future collaboration and potential opportunities! I also created a group this week for Military Connected I/O Psychology. I’m also introducing a series of topics (mostly military) with 5 other I/O psychology women in the coming days!

Good morning! I did an interview earlier this week focused on thought leadership and how individuals and leaders can use this time to be more effective in their own personal pursuits and in their teams.

Your down time CAN be productive! I talked about how!

Happy Saturday!

I also talked about multitasking and how to be a mom to three small boys and try to work/life balance!

COVID-19: Lockdown with Thought Leader Destinee Prete (Ph. D) Destinee Prete talks about her life and experiences from before and during the lockdown for COVID19 with Bryan Shue.

Last week I started a series of posts on the POWER of positive thinking…

Today I want to address dealing with distorted thinking - developed when your brain learns to develop a pattern of thinking based on negative outcomes.

Lets apply some of these cognitive distortions to some experiences you may have as you from the and become a .

All-or-nothing thinking – You go to a job interview and you believe you scored the job, but then you never hear from the organization again. Then you think, ‘Wow, that was a bust! What a total failure!’ – You’ve looked at the situation as black or white and can’t see any shades of gray!

Overgeneralization – You hear that they hired another person, and they’re not a Veteran. You think, “They didn’t like me because I’m a Veteran! They clearly don’t see the value in !” – You’ve overgeneralized. You turn one bad experience into a broad, simplified conclusion.

These are just two examples of distorted thinking! Others include discounting the positive, personalization and mental filtering. Our brain loves to jump to conclusions – it requires less cognitive effort!

Consider – what cognitive distortions come up frequently for you? Identify and then consider two other alternative perspectives.

Last week I started a series of posts on the POWER of positive thinking...

Look - the truth is - you cannot avoid negativity at all times in your life, BUT, you can always use it as an opportunity for self-awareness, growth, and connection. Your goal should not be to numb yourself to negativity but rather, observe and acknowledge your thoughts (self-awareness) and you will find that by doing that, you can change the trajectory of how you feel, act and behave towards the situation (empowerment!).

I read something yesterday that said - Thoughts are just thoughts, and it's okay to have them, even if they make you uncomfortable.

Often our thoughts stem from distorted thinking and subconscious negative beliefs related to everyday things (like self-esteem, poor boundaries, and relationships to name a few).

Usually, the first thoughts and emotions you have are not really what is driving your negativity. You will need to do the work and peel back the layers. This can empower you to make meaningful changes!

Consider - what circumstances in that area of you life tend to bring up negativity for you? Then, what are the three things you can do to change the way you feel in that situation? (Remember, the power is with YOU!)

This week I started a series of posts on the POWER of positive thinking....

Thought I’d drop this message in your feed this Saturday morning.

Have a great weekend, make memories & don’t forget to laugh!

-Coach Destinee

journey update!

My defense has just been scheduled for Tuesday afternoon! 🎉😱

Sooner than I expected but so excited that it’s almost here!

This is the last major step in my journey!

I am getting my PhD in Industrial and Organizational with a focus on psychological coaching. I have dedicated all my studies and research in transition to include my which is on The post-9/11 female veteran experience from the to civilian workforce. It is a qualitative study, a multiple case study, that includes interviews from 13 women veterans from four different services and with ranks ranging from E-4 to O-6. Though these things vary, I was able to identify four major themes. I am so excited to use my academic journey to continue to fuel my passion in giving back to our community and to continue service beyond the uniform!

Can’t wait to continue to share more!!!

Happy Friday!!

This week I started a series of posts on the POWER of positive thinking...

If you are struggling to feel good about yourself or make progress towards your goals, it is likely positive thinking can feel like a ridiculous leap of faith.

If you are transitioning from the or a dealing with rejection from jobs, you may be able to relate eye rolling at positive thinking. Going from "I'm not going to get any better at this" to "I'll give it another go" requires an enormous amount of courage because you may actually 'fail' again. I even discussed yesterday that our brains (due to its design and dislike of ambiguity) will actually go straight back to those negative thoughts and feelings. Consider this - positive thinking is a practical tool and it is scientifically proven to have benefits such as a stronger immune system, more energy, improved mental health, better relationships and more professional success. Remember you can RETRAIN your brain and REFRAME your thoughts. It all starts with one positive thought in your day and seeing your failures and weaknesses as 'areas of development'. As a , I can help you with that too!

I challenge you to reframe a negative thought you have today!

Yesterday I started a series on posting about the POWER of positive thinking...

The most common method of sabotaging success in the future is getting stuck in the past!

Did you know that only 8 percent of people actually stick to their New Year's Resolution? Consider this - making changes involves "ambiguity" and the brain tries to avoid ambiguity at all costs because it means that it has to work harder to account for all the different possible outcomes. It basically takes more cognitive effort to incorporate changes and new perspectives and it does this because it is trying to maximize it's own efficiency. This is why it is SO EASY to get stuck in the past and revert back to bad habits and negative thinking. However, the brain CAN adapt! You can quite literally 'retrain your brain' and 'reframe your thoughts'.

In the , it can be a particularly challenging time! With so much uncertainty and unknown, it is no wonder why there is often so much stress and overwhelming feelings involved - it is ambiguous! There are ways to climb out of that 'dark' space and reach those goals! And simply put, it starts with positive & hopeful thinking!

I encourage you to share your positive thought of the morning below!

Earlier this morning I talked about the POWER of positive thinking... have you ever considered that you may hold yourself back at times? Have you ever considered your own "limiting beliefs"? In my previous job, I worked with our Wounded Warriors... these were Army Soldiers who were ill, wounded or injured and were, in most cases, being medically retired from the Army. In most of these cases as well, they possessed so many "self-limiting beliefs"... Many of these beliefs sourced from how they BELIEVED others would perceive them. Sure, many didn't understand their new limitations but the truth is, many quickly fell into the 'titles' that were associated with their limitations. "I'm too broken" or "I'm disabled and can't..." or a number of other beliefs that were strictly tied to their own internalization of perceptions of others. The best part was when I reminded them of all the amazing things they have accomplished and what they still COULD DO!

How many can relate? Probably ALL of us! If you put yourself under that light, it's easy to see yourself that way. It's time to REFRAME your thoughts!

Why not CHOOSE positive thinking? Food for thought...

-Coach Destinee

The POWER of positive thinking is a critical element to the experience from the life to your civilian life. There could likely be some experiences along your path such as being rejected from a job that may cause you to question, self-doubt and sometimes want to give up! This is too often the case with many service members and I have worked with. The first step in getting through these experiences is changing your frame of mind! The way you choose to think about these experiences impacts how you feel and your behaviors going forward. Framing these experiences and adopting a more positive and hopeful perspective can EMPOWER you! It really is all about perspective! I have 3 sons and in their bathroom I left a sign over the weekend that said - “one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day” You can choose to reframe your thinking... choose to reframe your perspective and ultimately, reach those desired outcomes!! You are truly capable of empowering yourself and it can all start with your first thought each morning! Have a great and productive day !