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Welcome To The Madanes Institute, a new educational platform created by Dr. Madanes to expand the study and application of psychology, coaching, leadership development, and human transformation.

10/12/2026

Your client had the breakthrough, then the pattern came back. Keith Leonard teaches why in a free live masterclass on October 13. Save your seat: https://go.madanesinstitute.com/executive-coaching-masterclass

You know this session.

Your client names the pattern. They trace it to its roots. They tell you exactly what they'll do differently, and they mean it.

The following week, they're doing the same thing again.

That doesn't make them resistant. It may mean the conversation created awareness without reaching the identity that keeps the behavior in place.

Insight changes what someone understands. It doesn't always change how they behave.

Join Keith live on Tuesday, October 13, at 9 AM PT / 12 PM ET. It's 90 minutes on Zoom.

10/11/2026

The Identity Engineering Masterclass is back, live on Tuesday, October 13. Register free: https://vist.ly/5mx8z

When the first session ended, the comments kept coming. Coaches who missed it wanted another shot. Coaches who caught half of it wanted the whole thing.

So we're running it again.

Keith Leonard teaches it live at 9 AM PT / 12 PM ET. It runs 90 minutes over Zoom, and it's free.

If you've watched a client understand their problem completely and then walk right back into it, this session is for you.

10/11/2026

Why does a tense parent-teacher meeting so often turn into a standoff?

In this clip, Cloe Madanes offers teachers a simple alternative: make friends with the parents, and begin with praise.

Here is why it works. A parent who walks into a meeting expecting criticism arrives already defended. Genuine praise for their child lowers that guard, because it also tells the parent they have done something right. Once people feel seen at their best, they become far more open to hearing about a problem.

From a systemic view, the teacher, the parent, and the child form one small system. When the two adults line up as allies, the child stops being caught in the middle.

A practical step: before any difficult conversation, write down three specific, true things you appreciate about the child. Specific matters. "She always helps a classmate who is struggling" lands better than "She's doing fine."

Whose cooperation could you win by starting with what's going well?

10/10/2026

Most of us know the feeling. You said the wrong thing to someone you love, or you let a promise slide, and your stomach drops.

That drop is shame. It lives in the body before it ever becomes a thought.

Guilt comes next. It's the part of you that says, "I did that. That was mine."

Here is where most people get stuck. They feel the shame, they own the guilt, and then they sit in it for weeks. Sometimes years. They mistake suffering for responsibility.

Cloe Madanes teaches that there are two more steps. Repentance is when you honestly recognize what happened and what it cost. Reparation is when you do something about it. A phone call. An apology with no "but" attached. A changed behavior the other person can actually see.

Feeling bad changes nothing for the person you hurt. Repair does.

Think of one thing you've been carrying. What is one action you could take this week to make it right?

10/09/2026

Some conversations go wrong early and never recover. Voices tighten, both people dig in, and by the fifteenth minute everyone is defending a position they barely remember choosing.

Cloe Madanes tells a story about Ronald Reagan and Mikhail Gorbachev at a moment like that. The talks were going badly. In her telling, Reagan stood up, walked to the door, turned around, and came back with his hand out: "I'm Ronnie. Nice to meet you." Then the two of them left the stuffy meeting room and went for a walk, something leaders at that level rarely did.

Whether or not every detail happened exactly that way, the lesson holds. A bad start is not a verdict. You're allowed to stop, stand up, and begin again.

Most of us never try it. We treat the first ten minutes of an argument as if they've locked in the rest.

Next time a conversation with your partner, your colleague, or your teenager goes sideways, try the reset. Say "Can we start over?" and mean it. Then change the room. Go for a walk.

10/08/2026

After infidelity, anger and hurt are understandable.

But if a couple wants to understand what happened and decide whether the relationship can be repaired, punishment alone won’t get them very far.

The more useful questions may be harder:

Where had communication broken down?

Where was someone feeling lonely, unseen, or unappreciated?

What needs weren’t being expressed clearly?

What boundaries need to become stronger going forward?

Understanding those conditions doesn’t erase personal responsibility for the choices someone made.

It does help a couple look beyond the betrayal itself and ask what would actually need to change for the relationship to become healthier.

Because repairing trust isn’t only about promising, “This will never happen again.”

It’s also about understanding what made the relationship vulnerable in the first place and learning how to protect it differently in the future.

What do you think matters most when a couple is trying to rebuild trust?

10/07/2026

Sometimes the real conflict in a marriage isn’t between two spouses.

It’s about where loyalty still lives.

One partner may be married, committed, and genuinely loving, while still feeling more emotionally responsible to a parent than to their spouse.

That can create tension that shows up in all kinds of ways:

Whose needs come first?

Who gets consulted before a decision is made?

Who is defended during a disagreement?

Who does the person feel most afraid of disappointing?

The goal isn’t to turn a parent into the enemy.

In many cases, the parent may genuinely love their son or daughter and want the marriage to succeed.

The work is to help everyone recognize when closeness has crossed into a loyalty conflict that is hurting the relationship.

A healthy marriage doesn’t require abandoning your parents.

But it may require becoming clear about which relationship now carries the primary commitment.

10/06/2026

What if trying to be happy is part of what keeps us unhappy?

The moment happiness becomes the goal, we start measuring it.

“Am I happy enough?”

“How can I be happy when my relationships are struggling?”

“How can I be happy when there is so much suffering in the world?”

Purpose asks a different question.

Instead of “How do I feel better?” it asks, “What can I do that matters?”

Maybe that means helping one person.

Making one relationship better.

Contributing to your community.

Using your work, your experience, or your voice to improve something you care about.

Purpose doesn’t require the world to be perfect before your life can have meaning.

It gives you somewhere to put your energy when the world isn’t perfect.

So instead of asking, “How can I become happier?” try asking:

“What is worth contributing to?”

What gives your life a sense of meaning?

10/05/2026

Maybe the goal isn’t to be happy all the time.

Maybe it’s to create more moments of joy.

For me, music can do that. If I’m caught in my thoughts, I can put on music and dance. Or I can listen to classical music and, for a few minutes, become completely absorbed in its beauty.

The problems of the world haven’t disappeared.

My problems haven’t necessarily disappeared either.

But for that moment, something else has my attention.

And perhaps that’s enough.

We often imagine happiness as a state we’re supposed to somehow maintain. But human beings are extraordinarily good at finding the next problem, the next worry, the next reason things aren’t quite right.

So instead of asking, “How can I stay happy?” try asking:

“What gives me genuine moments of joy, and how can I make a little more room for those moments in my life?”

What reliably brings you back to joy?

10/04/2026

Even experienced coaches can miss important questions.

In this case, the mistake was not asking enough about a client’s financial situation.

And the irony? I wrote *The Secret Meaning of Money*, a book about why therapists and coaches need to be willing to talk frankly about money.

Why does it matter?

Because coaching without understanding someone’s resources means you may be trying to help them make decisions without seeing the full picture.

What can they realistically afford?

What options are actually available to them?

What financial pressures are shaping their choices?

Money isn’t always just a practical detail. It can affect freedom, relationships, stress, opportunity, and the range of solutions a person can realistically consider.

A good coach doesn’t need to have all the answers.

But we do need to ask enough questions to understand the life we’re trying to help someone navigate.

What important topic do you think coaches are sometimes too hesitant to ask about?

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Carlsbad, CA

Opening Hours

Monday 9am - 4pm
Tuesday 9am - 4pm
Wednesday 9am - 4pm
Thursday 9am - 4pm
Friday 9am - 4pm

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+18558507111

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