04/15/2025
Parental relationships typically change from authority-based to mutual respect-based in early adulthood. If there was a lack of recognition or respect for adoptee identity in childhood, this is often clarified in adult-child to adoptive-parent dynamics...making for a very painful wake-up call for the adoptee.
Many adoptees navigate the natural shift of dynamics with their adopters by trying to prove adoption impact was real or keeping up lines of fake dependency on adopters well into their adult lives.
This doesn't work.
Either the adoptee is left entirely unheard, or the adopters grow tired of it and begin to take advantage of the adoptee fiscally or emotionally.
If an adoptive parent was not capable of recognizing and addressing adoption trauma in their adoptee's childhood, retroactively addressing it in adulthood is highly unlikely. For the adoptee, this means that a respectful and meaningful relationship is also unlikely.
Because parental dynamics shift with age, the adoptee must grapple with this reality and determine boundaries that are appropriate for their adopter's capacity as soon as possible, in order to avoid wasting time or being taken advantage of.
