Hi, I’m Sara and I desire to normalize the dialogue around death, loss and grieving.
I remember a time when I didn’t have language for losing my dad beyond this auto-response sentence “My dad died when I was 4 and then my mom remarried a widow and I gained a new dad and gained a sister.”
It wasn’t just that I couldn’t talk about his death, I could barely think about it without welcoming a distraction, ANY distraction.
I remember sometimes I’d see a picture of my birth dad and feel so far removed and then I’d feel guilty for those thoughts. And that was my cycle. I was doing my best.
One day the switch flipped and I suddenly started incorporating him and his loss into my vocabulary and gave him mindshare and air time during table talk. I remember testing the waters by bringing up his death with friends and family.
It’s really hard work to shine a spotlight at the thing that pains us the most. The point of grief is to bring to consciousness what’s in the darkness and integrate it into our lives. Coming home to your power is possible when you embrace your tragical as your magical.
Before I knew this to be true, I was afraid to rupture the solid foundation of avoidance and numbness I had built for myself. I was afraid what was on the other side of unfurling. I was afraid my grief was going to consume my world if I let the cat out of the bag. I know I’m not alone in this… whether it’s grieving the loss of a loved one, a job, a move, a relationship.
I came to learn that every great story starts with a rupture. That the degree which we can own and integrate our darkness and our pain, is the degree in which we can own our light, our magic, our life force energy. That even though my dad’s physical body has passed on, I could have a relationship with his soul on my own terms.
It’s easy to bypass our emotions, to find a million and one distractions so we don’t have to address the thing that causes us the most pain… but little do we know that same thing is the ticket to our liberation from the pain.
I scheduled time on my calendar to grieve. Just like I’d slot for a doctors appointment or a haircut. It was refreshing to give myself the space and permission to feel the giant gaping hole in my heart. Space to cry, scream, bang on pillows, fall into a ball on the floor, often resembling a child’s temper tantrum. I let my body move whichever way it wanted.
November 29, 2018 was a turning point in this potent journey. At The School of Womanly Arts Mastery Program I was witnessed in my darkness - my rage, my grief, my fear. I discovered how much pleasure can be found in my body. As if four months of Mastery in the Spring wasn’t enough, 2019 got even wilder. I decided to go to Mexico with Regena Thomashauer (Mama Gena) and 200 epic sisters for the Creation Course. Somewhere in the midst of it all, while I was drowning in life’s pleasures and getting right with my desires, I signed up for Layla Martin’s coaching certification, a year long course on love rooted in Ta***ic Love, S*x and Relationship philosophy in 2020.
I’m feeling major butterfly transformation vibes and my desire to service women in their grief is fierce.
Who wants to join me on this wild ride?