19/07/2022
Love Bitter, Hate Bitter
I don't remember when did the last time I enjoyed drinking milk, since the only thing I knew is that I love drinking coffee. I'm fond of bitter coffee to be exact. Be it Nescafe or Kopiko, as long as it tastes bitter, I'm good. Well, that could be the reason too why I'm fine with how bitter my life is as well as the way on how I see things in a bitter way.
Being the eldest child sucks, to be honest. There's this imagination rules, obligations, mission, or whatever you call that, for you to do good in life so that you can help your family in the future. My parents don't proactively tell me that I should be successful so I can finance our family. They never asked for at least a small portion of my monthly salary. But I feel responsible to do so. I don't know if it's the taboo but it honestly sucks to feel this way.
The main reason why I chose to work is that I want to understand why I should rather buy a sardine than a healthy egg. A can of sardines can be portioned into two meal - dinner and breakfast. Being independent even made me eat milo and fish crackers as my ulam. So far, the best meal for me is kwekwek, the one being sold beside Dao Market. It became my thing to explore food and have some meal experiments paired with my black coffee, of course.
Little did I realized that I was once a drinker of sweet milk, but that milk left to Hongkong when I was a teen. The sweetness vanished as I woke up with the fact that sacrifices are necessary to live, especially to poor people like us. We were never financially stable, hence my Mama worked abroad for years to make money for us. That's when I started to think that the future me would be doing the same sacrifices for our family like what Mama did, because it is necessary.
The sweet milk already came back years ago, but the bitterness already conquered my being. I don't like the way I see things. I love bitter coffee but I never wanted to be bitter in life.
How to stop?
30
Artwork: Reku-chan569, DeviantArt