Bridge The Gap For Kids

Children Mirror What They Experience. Even Before Birth.

I was working with a family this week during parent guidance and the topic of stress, anxiety and fear came up. Here are some important things to remind yourself.

From the moment a child begins to grow in the mother’s womb, they are deeply connected to the emotions, energy, and environment of the people closest to them, especially their primary caregivers. Research shows that babies begin tuning into the world through the mother’s nervous system, picking up on cues of stress, fear, safety, or calm.

That means your anxiety, your way of handling frustration, stress from work or how you respond to conflict becomes a kind of emotional blueprint for them. YES. THIS STARTS FROM INSIDE THE MOTHERS BELLY!!

For example, if a child constantly sees an adult panic over the smallest things, yell when they don’t get their way, or shut down during overwhelming moments, they begin to learn that this is how you cope. And unfortunately there is a high probability that they will mirror that. On the other hand, if they consistently witness a calm voice during conflicts, deep breaths when frustrated or angry, or healthy pauses during tough moments, they’ll begin to internalize those strategies instead.

Children don’t just HEAR what we say—they WATCH what we do.

So before we try to change their behavior, we must reflect on what we’re showing them. If you don’t like how they are scared to try new things, look at yourself. If you don’t like how they yell at friends when they are angry, look at yourself. If you don’t like how they don’t eat a well balanced meal, look at yourself. (While also KNOWING and having the intelligence to understand what is developmentally normal vs what is being learned.)

MOST of the time- it starts with YOU. Your kids are watching YOU. They are handling situations the way YOU do. They are speaking the way YOU do.

Start modeling now. They’re always watching—whether they’re in your arms or still growing in your belly!

Creating boundaries doesn’t make you a strict parent-it makes you a sturdy one!

Here are my 6 boundaries I instill with my clients and their parents!

1.) Your room, your rules. (But with limits).
“ you don’t have to let anyone in your room if you don’t want to, but slamming doors or shutting us out isn’t okay.” - this teaches them autonomy while also reinforcing respect.

2.) “Not now” IS a complete sentence.
“I hear you, and I will listen to what you have to say, but not when I am in the middle of something”
-this teaches them that sometimes we have to wait, teaches them that they matter and that you want to intentionally listen to them, while also letting them know that(parents) time and space is valued too.

3.) Consent applies at HOME TOO
“If you don’t want a hug right now, that’s okay. If (parent) doesn’t want to be climbed on, that’s okay too.”
- this teaches them that their body’s are valued and respected- with also acknowledging other peoples body’s deserve respect as well.

4.) Technology is a PRIVILEGE, NOT a RIGHT.
“I’m not taking your device because I’m a mean parent, I’m limiting it because your brain and body need a break”
- this teaches them that their parents care about them, and sets a healthy relationship with screens from a early age.

5.) You can feel angry, but you can’t hurt yourself or others physically or verbally.
“It’s okay to be angry or mad, but to keep us safe we can’t throw our bodies, if you want to throw your body you can jump into this pile of pillows”.
-this teaches them that their emotions are valid but hurting themselves or others is not okay and their are other ways to release the tension in their bodies.

6.) I’m here, but I won’t rescue you from everything.
“I will always support you, but I won’t do your homework, daily task, fix friendships or fight your battles for you”
- this teaches them to gain independence and build up their problem solving skills. It also gives them permission to try things on their own and know they have your support.

Boundaries aren’t walls between you and your children!! They are guidelines that help them feel safe, respected and capable!

Save or send this to someone who may need this information to help with feeling guilty for setting boundaries ❤️