Learning Lab Consulting

I experienced depression, and I gained empathy.

Q: Tell me more.

A: I think depression can be very personal for people. For me particularly, because I am in my fifties, when I get depressed my spiraling thoughts have a lot to do with ideas of being a successful women I’ve lived with my whole life. My depression has me upset that I don’t have kids, or I don’t live close to family. Things I normally am not upset about.

Being a high school teacher in this day and age, I frequently have students who identify as mentally ill—depression, anxiety, a variety of things. Going through depression has made me identify with them even more. With depression in anyone, but especially young people, others might think, “Oh, this is just a phase.” Now having had depression, I take them seriously.

When there are things you can’t see—depression, Lupus, anxiety—people don’t always take you seriously, though they do more now. It makes my heart bigger when people confide in me their mental health issues.

Q. What do you want other people who have also experienced depression to know?

I want them to know—and I don’t know where I heard this phrase—I want them to know you’ve already survived your worst days. When I am depressed, I feel like I am not going to survive the day. Sometimes in the space you forget that you’ve survived it before.

What do you want people who have NOT have depression to know?

I do get nervous sometimes when I talk about depression with students, because I don’t want parents to hear about it and to think someone “crazy” is taking care of their students, because I know some people feel that way, but I’m trying to be very transparent and honest about having depression as part of normalizing it.

I have students who need help, but the parents don’t give gravitas to what they say, or they’re embarrassed because of how they think about mental illness. I want them to know—everyone to know—that depression is a very serious thing.

Small is beautiful. Small equals close. Case in point: Three adults, two kids, and two dogs in the widow seat of my my kitchen for Jamey's 40th birthday. This photo was unplanned! Everyone just happened to be piled up there... Our home is built for that; it's tiny by most modern standards— 967 feet for a family of four (five if you count my pup Tucker, which I do). In the United States today, a house of our size is often considered a "starter home," and we thought it would be. But then we decided to stay. It was a conscious choice that we made. And a choice that influences what we buy and how we live in the most positive ways. We think about living with less, and we value the connection we feel in our tiny rooms where we can't get away from each other easily. We live in a world where connection is at a premium; people crave it so much, but we have it so little. I share this because I am thinking about how it's entirely possible to make choices that are for our health, but completely against what society tells us will make us happy. Our little home, and our absolute happiness there, is proof of that.

This. Is. Truth. Education, including adult development, is about more than just teaching “work”. Everywhere we go, we’re humans learning to live... This quote from Du Bois was in the Beyoncé documentary Homecoming, which records the journey and outcome of becoming the first African American female to headline Coachella. It was so powerful to see how education was such a strong theme of the performance and the preparation.... We’re all learning, always. @ Columbus, Ohio

A late update on how my silent retreat went: transformative. I will definitely be writing more about it. For now I just want to share that I feel like I am understanding what true self compassion is on a deeper level—and perhaps for the first time. While I consider it the work of my life to try and create safe space for others to be who they truly are, this may be the first time I have experienced someone creating that safety for me to grow and develop—certainly the first time it was so purposeful and loving. The silence was described as "friendly," and I was encouraged to care for my needs the whole time. I realized that while I no longer say terrible things about myself in my head (something I started working on five or so years ago), I am still very demanding of myself, and definitely to a fault. I realized I was seeing my body, mind, spirit, as a tool and caring for them that way, not as something to love and cherish. I came back and made some hard decisions, good decisions, and am taking things a bit slower. I am feeling really good and excited to share more. Thanks to everyone who sent me love and positive wishes! So many folks did, and I felt that, too. (Photo was taken from the plane window on the way home)

Things I won't be doing for the next seven days: talking, reading, writing, looking at electronic devices of any kind, wearing makeup, drying my hair. Things I will be doing a lot of: meditation, listening, seeing. I will be offline at the Insight Meditation center in Barre Massachusetts through next Friday. This is my second silent retreat; the last one was 10 days. It was a WILD experience last time, and I am excited (and nervous) to try it again. Feel free to send me all the good vibes this week! XO @ Columbus, Ohio

“In any company that thrives in our complex and uncertain world, leaders must be listening intently, with a deep understanding that PEOPLE are both the sensors who pick up signals that change is necessary and the source of creative new ideas to test and implement.” Especially in our swiftly changing, technologically advanced culture, people are the most advanced tool we have for growth and innovation. As a leader, it always pays off to pause, listen, and reflect with a team. @ Columbus, Ohio

Searching through piles of ideas, stacks of language, this morning. Moving closer to the structures that will allow me to go forward. This is what writing looks like this morning.

"Winter clears the landscape, however brutally, giving us a chance to see ourselves and each other more clearly." These words of Parker Palmer describe the metaphorical gifts of winter, a season he says we can't be scared to walk out into, as its the only way to healthfully survive long months of cold and darkness. A few years ago, I read these words from "Let Your Life Speak," and they inspired me to invest in a warm winter coat, gloves, and hat, that would allow me to enjoy the outdoors in every season. I had, nonetheless, taken fewer walks in the last few months. Today I remembered, and I have been out again, walking the whole morning. I feel cold but rejuvenated, reminded. Every season has its gifts. @ Columbus, Ohio

“You are wearing high heels. High heals say something. They say ‘I'm too fancy for regular shoes.’” (Having an 8-year-old keeps me grounded.) Have a HAPPY Friday! Hope you find a reason to laugh and smile today. I’ve already had mine.

Holiday Newsletter 2: My FAVORITE (Good) Things Cont. - Looking for low cost self-care gifts for you and your loves ones? Here are a few ideas. https://mailchi.mp/c85cb3a18ec5/holiday-newslettermy-favorite-good-things-1736289

Holiday Newsletter: My FAVORITE (Good) Things - Treat yo self for the holiday season. I have created a list of FREE things to inspire and fulfill you. https://mailchi.mp/ce77b23ab79d/holiday-newslettermy-favorite-good-things

“Pursuing the common good over a great cup of coffee.” That’s the mission of Third Way Cafe. In my own words, building community around what matters through human interaction and engagement. Last night’s author talk and book signing was a perfect example of this mission in action. I was so pleased to have the opportunity to talk about mindfulness, gratitude, growth, and connection in such a space and with such people. Thanks to everyone who showed up, and especially to for making a connection and being passionate about both the Hilltop community and “Myths of Being Human.” What a great night!
@ Third Way Cafe