Lifework Global

"When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free."

Wendell Berry, The Peace of Wild Things

So often as leaders, when the people we lead are not performing, we sit them down, appeal to their pride, give feedback and work with them to figure out what went wrong and how to get back on track. This process is known by many names - feedback, performance improvement, development planning.

When someone do right, we pat them on the back, give them an increment and perhaps a plaque. Then we proceed to expect them to do it all again.

I wonder what can happen if we sit the high performers like we do the poor ones, and do the same. I wonder if this one conversation can fuel the fire that is in them, can help them get to the next level. I wonder if we pay enough attention to the ones who perform well. The good kids are trusted but left alone; the naughty ones are the ones who hog our attention.

What if we start to pay attention to the high performers?

“This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. Being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it what I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”
George Bernard Shaw

George is definitely on to something there.

I have made so many mistakes in my life - small and gigantic ones. I cannot take back what has already happened so I am going to focus on what I can do moving forward. While I struggle some days to see myself as a mighty force that the world needs, I know exactly what my purpose is. And I focus on that instead. I definitely know what I want to feel on the day I die - to let go of the past and walk into the light.

Come walk with me.

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Struggle, pain and grief is part of life. Perfection and expectations will accentuate the emotions of struggle, pain and grief in the moment. We want to hang on to what is something that is imagined or hoped - that is in the future. If we ruminate about what happened - that is in the past. To borrow a quote that was shared with me,

“This moment is not my life. It is a moment in my life.” Ryan Holiday

A blip that in the big scheme of things…is just a blip. Feel all your feelings, process all that has happened and grief over all that is lost. In that moment. Then, from moment to moment, you will heal, live and grow again. And you can be at peace, with joy and alive again.

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“Go with the flow.” “Be in the moment.” “Breathe and connect with yourself.”

You hear this but how do you do this? What does this even mean?

Afraid to look stupid we don’t ask. We just do whatever we THINK is right. We want to look like we know, like we get it, in control. So we tap into our logical side and try to make things the way we think it should be. We forgot that we can also FEEL our emotional side - God forbid people might see our weaknesses! It has been judged out of us.

Just for today, let your feelings flow. You don’t even need to name them. Whether they are sad or happy feelings, let them come, don’t stop them, feel as much of them as you can manage and then, let them go.

Khalil Gibran on Fear

It is said that before entering the sea
a river trembles with fear.

She looks back at the path she has traveled,
from the peaks of the mountains,
the long winding road crossing forests and villages.

And in front of her,
she sees an ocean so vast,
that to enter
there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.

But there is no other way.
The river can not go back.

Nobody can go back.
To go back is impossible in existence.

The river needs to take the risk
of entering the ocean
because only then will fear disappear,
because that’s where the river will know
it’s not about disappearing into the ocean,
but of becoming the ocean.

I coach women who are going through a large change or transition in their life. This change or transition could be personal or professional. Often, my clients seek the clarity they need to make the decision they want so as to get the peace and joy they desire.

Sometimes, when they come to a chemistry session, thinking they need coaching. During the session, the first question I ask is what brought them to the session.

Most times they will tell me what has been happening for a long time for them. The time duration ranges from months to years. These strong and capable women have been trained by their families, society, and themselves to push through whatever challenges and obstacles they face. They often push pass their limits and more. Before they know it, they are right smack in the middle of a serious burnout.

They come to me telling me how tired and stressed they are. That their minds are confused and unable to see past what they are experiencing now in their lives. They may even be crying to sleep or can’t sleep at all. Their normally neat house is a mess and they forget a lot of things that they used to remember with capable precision. They live a zombie-like existence, devoid of the energy and drive they used to have.

They want me to tell them what to do to fix it. My heart hurts.

And because mental health challenges are not something to be announced, but to be hidden, they come to a coach. They are often devastated or confused when I gently tell them to check in with a mental health professional, like a counsellor or therapist. To even schedule a chemistry call probably took them days. To be told that they are probably needing more help from a therapist is something they resist to accept.

I tell them I will send them some resources to start exploring. And that, I will still be here to help them once they feel better or when they are ready. I tell them how brave they were to ask for help and not to give up. Some did get better and come back to get the coaching they need - I celebrate with them as they take one brave step at a time to achieve the goals they desire.

I am deeply grateful to be a part of their journey.

The spring of the year is gone. Comes the brightness and warm of summer. The time to sow seeds you want to harvest in autumn and enjoy in winter.

Nature is always moving forward. It is always giving us signs to remind us that the way is always now. If life is not yet bearing fruit and giving you what you want, be patient and savour the now. It will come with your belief, persistence and diligence.

For now, be present. Don’t just exist, live.

A client went through a particularly difficult year in her life. Some of her relationships did not work out and she was distanced from the people whom she loves. Her job was literally draining her and she felt stuck and stagnant. Because of the tremendous stress that from her workplace, during her weekends she feel sick, nauseous and unable to do anything that she enjoys.

She finally had it and started to work with me.

She started to rediscover her core values, and what it means to live a life that is aligned to her core values. She worked on visioning her most ideal life and what it feels like to live every single day relaxed, energetic and focused. She started to change her habits, spend time with people who give her energy, and distanced herself from things that do not fit into the life that she had visioned for herself. She also started to hold firm to her personal boundaries, say no even when it is difficult and learnt to let go when things are not perfect.

At this point, she got a job offer that was beyond her dreams. The journey was not easy as old ways of thinking and being resurfaced as she felt her past insecurities coming back to haunt her. Her worries that she might not be good enough plagued her once again. All the what if’s started to overcome her and she wanted to run away from it all.

At this point, she was reminded of all the work that she had done in our sessions, all the difficulties that she had overcame, and everything that was important to her to live her ideal, values-aligned life.

Instead of going through this every single time she hit an obstacle, we worked together to design a system; a system of affirmations that she will carry with her every single time she goes through a transition.

She has since transitioned to her new upgraded role and living her ideal life. With every obstacle that she faces, she uses her system, the system that will remind her of how good enough she is, how resilient she is and how she is able and empowered to take the action she needs to fight for the life she wants.

We were sending our youngest to school. In the car he shared a memory of how he woke up at 5am, to take the first bus from home in order to get to the supermarket early enough to buy things he needed for a school camp with his friends. They had to walk up a slope leading to his school as it sits on a small hill. He shared a running joke between them about how their school would not be too attractive to terrorists since they probably don’t want to walk up the hill.

My husband and I then shared our own school experiences and memories. The overnights, the shenanigans, long talks and long walks with friends.

That’s all you will remember. Because that’s all that is most important and precious. You don’t know at that time that these seemingly normal moments would be what you remember.

As we dropped him off, I wondered, at the end of my time here on earth, what would I remember?
What moments and memories would I have collected?
What would I like to take with me as I leave?
What would I want more of?
What would I want less of?
Who do I want with me?

On this International Women’s Day, I want to affirm my purpose.

“I wake up knowing my purpose to serve.

To let women know not to play small.
To let their light shine.
To know they make a difference.

They are important.
They are matter.
They are needed.

I want to help them see themselves as worthy and when they do, I do too.”

So grateful to be included in this series!

Every change we encounter in life is a learning opportunity. Embracing change gives us a positive outlook.

Tune into ‘When We Age’, a four-part series, on . Premieres on 4 March Saturday! SIN 9PM / DEL 6.30PM / JKT 8PM
Watch on:
cna.asia/vod
youtube.com/cnainsider

Every change we encounter in life is a learning opportunity. Embracing change gives us a positive outlook.

Tune into ‘When We Age’, a four-part series, on . Premieres on 4 March Saturday! SIN 9PM / DEL 6.30PM / JKT 8PM

Watch on:
https://www.channelnewsasia.com/watch/when-we-age/good-company-3329681
https://youtu.be/BnXowAOZSmw