05/20/2024
Baby boy Pip is 6 months old and I am a different person than not all that long ago.
A few months ago I told a friend that motherhood had stripped me of all my ‘value’. A mother herself, she knew exactly what I was talking about…..
Productivity
A fit and slender body
Clean laundry
A fridge full of healthy food
Lush hair
A friend group
Clients
My hobbies
Income
A schedule
Pants that fit…. All gone!
These things all made me feel lovable and important and when motherhood took them away, I felt myself fall into a state I’d worked so hard to avoid. I was naked. There was nothing covering up the most basic me. It was horrifying.
Having almost everything that made me ‘feel’ good about myself disappeared, was a real wake up call. These things were not the real me and therefore had no weight on my worth. Intellectual that made sense, but the sense of loss really hit hard. And I also could see why I’d created all of these facades. They protected my true self, the self I’d believed was unlovable.
I grieved and I grieved hard. Finally releasing those old rotten beliefs about myself. The layers of worthlessness are falling away at an ever increasing rate. I knew this was my chance to do so as well!!!! I knew I could rebuild all of those facades if I wanted to, but I would miss out on this lesson…. That those things did not make me loveable or worthy.
All the while, this little soul is growing and thriving. A true reflection that all of this uproar is paying off.
