11/06/2021
When I was 9 years old, I moved from Hong Kong to the United States with my family. At first it seemed like an exciting idea, a new adventure. However in reality, it turned out to be the complete opposite.
The culture shock and the inability to speak English made everyday life confusing and scary. But as if that wasn’t enough, I would go to 5 different schools in 4 years all before the age of 13. There was zero constant in my life. In fact, the only constant I did have was change.
I developed this feeling of being an outsider, feeling of being less than. I learned to hide everything that made me different. It turned into this pattern of constantly proving myself, hustling for my worthiness in order to feel like I belonged.
By the time I was 12 I developed a hoarding disorder as a coping mechanism. My parents just thought I was messy but low key I was anxious and distressed.
For the longest time, I looked at this time of my life as something that made me stronger. It made me into the resilient person I am today (often disregarding the pain). As great as that sounds, deep down I suffered from old subconscious patterns that would repeatedly pop up in my adult life.
No matter how smart or well rounded I was, I would keep making the same poor choices, feeling same old emotions. This overarching feeling of not being good enough.
It wasn’t until I acknowledged the wounded child within, that I was able to identify and make sense of this pattern that no longer served me. 𝗜 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗻 𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳.
Give your inner child the love and healing he or she deserves. Your inner child just wants to be seen and heard, to be acknowledged of the trauma they went through. For you to be the person they didn’t have.
Because at the end of the day, letting go cannot be done without love and acceptance.
