Alexa N Martinez

In my baby boy mom // plant mom era

📷

8/10/23 will always be the day I became a Mom 💜

I anticipated this anniversary date would come with more heaviness, but I’m feeling on the good side of “ok”.

A friend visited today and called me a “warrior”.
While I was IN IT, I wouldn’t have agreed.
I was drowning and even though I had a long list of understandable excuses, I wasn’t handling things well.

Pregnancy, loss, pregnancy, traumatic and tragic loss, pregnancy again…BIRTH & REBIRTH.

And a year later, on what would have been my first sweet baby boy’s first birthday, I am filled with gratitude for his existence and for the rollercoaster journey that’s led me to his little brother who gets to receive all the love a momma heart can give to not only one, but to two little boys.

Only now, a year later can I hear the word “warrior” and agree.

Happy birthday Gabriel Vincent Bowditch 🪽

I was always one of those girls who got along better with guys than other girls.
I had tumultuous relationships with other females most of my life.
As I approached my 30s and the desire to settle down took over, I knew I couldn’t run from it any longer.

I needed community outside of my romantic partner.
I realized I was putting way too much pressure on my relationship to provide things for me that only connection with other women could.

So…I started “friend dating”.
I found being on the hunt for great friends and community was much harder than dating for a boyfriend/husband.
I knew how to interact, get what I wanted, and be in relationships with men.
But to intentionally and vulnerably put myself into situations with other women felt like throwing myself to the wolves.

The first couple of months of my search weren’t very fruitful.
I would go to events and gatherings I found on FB events or Eventbrite.
I would have a series of surface level conversations and then leave thinking something had to be wrong with me.
I started to think maybe I had too high of standards, I was too guarded, I was too bold, edgy, confident in my body…generally TOO MUCH with a list too tall, no one would be able to make the cut. And if they couldn’t make the cut, oh well. I guess I was just meant to be a lone wolf.

It turns out, all that was absolute bu****it.

Eventually, I met some of my best friends and EVERYTHING changed.

They saw me and met me immediately.
They challenged ME in relationship and friendship.
They had range and depth and we all wanted a lot of the same things in life.

Nearly 5 years later, we have been with each other through some incredible highs and lows. We continue to show up, help each other grow, and build relationships that are more akin to true family than casual friends who like to hang out.
We are raising families together.
We are looking into living on land together.
And we consistently choose to recommit to our friendships and greater vision as a collective.

1/2 💜

Has your love been feeling stale as of late?

Have you and your partner been feeling more like roommates going through the motions than lovers?

Are you missing romance and novelty?

Turning all of that around is probably going to take more than the purchase of a new vi****or.

Finding your way back to intimacy and deep connection is a journey to better communication, understanding wants/needs/desires, revisiting the basics, and maybe learning a new embodied trick or two (when it comes to time spent in the bedroom).

All that to say -> everything you desire for your relationship is possible...

If you put in the work!

Maybe you feel ready to do the “work” but aren’t sure where to begin.
Maybe you feel like you have been putting in work but your partner hasn’t been reciprocating.
Maybe the hustle, bustle of life puts a damper on your desires getting met.

Well, my friend, I’ve got just the thing for you (which may or may not include that new vi****or purchase 😉)!

Couples Goals
•6 weeks of play, connection and transformation with me and Jordan
•One weekly live 90 minute interactive video call (6 total). Previous attendees have considered it a weekly date night where they knew they would be challenged to go deeper with one another, leaving turned on by each other and what is possible.
•1 private Women’s only session
•1 private Men’s only session
•24/7 exclusive communication with private Telegram text thread
•Priority access to and discounts on future S*x & Love Co. offerings (including retreats and other in-person experiences)

Work with me and my husband for just 6 weeks and watch your relationship and your love transform before your eyes!
We might not have all the answers to your relationship woes, but we have dedicated our lives to keeping families together and couples in love.

We’d be honored to hold you and your partner accountable to your relationship’s greatness this year.
Link in bio for more details and to register.
Have questions? Shoot me a DM!

You must be a vibrational match for what you want (in your relationship).

When I read that, I’m like - Yeah, OK. But what does that REALLY mean?

Let’s consider for a moment what you might want out of your relationship…

More romance, attention, novelty
To feel loved, adored, cherished, appreciated
To be prioritized, considered, respected

Maybe you want your partner to plan more dates.
Maybe you wish your partner took more time to be with you.
Maybe you desire your partner to take better care of himself physically and emotionally.
Maybe you want intimacy to unfold in a different way.
Maybe you have been feeling bored and restless with where your relationship has been and you want your partner to show up and do something, anything different!

Those are all valid wants and desires.

AND, what are YOU doing about them?

Consider yourself for a moment.
How are you making sure you are a match for the things you want in your relationship (and in your life in general)?

Many people think that getting their needs and desires met is just about communicating those needs and desires, but that’s only (potentially) part of the equation.

What behaviors are YOU displaying? What actions are YOU taking that directly correlate to you getting what you want outside of just asking for it?

You want more love and adoration?
You want him to do something that shows you he cares about you?

You have to be a match for that.

What’s not a match for that?
Criticism, control, and complaining.

What is a match for that?
Appreciation, warmth, and openness.

If you walk around bitter all the time because you think your partner doesn’t care about you any more and every time he walks into the room you throw sad and disappointing energy and words in his direction, do you think that gets you love and kindness? Or do you think that gets you more lack, longing, and disappointment?

I can answer that one for you - it gets you the latter every time.

So what’s a lady with a heavy heart to do?
You tend to yourself.
You work on clearing your energy.
You work on your own personal regulation.

1/3 💜
(cont.)

At the Virtual Couples Retreat my husband and I led over last weekend, I had the privilege and honor of witnessing 36 couples reconnect with one another by going back to the basics.

We started the experience out with a one minute hug, that led into a slow dance, that led into giving and receiving desired touch.

Nothing revolutionary!

And yet, I watched energy shift, walls come down, tears fall, and stoic faces turn to smiles.

So many people forget what it’s like to bask and revel in the simple when it comes to their romance. It was nice to remind people that access to deeper intimacy with the person they care the most about, doesn’t have to be complicated.

Many people think that what they are missing in their relationship is better, more effective communication.

And while that may be true on some level, I think sometimes people are missing opportunities to connect that involve less talking.

A lot of what couples experience day to day consists of a lot of verbal processing. Between juggling individual lives, work, commitments, along with little people commitments (if they have children), so much connection happens over logistics and figuring things out.

But love and intimacy aren’t always best approached the same way.

It’s great to set time aside each week to connect, but couple’s are then often faced with the question, “What do we do now?”

If you’ve been feeling more like roommates recently than lovers and romantic partners, here’s a little nudge to go back to what’s tried and true:

Sit across from each other and into each other’s eyes for a while
Hug or snuggle for several minutes
Put on that playlist you like and slow dance together
Give each other loving and grounding (no strings attached) touch
Do things that slow you both down so that you can be fully present with one another. And see what opens up between the two of you from there.

Before planning elaborate date nights or trying to squeeze a bunch of additional activities into your already packed schedules, go back to the basics!

1/2 💜
(cont.)

Hi 💜
It’s the new year.
I’m back.

If you’re new around here, here’s what’s been going on.
I’ve been a s*x, love, and relationship coach for seven years.
I’ve been “That S*x Chick” for a little for four.
I’ve worked with thousands of people - all ages, s*xes, and relationship dynamics.

In the Fall of 2022, my husband and I decided to start trying to grow our family.
After three months of trying, I experienced an early miscarriage.
After I healed, we started trying again, and three months later I was pregnant with our son, Gabriel.
Around 20 weeks pregnant, we found out our baby boy had Down syndrome.
Two weeks later, I went into preterm labor and delivered him on August 10, 2023.
He weighed 1.5lbs and was with us for about an hour and a half before he passed away.

His birth and death completely tore my world apart.
Everything I loved and knew changed in an instant.
All the plans I had for my future went dark.
It was the most challenging time of my life.

After Gabriel’s birth, I made an agreement with myself that I wouldn’t shy away from the grief process and that I would fully show up for my healing - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
I did my very best to hold myself, to be tender with myself, and to show up for myself in ways I’ve never done before.
I told myself, my family, and friends that I was taking a break from work and typical life commitments until the end of 2023.

At two months postpartum, I found out I was surprisingly pregnant again.
I had to switch gears and not only focus on grief work, but also on how to let love and hope in again.

I’m currently 17 weeks pregnant with another little boy.
While my heart absolutely aches for the son I didn’t get to mother, I have the opportunity to integrate the experience I had into the mother I am becoming. A mother who has so much empathy, patience, and compassion for her child/children.

With the start of 2024, my “break” from has come to a close.
And I feel ready for it.
I needed a lot of space to just be where I was at.
Now, I’m feeling the inspiration to blossom into where I’m going.
And I feel motivated to do the work that’s required to get there.

I don’t know what the future holds for “That S*x Chick” or my company, S*x & Love Co., but I know things are shifting and evolving.

I’m not the same woman I was before loss or before starting my pregnancy journey and I’m looking forward to how these life experiences inspire growth not only in me personally, but in the work I do with my beloved community and cherished clients.

*My return to coaching and leading is kicking off with me co facilitating a virtual couple's retreat alongside my incredible husband, Jordan. It's three workshops over the course of one day and it's unlike anything we've produced and delivered before! You'll be guided through exercises that will leave you feeling more connected to your significant other.
And you will take home practical tools and resources to set you and your relationship up for success this year.
You can register for the event by following the link in my bio. If you have additional questions, feel free to send me a PM.