Educational Awareness Hub

Hello Adult-Children! Well group, we are moving into my 1st book " Breaking the Cycle
of Family Dysfuction" for our learning material.
I wrote this book in 1995. This material was new to the public at this time. Over the course of time, most of the material has proven to have a great deal of insight concerning the muti-generational problem of family dysfunc-
tion.
The last article focused upon the different stages of recovery that occurs when a family starts the journey of recovery from family dysfunction. Initially, the family goes though a crisis where the family has to look and really see the problem and problem person in the family. When this happens, the denial system breaks down for many in the family. Hitting the bottom of the problem behaviors is called the destructve stage of family dysfunction. This stage opens up some awareness to the magnitude of how hurtful and damaging the
dysfunction is to the family members. It is this time that members will try to find answers to their delemia. The second stage is called the restructuring stage of recovery for family dysfunction. This stage consists of a great deal of personal work on self for family members. One thing to keep in mind when going through this stage is family members have to work on personal recovery before they can unite and work on family recovery from the
dysfunction in the family. Two different recovery areas are found in this scenario. The last stage of this recovery journey is the realignment stage. In this stage, Individual family members will learn new functional behaviors and begin to use them in their interactions with self and others.
In the realignment stage of recovery, there are four human dimensions which need to be reviewed ( physical, mental, emotional and
spiritual). In the physical realm, knowledge
about how to care for the physical form will need to be obtained.This information is
necessary so that the Individual can maintain
a balance of rest, food, work and play.
In the emotional realm, Individuals will need to learn how how to be spontaneous with inner
feelings.They also will learn how to discern
Who are safe and supportive people. Being able to discern is a powerful tool because it
helps an Individual know how to identify which people can be trusted with the Individual's personal feelings. Mainly because the threat is removed from recovery person that he will be judged for expressing inner- feelings. Expressing these feelings are a healing part of the recovering Individual's healing from the dysfunction.
The mental phase of recovery offers a great deal of challenge to the recovering person. In this realm, they will need to practice control
over the negative parental messages that
are in their heads. Eventually, in mastering this skill, the Individual will be able to give self- validation about personal self- worth. They will also be able to develop personal creative ideas
and to formulate personal opinions about issues important to them.
In the spiritual realm, the Individual will most likely seek out and find their way to a non- threatening spiritual belief system. The spiritual environment that the Individual thrives
in will be one of love, nurturing and encourage-
ment.
Will continue more information concerning
the family and personal recovery process from family dysfunction in next writing! Take care and stay well!
Katie Conrey M. A.

Hello Adult-Children! Sorry guys, my phone is behaving so badly that my typing page is disappearing from me. Will try to get another writing out but, if I run into a problem, I will have to get a new phone. In fact, may be off line for awhile. Subject area today is about the recovery process from family dysfunction.
Breaking the cycle:

Recoverying from family dysfunction takes time, dedication and qualified teachers. All of these components are required because the
dysfunctional behaviors are ingrained and rooted within the emotional make- up of each
family member in the dysfunctional family setting. The destructive recycling of this behavior has to be addressed directly and it's
power has to be defeated. The breaking of
this vicious cycle is a process that has to be
turned around and replaced with a more
functional behavor. This process needs to be
experienced with attitudes of patience, courage and kindness to one's self.
There are a number of healing stages that take
place in the recovery process. These stages are ;

1. Destructing- - In this stage of recovery, the
dysfunctional behavior gets progressively
worse until a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual bottom is reached by the Individual family member.
2. Restructuring -- This recovery stage consists of a great deal of personal work .
Entry into this part of the recovery process
is created by the Individual becoming totally
aware that a problem or behavior exists that
needs to be addressed. This awareness is
usually followed by an sincere desire to address the problem area. Many times an
Individual will recycle in their attempt to mod-
ify an area of their dysfunction because of an
unclear understanding of what needs to be
accomplished in recovery. Elimination
of the problem or problem area occurs when something in their recycling effort works.
Intense self- work consists of addressing outward destructive behaviors ( rage, addiction, controlling, enabling and ect.). After these behaviors are arrested, the Individual can progress to a deeper emotional level. And, a more intense spiritual growth is sought out and found at this level of recovery. The time required for an Individual to go through the first 2 stages of recovery cannot be given a definite
time limit. Each Individual is unique and will do
their self work at own pace. Factors that influence the Individual 's recovery time are ;
strength of the denial system and severity of the dysfunctional problem areas in the family.
3. Realignment - Balance- In the last stage of
recovery, Individuals will begin to utilize new-
ly learned functional behaviors. They also may
find that they will have to change unhealthy
living situations. Lastly, they will need to try out a variety of behavioral and emotional
approaches to see what is comfortable for them. This stage has no time limit! Each Individual has to search out and find what feels most real for themselves.
In the realignment stage of this recovery journey there are four human dimensions which need to be reviewed ( physical, emotional, mental and spiritual ). Will go in to more detail in next writing. Take care! Stay well!

Katie Conrey M.A.

Hello Adult- Children! Another day in paradise! Or, is it another day of the survival of the fittest? Certainly makes one wonder where
we are headed. And, are we going to get there!
Today's writing is taken from chapter 10 of my 2nd book " A Focus On Recovery From Family Dysfunction." It focusing on the subject
of touching ( emotional, mental, physical and
spiritual.
Touching!

Human beings need to be touched( emotionally, physically, mentally and
spiritually) by other human beings. Many Ind-
dividuals receive some physical touching in childhood, but this type of affection usually de-
creases as children get older. Old social norms say it's only O.K. to touch a child, but it
is it's not O.K. to touch an Individual when he reaches the age of puberty. It was mistakenly
believed that physically touching correlated with sexual activity. Consequently, many caretakers stopped touching their child when
he or she reached puberty. In reality, there is not a definite age span in this area. Without touch, the child becomes an adult who is most likely unable to reach out and touch others and
can not allow others to touch them. The Individual's inability to touch others or be touched by others also robs the Individual from
the healing power a hug can give. Unfortuna-
tely, this deprivation puts the Individual at risk
of emotionally drying up and even dying.
" Failure to Thrive" babies are living proof of
how touch deprivation can starve an Individual
Into a dying state. Those children who sur-
vived deprivation of touch did not reach adult-
hood unaffected. They were stuck with the defense skills ( denial, excusing, blaming and ect.) which they had to use in order to survive the lack of nurturing! These skills usually work against the Individual because he is unable to give or receive affection. Touch
( physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually ) are healing to the adult Individual.
Many Individuals deny their need for nurturing
and conclude they prefer to remain untouched.
This reaction to touch is understandable when
one considers these adults were emotionally
neglected as children. A lack of touch and affection will cause a child to emotionally numb out. This starvation creates an adult
that is dead to a need for nurturing. This reaction makes sense. How can an Individual
desire what has been denied to him?
Humans were not created to live a life untouched by other human beings. The adult's
Inability to give or receive genuine affection
has been found in many generations of dys-
functional families. The sad truth is this scen-
ario will reproduce itself in the next generation unless the present generation seek out adult- child recovery. Once recovery is initiated in these members, new behaviors will be learned
so that affection can be expressed to each other.
Many recoverying critics believe that an Individual can nurture himself into becoming
healthy . The Individual can not " fill up the hole in the soul" that was left empty from years of no
nurturing. Adults need to rethink , refeel and deal with their deprivation in order to mend their soul. Human beings were not meant to
live alone , alienated and untouched by other
humans. Self- nurturing can play a supportive
role in an Individual's recovery, but it cannot
be the only avenue of nurturing for the hungry,
deprived Individual. Other people are needed
In this healing endeavor. Healing for the soul
needs to come from receiving love, care and
nurturing from caring nonjudgemental safe others. And, all areas ( physically, mentally,
emotionally and spiritually) need to be touched and healed. And, nothing is more healing than the touch and feel of another human being.
In closing, bear hugs are wonderful! The recovery groups offer hugs a plenty. They also offer friends that can hold and comfort a
person needing a loving touch from the heart.

Katie Conrey M. A.

Hello Adult- Children! Hows everyone doing today?Anyone discover what the new normal looks like, feels like or sounds like? If you have, I surely would like to know.
We left off in the last writing discussing the different characteristics of conditional and un-
conditional love. Actually, when examining these traits, we find they have a completely
opposite meaning. For. unconditional love allows the Individual the freedom to dev-
elope his own perceptions, opinions and thoughts about how he is going to live his life. Conditional love sets restrictions of what the
the Individual says, thinks and feels. This fixed
expectation of how the Individual is to express
himself arrests the Individual's development. In
contrast, unconditional love says to the Individ-
ual, " Go ahead and develop yourself so you
can be everything you were created to be."
Another important element in the conditional and unconditional love component is having a healthy environment to emotionally and mentally thrive in. Safe people and safe places are essential for the nurturing of unconditional love.
Who and what are safe people and safe places? Safe people make an Individual feel
accepted, appreciated,loved and understood.
Safe places are coverings( physical or spiritual) where an Individual knows no-one
will hurt him ( physically, mentally emo-
tionally or spiritually). Both provide a feeling of security, warmth and serenity. Fear is not present when an individual knows he is accepted and unconditionally loved. Safe people have the following characteristics : nonjudgemental, accepting, allowing,respect-
ful and understanding. They do not tell others
what they should or must do. Nor, do they impose their opinions on others by giving un-
solicited advice. Instead, they allow others to think for themselves and make choices on
their own. Manipulation, lying or blaming are not used to control other people's behaviors.
Truth flows, no matter how murky or tainted it may be in content. Safe others make people feel good about themselves in an uncon- ditional accepting manner. This acceptance
helps an Individual's self- esteem develop be-
cause it's okay to be real and pretense is no
longer needed.
Safe people and places offer the Individual a conducive environment for personal growth
because there is no competition to receive
acceptance. The Individual is accepted without conditions or requirments! Katie Conrey M. A.

Some of you felt this, some of you took advantage of the high potentency of energy bombarding the collective, while others remain unaware and detached from the understanding gained when embracing these gifts.
✨ many more awakening each day, and yet they remain secluded, and hidden from the true recognition they deserve.✨

We wish for those of you who have stepped into your roles, your gifts, and your light, to reach out to others. Reach out to one another, to those you see the light within, and assist them to ignite their fullest fire and passion!
✨
Assist one another in deeper understanding, in recognizing each individuals role as a creator, in speeding up their journeys to stepping into power, encouraging one another to dive in deeper, and to bring forth more healing to all.
✨
Now is a time of manifesting, manifest all you wish to achieve, manifest healing, manifest transformation, manifest your true inner light rising to fullest potential. Manifest each light worker remembering who they truly are and taking back the power they have forgotten within.✨

As we move forward the next few weeks will be full of shifts, new incredible energies are making their way to you all now. Some of you again already feel it, have embraced this, and are utilizing this time for your highest Good. Spread the message and frequency, spread the effects of this light dear ones!
✨
The planet is moving closer and closer into a direct alignment with the stars and energy of the Pleiades creating intense lines of connection with the frequency, consciousness, and light of our communication and connection to each of you.✨

✨November 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 will be the most intense of this connection, you will be receiving information telepathically, as well as energetically, some of you already have this happening, and some are having an accelerated rate of these experiences.
✨
Downloads will be pouring into the star seeds, the light workers, do not be alarmed by physical Manifestations and physical reactions of the body. The more sensitive you are the more intense it may be, but simply ask us to assist, ask us to release any uncomfortable feelings, or experience you do not wish to receive. However remember the more intense it is in the now moment the greater the outcome in shifting. Also if you are in resistance to change you may also feel adverse effects of this shift.✨

✨
Do not be alarmed by ringing of the ears, cold hands and feet, and breakouts of the skin. You will be detoxing what no longer resonates. Some may even have belly aches or cramps as they release, this is simply telling you to let go.Dizziness and trouble concentrating reminds you to sit back and relax, it's ok to take a break✨.

✨
Those who are in alignment and fully trusting of the universe will feel bursts of energy, again ringing in ears, an increase of synchronicity, instant manifestations, abundance, concentration, and overall peace and mindfulness.✨

✨
So dear ones you are the creator, we suggest you meditate, drink water, set intentions, wear crystals to support you during this time, the energy of amethyst, moldavite, labradorite, obsidian, citrine, and quartz will greatly assist all incoming shifts.✨

✨
Get ready for alignment with your highest Good, be open, willing, and assist in enhancing the light for all beings and all life on Gaia!✨

✨o become even more than what he's already become.

Hello Adult-Children! Been meaning to get another article out this week but, we seem to
have some kind of crisis that demands some type of reaction immediately. Anyways, I have set a boundary that says other than having the
house on fire, do not disturb me. I to have this writing typed up and posted now.
In previous writings , conditional love and
unconditional love has been mentioned but
not given any depth about how the two types of love differ. I do not know about you all, but when I was first introduced to the two different types of love, I was clueless about how they had different meanings. Had to study the meanings to get a handle on the full difference of each one.
. Conditional vs Unconditional Love

Most Individuals have known only conditional
love within their family setting. Unfortunately,
this type of love is based upon the premise
that an Individual will be loved if he behaves
In a manner that pleases others. This type of love carries consequences for the Individual if
he chooses to act or behave in a manner that is displeasing to others in the family. The main
consequence is the significant others will remove their love from him. Example of con-
ditional love -- " I will love you if you do as I say." "Don't think for yourself, I will make all your decisions for you." " If you demand to think for youself then I do not want you around me." Conditional love is about being controlled by others. In reality, this type of love is not a
healthy form of love.
Unconditional love accepts an Individual
for who he is and allows that Individual to
think, feel and behave as the Individual deems
necessary. No conditions are put on the receiving of the love. Example of uncon-- ditional love -- " I do not quite agree with the way you are handling this situation, however if
you feel the need to go through with it in this manner, I will be here for you when you are finished." An Individual acts in a certain manner that significant others do not necessarily agree with, but they still love the
Individual even though his actions are not acceptable to them. Unconditional love
keeps right on loving no matter what the Individual does with his behavior. There was an old myth that states " Human children can't be
be shown unconditional love because they they will grow up to be sinful adults. A child's
character must be verbally, physically and spiritually beaten into shape. Children are not to be trusted to follow their own journey, instead guilt,shame and humiliation are used
as tools to assassinate their Individuality."
So misinformed. Children are not born vile and ignorant creatures who do not know what they need in life.! Unconditional love trusts the
spiritual nature of the child to develop in an orderly spiritual pattern. And, the child is al--
lowed the grace and dignity to be a beautiful
spiritual person. Unconditional love allows
the Individual the opportunity to make mis-
takes so he can discern where his journey in
life is taking him. This type of love is patient,
understanding and nonjudgemental. Those
influenced by unconditional love recognizes
that the Individual needs these components
to discover himself.
The following chart shows the behavioral
contrasts between the characteristics of
conditional and unconditional love.

Conditional love. Unconditional love
1. Lack of under- 1. Understanding
standing
2.No choice. 2. Freedom of choice
3.Restraining. 3. Freeing
4. Shaming. 4. Uplifting
5. Judgemental. 5. Nonjudgemental
6. No Ecceptions. 6. Accepting
7. Fixed expec- 7. No expectations
tations
8. Manipularion. 8.Unfolding
9. Withdrawn. 9. Flowing
10. Controlling 10. Accepting
11. Forced. 11.Allowing
In the next writing,will conclude on conditional and unconditional love. Stay safe
and well!

Katie Conrey M. A.

Hello Adult- Children! How is everyone doing? Has any of you descovered what may be considered a part of the new norm for our country? I keep watchiing to see if I can spot anything stationary but everythings seems to be in a state of motion. People are so con- fused by whats been tore up and eradicated that they cannot see anything that could be considered here to stay for any lengthy time. I have not seen any new ideas or perceptions
that has impressed me enough to want them made a permanent fixture in out society.
In consideration for what is going on around us I thought writing about our childrem might make all of us feel better about our life right now. So , I decided to take a writing from my book" Breaking thr Cycle of Family Dysfunct-
tion" at this time.
Emotional Feelings!
Human beings were created to be sensitive and feeling in nature. These feelings did not just appear out of the blue at a certain time
in our life. In fact, they were present at our birth. For, new born infants feel before they can talk. Newborns feel whether they are
loved or not wanted. Parents communicate
this to the child in a variety of ways. Holding or
caressing the child tells the child he is cared about and that someone cares about him and that they are so glad he is alive. On the other hand, non- touching and ignoring the emotional needs of the child leaves the child in an emot- ional abyss that neither affirms or denies it's
emotional existence in life. Studies have shown that children who are not held and nurtured can become physically ill and even die.
Children are warm, loving little beings. They show unbiased feelings toward each other in
their every day life. They love each other without condition and forgive each other without reservation. They do not have to ponder over the rationale of whether or not the other child deserves to be treated with love and kindness. Children have a natural feeling level,
If they are sad, happy, lonely or glad , it is reflected in their actions and behaviors. They
reveal their feelings without being coy or show-
ing pride.
But, children do not always stay in step with
their feelings. For, at a certain time in their life,
they begin to realize that it is not okay or safe
to expose this vulnerable side of themselves
to others. Instead, the child begins to stifle
their feelings and pretend they do not exist
any longer. Unfortunately, feelings eventually takes second place to the intellectual know-
ledge in the head. It is as if feelings no longer
have a place in the human world. But, intellect-
ualizing feelings away does not always work.
Instead, they often just go underground and
come out in a variety of other forms ( ulcers-
relating to stress, migraine headaches, partying, staying busy at work and substance addiction. All of these avoidance
techniques are used to numb feelings out so they will not be felt. Feelings have a life of their own and denial can only keep them in check
part of the time. Feelings were not created to be controlled. But, instead were meant to be
experienced. To be fully alive, a risk has to be taken to experience, to explore and understand feelings rather than deny their existence. Denial prevents us from experiencing the whole realm of beautiful feelings that makes us truely human and makes life worth living.
It is so sad that our children have it right and natural. They know how to give and take unconditional love. But, they lose this ability when the head begins to intellectualize. Also,
our culture has been one that encouraged everyone to hid their feelings. Exposure of feelings was considered being weak and
emotional. Indivduals got shamed for expressing true feelings.
In next writing, conditional love as opposed to unconditional love will be discussed. Have
a good week! Stay safe and well!

Katie Conrey M.A

Hello Adult- Children! I hope all are doing ok today. Well the word is out, we can look for the new normal. That is a very scarey idea, because the old normal has not gone totally away. To design and implement a whole new social system is quite a large feat. Lot of new
agencies and new companies will most likely become the norm. Many will be studying how to be creative in that area. I know I am not going to miss a lot of the old norm but, there are a few things that I would like to see continue into the future!
The last few writings have focused upon role playing in the dysfunctional family. The major
point of the role- playing by family members is to keep the dysfunction in check. Sounds odd,
you would think family members living in the
dysfunction ( alcoholism, abuse, in**st and many other dysfunctions) would want to end the dysfunction instead of keeping it alive and kicking. Unfortunately, many families have been locked into multi- generational family dys'
funtion for many years. They do not know any other type of life style.
I came from such a family, we were not rare
for, there are dysfunctional families everywhere
in our society. Unfortunately, poor decisions on my part led to a very dysfunctional adult life.
I tried all kinds of avenues to help me over- come my emotional and mental problems but found no sound help any where. Then, out of the blue some work shops were offered that gave me some knowledge of where I might find some answers to my problems.
Thank goodness these work- shops did offer some information that turned my life around.
I learned there was another way to tackle fam- ily problems besides mental health. Learning about how family roles and how they played a part in keeping the dysfunction alive was eye- opening to me.
The following journal notes describe how I was introduced to the role playing in the dysfunctional family drama. This experiece was eye- opening.

January 23, 1987
I attended a 3 day workshop that focused on recovery issues concerning family dysfunction.
Many of the different segments of the work- shop were slanted toward individual recovery.
I chose a number of the segments that were of interest to me. The speakers at the workshops were experts in these subject areas.
I had no expectation of what I would gain from the workshops. I was just looking forward to being around other recovering people, especially the teachers at the workshops. I thought they were more knowledgeable about the recovery process than myself. They seemed to be so strong about their own self- recovery. There were a number of segments to choose from but, I was really drawn to the one that spoke about family roles in the dysfunctional family. So, I signed up and went into their fairy large conference room.
There were about 60 people in this room. Each of us chose our own seating place. I rushed to the front row so that I could hear and
participate in the work shop experience. There were a number of people sitting with me in this area of the room. I looked around and saw there were many people sitting in the middle of the room looking quite lost and forlorned. I
looked around again and saw that a few people were sitting by the back door. Then, I heard a
commotion being made on the other side of the room. When I found the noise, I saw a small group of people laughing and cutting up.
I did not think alot about the sitting arange-
ment.
The Instructor of the workshop knew the game- plan and threw all of us a curve ball. She told all of us to take notice of where we
were sitting and what we were doing. I noticed
that the Individuals sitting by me had pen and paper in hand just like myself.
The Instructor asked if we knew what was going on with ourselves. No one did!
She went on to explain that the front row- seaters were the superheroes in the dysfunctional family setting. They were always
prepared and ready to overcome anything. I thought it was strange how we were all drawn
together in one spot of the room.
She asked us to look behind us and notice
the large group of people sitting in the middle
of the room. She ask this group what they had come to learn from her workshop. Most re-
sponded they did not know and some even said they did not know why they even came
to the workshop. The Instructor pointed out
" You are the lost children in the dysfunctional family- role system." Then, the Instructor turn- ed to a small group on the other side of the room who were busy acting funny and being loud. She asked this group if they acted this way everywhere they went and they said they did with a smile. She told this group" You are the family clowns in the dysfunctioal family system."
Lastly, the Instructor pointed to a group of
Individuals in the back of the room who were dressed differently than the rest of us. They were acting defiant in their attitudes and behaviors. She asked them if they always sat
so far away in a group situation. Some of this group said yes they did so they could leave when ever they wanted to. She told this group" You are the family scapegoats in the dysfunctional family role system." I admired this group because they did not care what rules they broke or what people thought about them.
The Instructor asked all of us if we would like to change roles to see how a different role felt.
Some did and some did not want to play another role. What I learned was how ingrained the whole role- playing system is in shaping the personality of family members. In
conclusion, yes I broke out of my super hero role and have given myself permission to play the lost chid and scapegoat roles. I liked the scapegoat role because I could be un- responsable and free to do what I liked. I do not use that role often. In fact I stay out of character most of the time.I control when I use any, role it does not control me.
Katie Conrey M.A.