04/01/2026
đźš© RED FLAG ALERT! đźš©
Did you know that research shows that the MORE trusting you are, the more you’re likely to spot when somebody’s lying?
Weird, right?
But that’s exactly what researchers Nancy Carter and J. Weber found in their research paper, “The Pollyanna Effect.”
Counterintuitivelty, the very reason that trusting people seems to work in exposing lies is that people who trust often aren’t looking for “tells” that aren’t there — so when one shows up, they’re ready to spot it.
Because they aren’t distracted by being suspicious of every little thing, when they see a REAL sign that someone is untrustworthy, it sticks out like a big red STOP sign.
Can you see how this might be useful in dating?
In dating, sometimes it can feel safer to look for hidden “signs” that the men you date are out to get you, or to assume the worst and wait to be proven wrong.
We think that when we assume the worst, we’ll be safer because then people will not make it through our filters by default.
But research shows that actually, assuming the worst makes us LESS safe in the long term: Because when EVERYTHING looks like a stop sign, we won’t be able to spot the REAL spot signs.
How can you use this information to help you to spot the REAL red flags the next time you date?
