Cari Newman Coaching

You’ve seen this before. Your teen comes at you with a rapid-fire flurry of accusations. “You never listen! You make up rules as you go! None of my friends have to do this!”

It is so easy to get sucked into the vortex and start defending yourself. But today, I’m sharing one communication trick that instantly tones down the escalating drama: Write it down.

The next time the litany of complaints starts, grab a notepad or scrap of paper and literally start writing down everything they say. Then look up and ask: “Did I get it all? Anything else?”

What happens next is very telling: When you refuse to play the game, they might escalate. That’s okay! Your job isn’t to regulate their emotions. It’s to model emotion regulation by governing your own. Their urgency is not your emergency.

Has your teen ever tried to bait you into an argument? How did you handle it? Vent in the comments below!

In the face of your child’s meltdown, there is one thing you can control. It’s not what happened to them earlier in the day, and it’s not whatever is upsetting them right now.
It’s you, or more specifically, your reaction. If you don’t have control over your reaction, that’s the ballgame. If you need some help with that... I’ve got you.
Step 1: Take the 90-second quiz
Step 2: Book a call with me to see what support might look like
Step 3: There is no Step 3. See how easy that was?

Ever notice how the clock on the wall seems to be running a marathon while your child is perfectly content strolling through a daydream of their own making? You’re vibrating with the urgent need to be on time—that holy grail of adulthood—while they’re busy deciding which sock best expresses their inner soul.

It’s easy to think, “”If this matters to me, it must matter to them.”” But here is the wild, wonderful truth: they aren’t us. They aren’t even miniature versions of us. They are entirely their own people.

Things that make our skin crawl—like a bedroom that looks like a tornado just came through—might not even register on their radar. While we’re obsessed with the schedule, they might be deeply committed to the pursuit of wonder, or the vital importance of play.

When our values clash, it’s not defiance—it’s just a collision of two different worlds.

The secret? Stop fighting the collision and start dancing with it. If they value connection more than the clock, turn the rush into a game. “”I bet you can’t reach the car before I do!”” works wonders.

You don’t have to lose your own values, but making room for theirs is the first step toward moving from a clash to a collaboration. Before you know it, they really will start beating you to the car.

What’s one value you and your child just can’t seem to agree on? (For me, it’s the definition of a “”clean”” room). Share your one value in the comments!

www.CariNewmanCoaching.com

It’s 5:00 PM. Are you focused on the muddy shoes dumped in the middle of the hallway or the that the kids actually remembered to hang up their backpack?

As parents who are really exhausted humans navigating this journey, our brains have a built-in negativity bias. It is so much easier to spot the backtalk, the sibling bickering, and the half-eaten string cheese wedged into the couch cushions. The negative behaviors we see can be overwhelming.

But the truth is, we see exactly what we’re looking for.

If we intentionally start looking for the “”good stuff”” in our kids, we will find it. It might be buried under a mountain of laundry, but it’s there. The moment they shared a toy without being asked. The solid five minutes of quiet independent play. The fact that they remembered to flush the toilet (hey, progress—not perfection, right?).

We focus on growth and progress. When our kids feel seen for the good things they do, they are much more likely to keep doing them.

Today, try swapping out your stress lenses for your “”good stuff”” glasses. A good stuff smile with your special person goes a long way.

Tell me in the comments: What is one awesome, tiny, or completely average-but-positive thing your kid did today? Let’s celebrate the good stuff!

www.CariNewmanCoaching.com

When you’re in the messy trenches of parenting, it is incredibly easy to let the shadows take over.

A spilled gallon of milk, a meltdown over the “”wrong”” colored cup, or even a refusal to put pants on can easily convince us that the entire day was a disaster. Our brains are hardwired to scan for threats and problems, which means we naturally focus on the exhaustion and the pushback.

But you have a flashlight. You get to choose where you shine it.

If we intentionally decide to shine light on the good stuff, it starts to brighten the entire room.

Sometimes the good stuff is huge: a glowing report card or a massive act of empathy toward a sibling. But most of the time the good stuff is beautifully ordinary.

They put their shoes in the general vicinity of the closet and on the right feet.

They ate a vegetable without negotiating an international peace treaty.

They actually let you finish a complete sentence.

Remember: Progress—Not Perfection. What we focus on is what grows. When we illuminate our kids’ positive moments, we not only change their behavior, but we also rewire our own nervous systems to feel a little more joy and a little less dread. It’s nice to be seen. And recognized for simply doing what you’re supposed to do.

Point your flashlight at one good thing today.

Drop a 🔦 in the comments if you’re committing to finding the good stuff today!

www.CariNewmanCoaching.com