The Pleasure Center

There is so much creativity and pleasure in collaboration. I’m so pleased to give you a sneak peak of a new art project I’ve been working on with Helen Styring Tocci (The Love Baker). I’ve loved confusing all of my friends this week with behind the scenes photos like this! Leave a comment if you want to try guessing what sugar eggs and army tanks have in common… and keep an eye on my stories and posts this week to find out what we’ve created together.

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Research request! I’m thinking about creating a new group program where I will personally help you learn how to access pleasure and love yourself more.

Would you like help in this area?

Let me know by sending a DM or leaving a comment below.

*Giving Yourself Permission*⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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This is the first in a series of posts about my latest in-person healing art installation: The Official Registry of Permissions. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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The Official Registry of Permissions is an experience that invites you to give yourself permission for something.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I am giving myself permission to:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🪞 love my body⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🪞 continue not to be in contact with my parents⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🪞 be a totally imperfect AND amazing mom⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🪞 re-write my story⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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This last one gets me every time. It feels the hardest… and I know I can do it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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What are you ready to give yourself permission for?!

SEEING THE BEAUTY IN THE SHADOWS.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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We often find photos with shadows in them beautiful. What would happen if we allowed the hidden parts of ourselves to be *just as beautiful*? This could be aspects of our s*xuality, or just anything that you've been encouraged to put away in a dark corner. Many of these exact things are our most wonderful gifts. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I love doing shame and shadow work with clients. It's an honor and there is so much beauty in it.

Movement has profound parallels to boundaries and desires. When I was doing my morning dance practice, I noticed something about expansion and contraction. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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When I open my arms in an expansive way, I feel open to possibilities, to my desires. When I contract and fold my arms over my chest, I am keeping myself safe, setting a boundary. They are complimentary. Both are vulnerable. You can’t say ‘yes’ if you aren’t able to say ‘no’.

I remember a time when I didn’t understand what boundaries meant and I definitely didn’t have enough of them in my life. I kept hearing people talk about them, and my therapist referencing them, and I vaguely understood that I didn’t understand what they were *really* talking about. And then one day I did! It just started to make sense, like a seed coming up from the ground, opening new leaves to the sun. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I wish I could say I had a magic formula for how this happened. I think it was a combination of trial and error, excellent professional support, and noticing which friends were good at setting limits and advocating for themselves and seeing them as role models for the kind of life I wanted to have. And I have it now. And I am so grateful. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Boundary setting is a practice. Ideally, it’s something you’re doing daily in little ways and occasionally in big ways. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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What boundaries have you set lately? If you haven’t set *any*, take note. Maybe you’d like to. For big ones, consider getting support! This is one of the things I truly love supporting clients on. It’s one of those things that has made an *incredible difference* in my own life and I am honored to support others in this practice.

Boundaries often require vulnerability and accountability, and this can be a *challenge* for many of us. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I started to think about how to give examples of “small, medium, and large” boundaries. And then I remembered that even what I think of now as “minor” boundaries were HUGE for me when I first started telling people (and myself) what was important to me. So I’ll do some examples of boundaries. You get to choose what level of boundary setting you’re up for practicing in your life right now. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Examples of Healthy Boundaries:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🌼I really appreciate you making a dinner reservation for us, except I don’t love sushi and prefer to go somewhere else.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🌼I’m excited to see you tonight! I have an early day tomorrow so I’ll head home after dinner.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🌼I want to think about what you shared today about your STI status. Let’s have some fun with our underwear on tonight?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🌼Ah, it sounds like you were thinking this was a date. I’m not interested in dating you... and I’d love to continue our friendship if you’re up for that.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🌼I don’t want to have s*x tonight, would you like a really nice cuddle?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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What's a recent boundary that you've shared? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

BOUNDARY WORK IS DESIRE WORK⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Without boundaries, it’s basically *impossible* to fulfill your most important desires and needs. I hope you’ll trust me on this. Learning to set boundaries is an integral part of the process of creating a beautiful life that makes you happy.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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HOW CAN I HELP YOU CRAFT A MORE DYNAMIC, PLEASURE-BASED LIFE?

Whether you find yourself living in abundance or scarcity, time is a resource that is always in demand. Setting boundaries around a few pockets of time that are just for you is so important. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Yes, it will save you from burnout. Yes, it will make you more productive in the long run. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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But what I'm really talking about is giving yourself a chance to come back to your center, to express yourself, for no other reason than to feel good 🕯⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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AND YOU DESERVE TO FEEL GOOD

BOUNDARIES ARE CLEAR AND SPECIFIC⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Their intent is to take care of yourself and likely someone else too! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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When we set boundaries, we are saying what’s right for us-- and that benefits EVERYONE. I promise. I know that it may take a leap of faith to believe that this is true.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I know it did for me. And much of the beauty in my life is a direct result of boundaries that allowed me to say 'no' to things that were *not* contributing to my health and desires.

I'm just going to keep preaching this until the whole world is healed- You do not have to be perfect, spotless, unspoiled to be valuable. In fact, sometimes it's the blemishes left by a full life that give something, someone, true beauty. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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This one of my favorite mugs. I've had it for a long time- through different chapters of my life. It's been full of coffee from local roasters, tea from far away lands, sangria on summer evenings. It's been held in the hands of my kids, my friends, my lovers. The glaze is chipped on the rim, that's part of it's charm. Would I trade it for a brand new, stylish, unstained mug from Peir 1? Not in a million years.