SpiritSong High Conflict Divorce Coaching, LLC

07/14/2026

It's been a minute since I shared anything here on FB, but that doesn't mean I haven't been busy. As a personal update, I'm currently about to start my last year in school, with anticipated graduation in May 2027 with my Bachelor's degree in social work. I plan to pursue my Master's after that. I have also been working with the team at Best Foot Forward LLC, as both a coach and an enrollment specialist. Working with Renee and the team over at BFF, I have a front row seat into the system and am seeing directly how the professionals involved in custody disputes are getting it wrong. There are new laws like Kayden's Law (federally adopted as part of the Violence Against Women Act, 2022) and state specific laws that require GAL's, evaluators, etc. to have coercive control specific training and continuing education. However, there are no child-facing screening tools, and no standard for what meets the coercive control criteria.

I have been working on a resource document for protective parents, as well as professionals involved in family court custody disputes--Judges, lawyers, GALs, Evaluators, Mental health professionals, co-parent counselors, etc. I'm very proud of this resource and while I do plan to see what I can do with it and how I can expand its reach, I am feeling the need to publish and make it available.

It's called the "Coercive Control in Family Court; Training Guide and Resource Library and is available on my website as a free download. I've been using it as a template for a TikTok series and have gotten lots of great feedback from protective parents.

I hope you will check it out and please download it--print it out--show your lawyer so they can hold the GALs and others accountable for the training and education required of them by law in your state.

05/02/2026

01/26/2026

"That feeling you’re feeling right now—as we collectively witness our own government harassing, disappearing, and killing people in the street—is not all that different from what a protective parent feels trying to protect their children from an abuser in family court."

We've all been forced to see it--and the question now becomes "What are we going to do about it?" Read the rest of blog here:

That feeling you’re feeling right now—as we collectively witness our own government harassing, disappearing, and killing people in the street—is not all that different from what a protective parent feels trying to protect their children from an abuser in family court.

12/29/2025

I've covered this topic before with my blog, but it's an important one. Mediation in a "high conflict" (aka, divorcing your abuser) can be scary. Here's what you need to know.

Many states require mediation before trial, especially when child custody is disputed. In theory, mediation can be a useful tool when both parties are reasonable and acting in good faith.

12/20/2025

Exploitativeness and Rage--the final pieces of the DIMMER model of coercive control and narcissistic abuse. My blog today focuses on the impact of exploitativeness and rage post-separation, esepcially as it impacts the kids.

Over time, children exposed to exploitativeness may internalize the belief that their worth is tied to what they provide rather than who they are. They learn to monitor, manage, and accommodate adult emotions to preserve connection.

12/17/2025

Manipulation is hard to unpack when you're an adult. Helping our kids navigate manipulation with their coercive controlling parent is so important to their development and to maintaining their healthy connection to you.

In short, manipulation is the knock-out punch after the emotional erosion of minimization. If minimization makes you doubt your reality, manipulation tells you what to do with that doubt.

12/04/2025

This. This will be the difference in helping your kids manage through the trauma and stay connected to you. 💙

A coercive controller does not only target the protective parent. They target the entire family system, including the child. Their goal is simple. Break the child’s attachment to the protective parent and replace it with dependency on themselves.

Children learn this quickly because the home environment teaches them how to adapt. Some days the predatory parent is calm. Other days they are explosive or unpredictable. The child never knows which version is coming, so they start watching every detail. They adjust their tone, their behavior, even their needs, just to stay out of danger.

This is not a conscious choice. It is survival. Their nervous system is doing the job of keeping them safe.

Over time, the predatory parent uses well-worn tactics to pull the child closer and push you out.
➡️They gaslight the child about your intentions.
➡️They use the child as a messenger or spy.
➡️ They withdraw love when the child pushes back.
➡️They become the “fun” parent or the “wounded” parent, depending on what keeps the child close.
➡️They make the child responsible for their emotions.

When you add it all together, the child is left believing the safest place is with the parent who holds the most power.

This does not mean the child cannot attach to you. It means the abuser has created conditions where aligning with them feels necessary.

The attachment you have with your child is still there. It is fractured, not gone. And connection can be rebuilt when your child senses they are safe with you, even when their behavior does not look like it.

If you are living this, you are not failing. You are witnessing the exact tactics coercive controllers use with every protective parent I work with.

What tactic showed up first in your home?

10/29/2025

The metaphor continues. We're all in Family Court now. 💔

The parallels between what’s happening in our nation and what happens to victims of abuse in family court are stark.

08/29/2025

The first M of the DIMMER model of coercive control (Dr. Ramani) is Minimization. What makes it different that dismissiveness or invalidation? A quick 2-min. read will help explain.

Minimization slowly erodes your confidence in perceiving what’s happening to and around you. For victims of coercive control, it often happens in private, with no one else around to validate your experience.

08/17/2025

Ever been told you were being too sensitive or that what you experienced didn't really happen? The second piece in my series unpacking the DIMMER model of narcissistic abuse. Today we talk about invalidation and how it goes hand-in-hand with dismissiveness to erase you--dim your light. It's a quick 4-min read and just might open your eyes a little to the insidious ways this kind of abuse works to erode your sense of self. https://www.spiritsonghighconflictdivorcecoaching.com/post/i-is-for-invalidation-unpacking-the-second-layer-of-the-dimmer-model-of-abuse