04/03/2026
We Are Paid in Applause, Not in Rest
Excerpt from a Narrative of a Bone-tired Teacher
from an Exhausted Jeffrey Brusola Macabare
The classroom smells like whiteboard ink and unfinished expectations. I stand in front of forty faces, each waiting for something from me—clarity, patience, answers, permission to fail safely. I give them my voice, even when it feels borrowed.
“Pass your papers forward.”
The rustling sound is softer than the noise inside my head.
I used to measure my days by lessons completed. Now I measure them by how much of myself is left at dismissal. By the last period, my smile feels laminated—thin, protective, artificial. A student asks, “Sir, are you okay?” I nod automatically. Teachers are trained to reassure, not confess.
During lunch, I eat beside a pile of essays. Red ink stains my fingers like evidence of a quiet battle. Every paragraph I correct is a reminder that I am responsible not just for grades, but for futures. The weight of that responsibility presses against my ribs, heavy and invisible.
When the bell rings at the end of the day, the students leave laughing, relieved. I stay behind with the chairs, the silence, and the hum of fluorescent lights. The room exhales.
I do not.
Tomorrow, I will return with another lesson plan, another steady voice, another practiced strength.
Because in this profession, exhaustion is private—
but performance is public.