Rhythms of Attachment Counseling and Consulting

Good reminders

Trauma-Informed Insight Series:
The Difference Between Discipline and Punishment

Discipline and punishment are not the same—and the difference matters.

Punishment focuses on control.
Discipline focuses on growth.

Punishment asks: “What rule was broken?”
Discipline asks: “What skill is missing?”

One creates short-term compliance.
The other builds long-term change.

If we want better behavior, we can’t just react—we have to teach.

Because behavior is communication… and every response is a lesson.

Finding Community: Local Resources for Special Needs Parents

Finding Community: Local Resources for Special Needs Parents Parenting a child with special needs can sometimes feel isolating. Thankfully, Colorado Springs has some great options for community.

So excited to be here in Durango spending a few days talking about Presence and Interpersonal Nuerobiology with one of my favorites - Robyn Gobbel! Learning so much about how healing happens!

Send a message to learn more

Learning to feel safe with yourself and connected to your body is the first step to relaxing your nervous system and being open for connection with others.
Let's start by pausing and just breathing. Close your eyes and slow your breathing until you notice where your breath filling within your body...is it your chest or you abdomen? See if you can get your breath to fill your abdomen. Now notice how nice it feels to expand your belly and then empty it. Done. Resume life.
Repeat as necessary throughout your day.

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Before a child can manage their emotions, they first need to notice them.
That begins with interoception — the hidden sense that helps the brain read the body’s signals.

A racing heart, a heavy chest, butterflies, a tight tummy — these are the body’s early messages.
When a child can’t interpret them, emotions can appear “sudden” or “out of nowhere.”
They’re not ignoring how they feel — their brain simply isn’t getting a clear signal yet.

Understanding interoception helps us respond with patience, not punishment — and teach children how to recognise what their body is trying to say.

Explore Managing Big Feelings: The Toolkit for Parents & Educators — practical guidance to help children build awareness, understanding, and self-regulation. Link in comments below ⬇️ or via Linktree Shop in Bio.

“He just needs a spanking.”
I’ve heard that phrase a time or two over the years. What people don’t understand is that sometimes what looks like a meltdown is really something much deeper.

Because he came to us as a baby, many assume he couldn’t possibly carry the weight of trauma. “He doesn’t remember life before you,” they say. & I wish it worked that way. But the truth is—trauma impacts even the youngest of children. Yes, even infants removed at birth.

Not carrying him for nine months doesn’t make him any less my child. But it does mean his beginning looked different than if I did. No prenatal care, poor nutrition, substance exposure, high stress during pregnancy & delivery. All of that is trauma before a baby even takes their first breath. & then there’s the separation from the only body he’d ever known. That in itself is trauma.

What I’ve learned is that trauma is tricky. It literally reshapes the brain. The wounds aren’t always visible, but the effects show up in ways people often misinterpret. Parenting a trauma-impacted child is one of the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It goes against every natural instinct not to lose my patience when his behaviors spiral. But I can’t. Because I know this isn’t “bad behavior”, it’s his body sounding an alarm he doesn’t have words for.

His brain may not hold the memories. But his body sure does.

Opposition
Defiance
Lying
Sneaking
Back-Talk
Non-Compliance
Ignoring
Withdrawing
Shutting Down

These are behaviors that let us know the nervous system is in protection mode.

What's the solution?

It's not punishment or consequences.

It's inviting the nervous system into connection mode with regulation, connection, and felt safety.

This is exactly what you'll learn in Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors!!!

What behavior that isn't listed on this image is a dead-give-away that your child (or you?!) is in protection mode?

Groundbreaking research from University College London and the Anna Freud Centre shows children exposed to family conflict display brain activity similar to combat veterans. fMRI scans revealed heightened responses in the amygdala and anterior insula, regions linked to threat detection. While adaptive short term, this rewiring raises long-term risks of anxiety and mental health issues, highlighting the urgent need for early intervention.