Broad Tree Coaching

Every day, center yourself with a true definition of your worth.

Because if you're like me, you keep trying to find your worth in the wrong things -- what people think of you, what you do, and how you do it. I can even make following God a method of affirmation.

Pete Scazzero wrote in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality that when we have the wrong focus, "Our experiential sense of worth and validation gradually shifts from God’s unconditional love for us in Christ to our works and performance."

So it's key to develop this experiential sense of worth and validation. Notice more of what God is doing in your life. Give him credit for what he's done in the past. Feel his love. These are all signs that you are precious to God.

It's also key to recognize that you were created in God's image and that your individual makeup is a part of God's wonderful design.

All of these can contribute to a better definition of your value.

In Matthew 18, the disciples asked Jesus who was greatest in the kingdom of heaven and Jesus pointed to a small child. Children usually don't have impressive accomplishments. But this story shows that they still have tremendous worth in the eyes of Jesus.

So today, remind yourself that IT'S VALUABLE TO DO GOOD, BUT DOING GOOD IS NOT WHAT GIVES YOU VALUE. Identify and articulate what does give you value. I've put some questions below that may be helpful.

Then, display your definition. Refer to it daily. Let your actions flow from it and SHINE in who you are!

Questions:
1. How have you experienced God's love recently or over time? What, specifically, are you grateful for?
2. What characteristics and abilities are a part of God's design for you?
3. In your own words, how are you made in God's image?
4. How do all of these define your true worth?

Do you have an idea or intention percolating inside of you, something you'd like to do but haven't been able to execute? Join me for a VIRTUAL MICROWORKSHOP on Tuesday, May 6 at 10 AM CST. This 30-Minute Confidence Boost combines effective principles, faith, and coaching to help you see what's getting in the way, strengthen your belief in yourself, and figure out how to step up and do what you can.

Sign up at https://form.jotform.com/250915181954158.

Email [email protected] for more information.

VIRTUAL MICROWORKSHOP! Give yourself a midmorning break, brew a cup of something lovely, and join me for a talk about how to believe in yourself as God believes in you.

We all need a confidence boost at times. That negative inner voice tears us down, and self-doubts gnaw at us. Others look so good in comparison. We hesitate to take action.

Fight back! Take 30 minutes on Tuesday, May 6, at 10 AM CST to attend this MicroWorkshop. We’ll have a devotional, learn some great truths, and figure out how to step up and do what we can.

This will be a relaxed, encouraging time – a supportive gathering of friends. But there will still be plenty of information and inspiration. Sign up to receive the Zoom link and worksheet. The MicroWorkshop is $10, but if you’re financially short, please join us anyway. This is a community of helping one another.

https://form.jotform.com/250915181954158. Email [email protected] for more information.

You were wonderfully made for good purposes. But you may have a hard time believing this because you have an inner voice telling you that you don’t measure up.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could cancel this inner critic!
The good news is that there are effective techniques to immediately reduce the influence of negative self-talk. The even better news is that practicing these techniques over time will rewire your mindset.

Here are seven of the strategies most frequently promoted by professionals. I’ve boiled them down so they’re simple to understand and execute. Experiment with them to see what works best for you.

REVEAL. The principle here is that the inner critic loses power when you articulate what it’s saying. Train yourself to stop periodically and ask, “What I am feeling? What am I thinking?” (You may want to set an alarm to remind you.) Your thoughts may be slippery, but do your best to describe them. Notice them, but don’t dwell on them.
• Ask yourself: “What is my inner critic saying?”
• Bible verse: “Whoever lives by the truth comes into the light” (John 3:21).
• Example: “I’m feeling guilt. What am I thinking about myself right now?”

REFUTE. Once you identify a negative message, you can choose to debunk it. Distinguish between the truths and the lies, distortions, or exaggerations. This technique is used in Cognitive Behavior Therapy.
• Ask yourself: “What is untrue about what the inner critic says?”
• Bible verse: “He [the devil] is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44b).
• Example: “It’s true that I can improve, but it’s not true that I have to do everything well.”

REFUSE. Acknowledge the words of your inner critic, but refuse to engage with it. Rick Carson, author of the classic book “Taming Your Gremlin” wrote, “The more you fight with him [the inner critic], the more enmeshed you will become in his depressive muck.” Your inner critic is both irrational and seductive. Sometimes it’s better to ignore it. Envisioning a barrier between you and the message can help with this.
• Ask yourself: “How can I ignore what my inner critic is saying?”
• Bible verse: “Take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one” (Eph. 6:16b).
• Example: “My ‘shoulds’ are shouting at me, but I’m telling them, ‘Talk to the hand!’”

REDIRECT. This is a strategy of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. The basic steps are to accept your inner critic instead of making a big deal about it, see it as unproductive, and then focus on what’s important and meaningful to you.
• Ask yourself: “What can I focus on that’s more important and meaningful?”
• Bible verse: “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? . . . But seek his kingdom and these things will be given to you as well” (Luke 12:25, 31).
• Example: “There’s my ‘should’ voice again. Ah well. Listening to it ties me in knots. What I really want today is to walk with God and trust him.”

REFRAME. This is drawn from Parts Work Therapy. The central idea is that your inner critic is a part of your psyche and thus you want to try to understand what’s driving it. When you hear its voice, you compassionately ask yourself, “When I say this, what am I needing? How am I trying to protect myself?” This is a type of reframe because you’re taking something that seems negative and making it a positive.
• Ask yourself, “How is my inner critic actually trying to help and protect me?”
• Bible verse: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Col 3:12).
• Example: “I realize that when I tell myself I should do better, I’m just trying to keep myself safe.”
REPLACE. Focus on the positive instead of the negative. Although the brain has a negative bias and wants to dwell on the negative, science shows that focusing on something for at least 10-15 seconds can get that thought into your long-term memory. Thus, when your inner critic goes on a rant, think of something true and positive about yourself and deliberately maintain that thought.
• Ask yourself, “What can I think about that’s true and positive?”
• Bible verse: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. . . . And the God of peace will be with you.” (Phil. 4:8, 9b).
• Example: “I believe that God made me the way I am for a reason and I am enough!”

REINFORCE. Pray. There’s great power in admitting you need the help of God, as demonstrated by the success of 12-step programs. The inner critic can be tenacious. Don’t hesitate to call on the Lord for extra support. God knows how to do what you can’t, and has the power to do so.
• Ask yourself, “How can I enlist a higher power to help me overcome?”
• “Have faith in God. . . . Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours” (Mark 9:22-24).
• Example: “Holy Father, I need your help. I can’t stop beating myself up. Please show me how to overcome this.”

The fight to believe in yourself as God made you is a good fight!

This is a starting point. Discover what works for you. Celebrate your victories. Have grace on yourself when you still hear the inner critic. It takes time, but you WILL make progress, bit by bit, if you persevere.

(If you'd like a PDF of this information, email me at [email protected].)

How can you overcome self-doubt?

A few days ago, Ken and I had lunch at Olive Garden. It was exactly what we expected -- soft warm breadsticks, crisp cold salad topped with freshly grated cheese, and abundant portions. Mmmmmm.

That’s because Olive Garden is a brand. Specific components create its identity.

The same is true for you. You’re a brand, of sorts. God designed you with distinctive traits. Your appearance is individual to you. But it goes much deeper than that. You have unique strengths, abilities, and characteristics. What makes you YOU is how you are kind, hard-working, easy-going, sensitive, artistic, introspective, adventurous, curious, or have the gift of gab.

Here’s some of what I know about myself. I’m creative, idealistic, sensitive, people-loving, and a planner.

What can you name about yourself? Knowing your God-given identity can be a source of strength. Sunday, I visited a church where I only knew a few individuals. As I approached strangers to start a conversation, my insecurities began to pop up. I fought these with the thoughts, “I can only be myself. God gave me good qualities. If this person doesn’t respond, that’s on them. But I will be authentic. I won’t fall into the trap of doubting myself. I won’t let their actions define me.”

When you use a spiritual lens, appreciating yourself can be a good thing. It doesn’t mean you’re conceited. You know your gifts from God and you have plenty of weaknesses. (As do we all!) It doesn’t mean you’re self-focused. Instead, you’re tuning into God’s plan for you. In fact, freedom from insecurities can give you greater delight in serving God and others.

I recently saw a story about former Washington Post publisher Katharine Graham. Something she said caught my attention: “If you've grown up thinking of yourself as a second-class citizen, you tend always to put yourself down."

This is so true. Your self-image shapes every thought about yourself and every subsequent action. Whatever reason Graham had for saying this, her words can be a wake-up call to us all.

You are a FIRST CLASS citizen, not better or worse than anyone else, but wonderfully designed and totally cool.

You know, Olive Garden doesn't sit around and say, "If only we had a blooming onion like Outback." They do Olive Garden.

In the same way, believe in your brand. Know it. Own it. In humility, let it be a source of strength.

And then step up and believe God will use you.

What do you do when everyone is more impressive than you? (Or at least it seems that way.)

I recently listened to a woman being coached about a promotion she was up for. She was insecure because her colleagues had advanced academic degrees, and she didn’t. The coach asked this woman to identify the assets she would bring to the position. As she named each one, her voice grew stronger. By the end of the session, she was feeling much more confident in who she was and what she had to offer.

So often, we compare ourselves to others and come up short. We forget that although we can’t be good at everything, we DO have talents and abilities we bring to the table.

There’s a great illustration of this in the book of Job in the Bible as God described one of his masterpieces: “The ostrich flaps her wings grandly, but they are no match for the feathers of the stork. . . . (The ostrich) is harsh toward her young. . . . For God has deprived her of wisdom. . . . But whenever she jumps up to run, she passes the swiftest horse with its rider.” (Selections from Job 39:13-18)

God didn’t design the ostrich to be the loveliest feathered creature or the best mother. But it has great value to God because of what it CAN do – run more quickly than any other fowl.

What gives you great value? What CAN you do? What strengths and characteristics were you born with? What skills have you developed? Write all of these on a list.

Then, when that feeling of inferiority steals over you, fight it with your list. Give it a beatdown!

God sees you as he sees the ostrich. You are his totally cool design. His heart swells when he thinks of you. He is indignant for you against the haters.

So go out there and SHINE in who you are!

(If you'd like a .jpg of the artwork as an affirmation, email me at [email protected].)

How different would life be if you had a better sense of who you are and what you were meant to do? Or if you didn't doubt yourself, put yourself down, or feel inadequate?

This Christmas, do one thing for yourself: Work on your thinking about yourself. Gain a clearer understanding of your God-given identity and purpose. Find ways of combatting your negative self-talk. Build confidence. Get inspired about what you can do. Appreciate and be at peace with who you are.

Use a resource that combines the most effective principles from psychology, self-help, life coaching, and the Bible. "SHINE! Transform Your Thinking About Yourself" is a 31-day devotional workbook that provides concepts, scriptures, questions to ask yourself, and space to develop an action plan. It can be done individually, with a friend, in a small group, or with the support of an identity coach. (See broadtreecoaching.com)

Here's what readers have said about "SHINE:"

"So practical, with readings and activities to inspire change in how I think of myself."

"It was like the author took my hand and led me down a single path where I felt more HOPEFUL at the end. Highly recommended."

"Now I have tools to appreciate who I am and an action plan to guide me."

It's time to have victories in your inner battles and SHINE in who you are! Click on the link below to order your copy.

https://www.amazon.com/SHINE-Transform-Thinking-About-Yourself/dp/B0CVFKMZJ2

Is your self-doubt, insecurity, or inner critic preventing you from achieving your potential?

The average American feels insecure five times a day, according to recent research.* Having nervous low confidence is not necessarily a concern. It’s part of being human.

But what if your insecurity is showing up in ways that hold you back? What if your self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, negative self-talk, or Imposter Syndrome too often win the inner battle? What action can you take?

I'm launching a new coaching framework called "SHINE in Who You Are." This twelve-week program provides the principles, structure, and support that you need to transform your thinking about yourself.

In February, I published a book, "SHINE: Transform Your Thinking About Yourself" (sold on Amazon). I was surprised by the response. It seems that many of you wrestle with feelings of inadequacy in one way or another.

But I also discovered that some of you need more. It turns out that working on yourself is, well, work!

So I began to think. What if you could have a dedicated time and space to improve your thinking about yourself? What if you had a structure that took you through the process, one step at a time, with specific assignments to accomplish along the way? What if you had someone to process with who would lead you to deeper insights? What if you received the encouragement and accountability to keep you going when you were tempted to bail?
That's what this coaching program offers.

When you're ready to take concrete action to silence the imposter syndrome, shut down the inner critic, lose the feelings of inadequacy, and, instead, rewire your thinking to have a God-inspired positivity about yourself, "SHINE in Who You Are" could be the option you're looking for.

"SHINE in Who You Are"12-week groups begin August 20, 22 or 26 and conclude in mid-November. For those seeking a personalized experience, a package of 12 individual sessions is available.

For more information go to broadtreecoaching.com or email [email protected].

(*2023 study by Curad.)

How do you determine what to spend your time on?

Recently I’ve been presented with a couple of great opportunities. One is participation in regular reciprocal coaching. The other is to serve as the backup leader for a new daytime exercise class.

The trouble is that my plate is already full.

I just attended a webinar on “Be the Unicorn,” led by William Vanderbloemen, who also authored a book of the same title. The subject matter was how to stand out in the crowd, based on data taken from 30,000 top executive leadership prospects.

One distinguishing characteristic of a person who stands out in the crowd is that they’re a reliable doer. It turns out that doers with integrity are rare. Many people name problems, but few say, “I got this.” Few do what they say they will do. Few complete a task on schedule.

This got me thinking. Am I having the integrity to do well at what I’ve already taken on, or am I spreading myself so thin that this isn’t possible?

An even better question is, am I being intentional to consider and choose how to best use my time?

One of the most valuable habits we can cultivate is having a regular time to think about what’s most important, listen to God, and align our lives with His will. However, in order to do this, we need to create space – space for this practice of deliberation and space for the changes that will ensue.

I’m posting a picture of my mint patch in my yard. Most of the plants in the picture are actually mint imposters. They look like mint, but they’re a w**d. The imposters need to be w**ded out so the real mint will grow better.

It’s a good visual because sometimes we have to w**d the “imposters” out of our lives so that the parts that really matter can flourish, instead of being crowded out.

What do you want to do well in? What might you need to w**d out? How do you need discernment?