06/11/2023
Ten mustn't do to your child
1. Screaming
Some say its worst than beating and leaves one with long-term mental and emotional scars. Remember, the Prophet ﷺ never raised his voice on a child, women, a friend or otherwise.
2. Blaming
Blaming weakens relations, lowers self-esteem and promotes children to be on the defence, even when they haven’t done something wrong.
Anas ibn Malik, then a 10 years old child said: “I served the Prophet ﷺ for nine years. He never said about anything I did, why I did that, or about anything I didn’t do, why didn’t you.”
3. Nonstop orders
Orders and instructions, without without first convincing or persuading- turn the child into a robot and this is not healthy. When growing up, they blindly emulates and obey any authority, regardless of its values.
4. Threatening
Threading is used because it’s a quick fix for resistance, but not a solution on the longer run. Any attitude driven by fear is hypocritical, and does not indicate real change.
5. Sarcasm
Making fun of a child is an unacceptable behavior in Islam: "O you who believe let not a group scoff at another group… "(49:11). Mocking a child hurts their sense of worth and self-esteem.
6. Cursing
Cursing teaches the child cursing, which he will use against others, including relatives, friends and parents. The Hadith says: “A believer is never a defamer nor a curser nor coarse nor obscene."
7. Comparing
Never compare your child to anyone, especially siblings. Comparing creates jealousy, anger and on the defense.
8. Continuous advising
The normal attention span is 3 to 5 minutes per year of a child's age. Therefore, a 2-year-old should be able to concentrate on a particular task for at least 6 minutes, and a child entering kindergarten should be able to concentrate for at least 15 minutes.
In the hadith "The Prophet used to take care of us by preaching during the days fearing that we may get bored."
9. Mistrust
Not giving the child the benefit of doubt weakness mutual trust, shuts frank communication and hurts self-confidence.
10. Beating
In most cases beating a child is about parents venting anger than wisely and calmly wanting to improve a behavior. Beating, similar to a pain killer, is a temp fix, not a cure. It creates a coward personality, which will continue to do bad things as long as “nobody is watching”.
Hesham Al-Awadi, author of
Children Around the Prophet: How Muhammad ﷺ Raised the Young Companions
