Ther-ART-py

“Dear Angelica,
My husband stopped drinking, and I’m grateful… but I’m also frustrated.

It feels like he just traded one thing for another. Now it’s food. He wants all the snacks, all the sugar, all the takeout. It’s like there has to be an abundance of food in the house at all times.

Groceries are high, he’s not really working steadily, and I feel like I can’t win for losing. On one hand I’m glad he’s not drinking. On the other hand, I’m watching him gain weight and I’m stressed trying to keep up with the cost and the chaos.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful by complaining, but I also don’t know how to live like this long term.”

Signed, Grateful But Over It

My response:
Dear Grateful But Over It,
You’re allowed to feel both: grateful he stopped drinking and frustrated that something else has taken its place. That doesn’t make you ungrateful. It makes you honest.

When someone trades alcohol for food, gaming, or anything else, it’s often a sign that the deeper pain or pattern hasn’t been dealt with yet. I’m not a therapist, but in my experience, if you’re just swapping one addiction for another, there’s usually something underneath that still needs attention.

Here’s what I want you to remember: progress, not perfection. Sobriety is a step. It’s an important one. But it’s not the whole journey...for him or for you.

What you can do:

Encourage him to get into therapy or a program that looks at the root of why he needed to numb out in the first place.

Give him grace for being in process, while also holding your own line about what you can and cannot do.

And yes, you get to set boundaries. You can say:
“I’m happy you’re not drinking, but I can’t keep buying extra food every week. Here’s what we can afford. If you want more, we have to figure out a different plan.”

You don’t have to carry all the financial and emotional cost of his new habit just because it looks ‘better’ than the old one.

A coaching step for you this week:
Write down what is better since he stopped drinking, and what is still heavy. That list will help you see your reality clearly and decide your next boundaries.

If you’re in this ‘after the drinking’ season and still feel like you’re drowning, you don’t have to do it alone. You can text your anonymous “Dear Angelica” letter to 708‑314‑6864 or reach out about coaching spaces where we talk about exactly this.

Say It Out Loud Sunday: Dear Angelica

“Dear Angelica,
Nobody really talks about this part, but I will. We are not having s*x. At all.

Between his drinking, the arguments, the lies, and the emotional distance, the intimacy just disappeared. Even when he can perform, I am so turned off and disconnected that my body is like, absolutely not.

I miss feeling wanted. I miss feeling soft and s*xy and like somebody’s woman, not just somebody’s roommate, mom, and problem solver.

I feel guilty even saying it out loud, because there are already so many other issues. But the truth is, I am lonely in my own bed.”

My response:
Sis, hear me on this. You are not wrong, selfish, or childish for wanting intimacy. You are a whole woman. Wanting touch, pleasure, and closeness does not make you shallow. It makes you human.

Living with addiction will shut your body down. Your nervous system has been in “survive and protect” mode for a long time. It is very hard to feel turned on when you do not feel safe, seen, or emotionally held. There is nothing broken about you for feeling that way.

You do not have to let this season steal your softness. You can still pour into your own sensuality even if s*x with him is off the table right now. Grab yourself something pretty from Fenty or wherever you like to shop, light a candle, put on music you love, and remember what it feels like to see yourself as beautiful, not just busy. Thank me later.

You can also play. Take that pole class, twerk cardio, or sensual movement class you have been side‑eyeing. If you need names of instructors, I know some amazing ones. Send me a message and I can connect you. And if toys or tools help you reconnect with your own pleasure, there is no shame in that either.

At the same time, you deserve emotional support around all of this. Therapy or coaching can give you a place to say, “I am lonely,” without being judged. You do not have to shrink your needs just because addiction has taken up so much space in your relationship.

You are still allowed to be soft, s*xy, and desired, even in the middle of a hard season.

If this is you, you are not the only one lying next to someone and feeling completely alone. You can text your anonymous “Dear Angelica” letter to 708‑314‑6864 or reach out about coaching spaces where we talk about intimacy as part of your healing, not separate from it.

If we’re being real…

it’s not just his addiction that’s exhausting you.

It’s being a single married woman.
It’s co-parenting… even when you’re not supposed to be doing it alone.
It’s picking up the financial pieces when things fall through.
It’s constantly adjusting your mood, your words, your expectations… just to keep the peace.

It’s the mental load.
The emotional weight.
The “let me just handle it” that nobody sees.

And after a while… it’s not just tiring.

It’s heavy.

I’m creating a space for women who are living this ...not the version people post online.

A space where you don’t have to explain it.
A space where you don’t have to hold it together for a little while.

🗓 July 26 at 12 PM CST

I’ll share more soon.

But if you read this and felt it in your chest…
stay close.

Say It Out Loud Sunday: Dear Angelica

“Dear Angelica,
I’m embarrassed. And I’m embarrassed to even say that I’m embarrassed.

I feel stupid for still being here. I feel judged when I think about telling anybody what’s really going on with his drinking. I keep asking myself, ‘What kind of woman lets this go on for this long?’

So I just smile, show up, pretend everything is fine, and then cry in private. I don’t even know how to start talking about it without feeling ashamed.”

Signed, Embarrassed and Tired

My response:
Dear Embarrassed and Tired,
I hear you. And I want you to know: feeling embarrassed does not mean you’re weak or foolish. It means you care what happens to you, to your family, and to the picture people have of your life.

I’ve been there. I’ve carried my own embarrassment about someone else’s drinking, and honestly, it still pops up sometimes. The shame voice says, “You should’ve known better,” or “Why are you still dealing with this?” That voice is loud, but it’s not the truth.

Speaking it out loud and getting support is not something to be ashamed of. It’s actually a sign that you are done suffering in silence and ready to choose yourself, even if you’re not ready to make a big decision yet.

A small coaching step for you this week:
Write down one honest sentence you’re willing to say out loud about your situation. Not the whole story...just one line like, “Things at home are harder than I let on,” or “His drinking is affecting me more than I admit.” Practice saying that sentence to yourself in the mirror. When you’re ready, share it with one safe person.

You’re not the only Black woman trying to hold it together while feeling embarrassed underneath. You deserve support that doesn’t judge you.

If this sounds like you, you can text your anonymous “Dear Angelica” letter to 708‑314‑6864 and I may respond in a future Sunday post.

If this has been on your mind all week…
this is your sign to stop overthinking it.

Tomorrow, you get 90 minutes where you don’t have to be the strong one.

Not for your job.
Not for your family.
Not for anyone.

Just you, a pen, a piece of paper…
and a space to finally exhale.

No pressure. No sharing required. No replay.

Just a moment to put everything down.

If you’ve been waiting for the “right time”… this is it.

👉 Grab your spot now: https://www.ther-art-py.com/blank

Maybe you just found this page. Maybe you meant to grab early‑bird and life happened.
Either way, there’s still room for you.

On June 7 at 12 pm CT, we’re gathering online for
“I’m Tired of Being the Strong One: A 90‑Minute Creative Reset for Women Who Carry It All.”

Ticket price is now 27 USD, and you still only need a pen, a piece of paper, and a quiet corner.
You’re allowed to need this. You’re allowed to be held, too.

Text “STRONG ONE” to 708‑314‑6864 and I’ll send you the link to register.

Maybe you’ve been quietly thinking,
“I’m tired of being the strong one…”

…and then kept going anyway.

This is your moment to do something different.

On Sunday, June 7 at 12 pm CT,
you get 90 minutes where you don’t have to carry everything.

Just a pen, a piece of paper… and permission to be real about how you’re actually doing.

No pressure. No expectations. Just space.

👉 Save your spot: https://www.ther-art-py.com/blank

Say It Out Loud Sunday: Dear Angelica

Some of us are carrying whole stories about someone else’s drinking and haven’t told a soul. We’re embarrassed, confused, or just tired of hearing our own voice talk about it.

Say It Out Loud Sunday is your space to get some of that out of your head and onto “paper.” You send the letter, I read it with care, and I respond here so you don’t have to figure it out alone.

If you’re loving someone with a drinking problem and want my perspective, text your anonymous “Dear Angelica” letter to 708‑314‑6864.

You’ve seen this come across your feed a few times now.

You probably paused… read it… and thought,
“yeah… that’s me.”

And then kept scrolling.

Not because you don’t need it.
But because you’re used to putting yourself last.

Used to saying “I’ll do it later.”
Used to carrying it a little longer.

But if we’re being honest…
how long have you been feeling like this already?

“I’m tired of being the strong one” isn’t just a title.
It’s where a lot of you are right now.

On June 7, I’m holding a 90-minute space for you to finally put some of that down.

No pressure. No expectations. Just space.

👉 If you’ve been thinking about it… go ahead and grab your spot: https://www.ther-art-py.com/blank