Clearly Communicate

Clearly Communicate Leadership communication coaching for people managers and teams, based in Bellingham, WA.

I help leaders handle difficult conversations with clarity and confidence, using neuroscience, improv, and 20+ years in HR.

Choosing happiness is part of the work I do. Last week I was reminded that choice is not always easy.My last kid moved o...
08/14/2026

Choosing happiness is part of the work I do. Last week I was reminded that choice is not always easy.

My last kid moved out recently

Off to school. Close enough to visit, far enough that the house is quiet in a new way now.

I've spent years helping people see that happiness is a choice, not a circumstance. I've used every tool in my own kit on myself ... more than once. And none of that made this transition easier. It just meant I recognized what was happening while it was happening.

Jim Rohn said it plainly: "Happiness is not by chance, but by choice." I believe that. I also know believing it and living it in the same week are two different things.

For 24 years, my choice was my kids. Raising them, being present for them, building my life around that focus. Rightly so. I'd choose it again.

But that focus isn't the whole of me, and it was never supposed to be. So this next stretch is its own choice: finding what makes me happy separate from them. Not because I'm letting go of anything that mattered. Because when we come back together, I want us bringing our own full lives to the table, not just the one we used to share.

I am remembering my own favorite saying: Each moment is a new day. We forget that. We think a hard season locks us into a fixed state, that the ache we feel today is the ache we're stuck with. It isn't. We can choose happiness in this moment. It doesn't mater if what's in front of us is an impediment or a gift.

I'm choosing gift. Most days. Some days I'm still just choosing to notice I have a choice at all, and that counts too.

Under pressure, people don't rise to the occasion.They drop to their habitual patterns.That's why the perfect script nev...
08/13/2026

Under pressure, people don't rise to the occasion.

They drop to their habitual patterns.

That's why the perfect script never saves you when the conversation actually matters. And why Communication CrossTraining isn't another framework to memorize. It's a skill to train.

One tool.
One rep.
One conversation at a time.

Inside the new essay:

→ Why 69% of managers freeze in tough talks
→ The gym metaphor that reframes how you learn to communicate
→ The Three Pillars of Communication™: Awareness · Listening · Word Choice
→ The one conversation to practice this week

Read more in the comments.

Most communication advice sounds great in the room and is gone by next week.Because it never touches the habit.Communica...
08/13/2026

Most communication advice sounds great in the room and is gone by next week.

Because it never touches the habit.

Communication CrossTraining is built the way you'd build strength at the gym:

One tool.
One rep.
One conversation at a time.

Awareness.
Listening.
Word Choice.

Practiced separately.
Stacked over time.
Usable under pressure.

Read more in the comments.

I can't control how someone else shows up.What I can control is my mindset, my words, and the way I lead the conversatio...
08/12/2026

I can't control how someone else shows up.

What I can control is my mindset, my words, and the way I lead the conversation.

When I stop trying to manage someone else's reaction and focus on how I respond, everything changes. Better conversations begin with taking ownership of the one thing I can control: myself.

08/07/2026

Learning is only valuable when it changes what you do.

You can read every book, attend every workshop, take every certification.

None of it matters until you apply it and show up differently.

In the next hard conversation. In the way you handle the tense moment on the floor. In the pause before you react instead of after.

I experienced this a few years ago when I began training at the Human Communications Institute. I gathered lots of information. I joined all the things. I practiced in the room with other people in the class. I built confidence.

Yet, when I got home, I did not apply it to my life. I let it sit in my book, sometimes I talked to friends about it.

But do it? Apply what I learned? That took a while.

Just like when I got sober 35 years ago—when I got sick and tired of being sick and tired—I changed.

I changed how I communicate because I was tired of the results I was getting from my old communication habits.

Then, little by slowly, incrementally. I got comfortable being uncomfortable ... because let me tell you when you decide to change how you communicate, and you become more specific, more clear ... it feels uncomfortable because you are no longer relying on your old habit patterns, and that makes you more aware, more present in the moment.

Like working out at the gym -- I started small with a few easy tools, then I built communication strength as I used them. Then I added more tools. Then more.

Over time, I developed into a better communicator and built my business on the skills I learned.

And I'm still learning, still honing my communication skills, because the learning never stops.

So the next time you go to a training, read a motivating book or hear a great idea on a podcast, ask yourself:

What am I going to do differently because of this?

If you don't have an answer, you haven't learned it yet. You've just heard it.

And remember, insight without action is just entertainment.

You cannot control how someone else reacts.What you can control is how you lead the conversation.When you communicate wi...
08/05/2026

You cannot control how someone else reacts.

What you can control is how you lead the conversation.

When you communicate with clarity, stay present, and focus on your purpose, you're far more likely to move the conversation in the direction you want. Influence doesn't come from controlling people. It comes from leading the interaction well.

Some conversations don't go sideways during the conversation. They go sideways before they even begin.It starts with the...
08/04/2026

Some conversations don't go sideways during the conversation. They go sideways before they even begin.

It starts with the stories we tell ourselves, the assumptions we make, and the anxiety we carry into the room.

If you've ever rehearsed a difficult conversation over and over, lost sleep over what to say, or avoided it altogether because you didn't want it to go badly, this workshop is for you.

Join Barbara Jenks for Why Difficult Conversations Go Sideways Before They Start on Thursday, August 6 at 12:00 PM Pacific Time.

You'll leave with practical strategies to approach difficult conversations with more calm, more clarity, and more confidence before the conversation even starts.

Comment TALK and we'll send you the registration link.

Some conversations become difficult long before anyone says a word.It happens in the overthinking. The rehearsing. The s...
08/03/2026

Some conversations become difficult long before anyone says a word.

It happens in the overthinking. The rehearsing. The stories you tell yourself before you ever walk into the room.

What if you could change that?

Join Barbara Jenks for Why Difficult Conversations Go Sideways Before They Start, a free live workshop on Thursday, August 6 at 12:00 PM Pacific.

You'll discover why difficult conversations feel so overwhelming and learn practical ways to approach them with more calm, more clarity, and more confidence.

Comment TALK and we'll send you the registration link.

"If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary." — Jim RohnThis quote isn't about...
07/31/2026

"If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary." — Jim Rohn

This quote isn't about risk. It's about growth. And growth is never as fun as it sounds.

A few summers ago, I was rowing crew. Somewhere in that boat, I ran into a belief I didn't know I was carrying, a belief that had been steering me for years without knowing it. When I discovered that, I let it go … but letting go didn't feel like relief. It felt uncomfortable, different. For a while, things got harder, not easier. Familiar and worn would have been so much simpler.

But the familiar and the worn are the ordinary. And I was done settling for it.

I felt the weird, awkward discomfort of not knowing how to do the new thing yet. I moved toward it anyway, and it paid off more than I could have imagined.

After 20 years working with managers and team leaders, I see this pattern everywhere. Meaningful progress rarely comes from staying where it's comfortable.

Growth looks like:
· Having the difficult conversation instead of avoiding it
· Trying the approach that is not guaranteed
· Learning new skills to make your performance better

The safe choice isn't always the best one. Real leadership means stepping outside what's familiar, learning from what happens next, and moving forward anyway.

Growth doesn't happen by accident. It happens when we choose progress over comfort, even when comfort is right there, warm and worn and waiting.

07/29/2026

Hope to see you there tomorrow! Comment "TALK" below and sign up!

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