Surviving Wife and Children

Life Is Scary Without You
The world feels so much bigger now,
and not in wondrous ways.
It looms and leans and shadows fall,
across my quiet days.
When you were here, it all seemed small,
like we could handle it—
whatever came, no matter how dark,
you’d guide me through the grit.
But now, the sky feels lower,
and the ground less sure to stand,
without your voice to calm the storm,
without your steady hand.
The nights stretch long and colder,
the mornings start with fear.
I face the world uncertain,
wishing you were near.
It’s scary how the simplest things,
now feel too much to bear,
and how a life that once felt full,
can seem so stripped and bare.
I try to stand where you once stood,
to carry on somehow,
but life is so much scarier,
without you here right now.
You were my shelter from the storm,
my light in darkest skies,
and now I face this world alone,
with fear behind my eyes.

Save me a seat for when I get there.
I'll try to make it soon.
Wait for me at starlight
on a swing underneath the moon.

Save me a seat for when it's my time,
I shall wear my best attire.
Wait for me at the daylight,
underneath a sunshine fire.

Save me a seat beside you,
so I can touch you once again.
Wait for me to get there,
my cloud shall be my train.

Save me a seat in heaven.
I shall meet you at the gate.
Wait for me my darling.
I promise I won't be late.

See you when I see you Pare ko🥺🫶🏻🙏

Thank you for the broken heart
Thank you for the
Permanent Scar
🥺💔

Keeping Busy

I keep busy so I don’t think,
But loneliness lingers, always near
A shadow that never fades.
The chill in the air matches the cold in my heart,
A constant reminder of what’s gone.

There’s nothing to look forward to,
Not without you here,
No warmth, no light in the days ahead.
I’m tired, so tired,
But not the kind sleep can ever cure.

So I fill the hours with anything,
Trying to outrun the ache,
Yet it finds me, always finds me,
In the spaces between
Where you used to be.

ctto

The death of a spouse or partner is different than other losses, in the sense that it literally changes every single thing in your world going forward. When your spouse dies, the way you eat changes. The way you watch TV changes. Your circle of friends changes (or disappear entirely). Your family dynamic/life changes (or disappear entirely) Your financial status changes. Your job situation changes. It affects your self-worth. Your self-esteem. Your confidence. Your rhythm. The way you breathe. Your mentality. Your brain function. Your mindset. Your physical body. Your hobbies and interests. Your sense of security. Your sense of humor. Your sense of womanhood.
EVERY SINGLE THING CHANGES.
You are handed a new life that you never asked for and that you don't particularly want. It is the hardest, most gut-wrenching, most horrific life-altering of things to live with💔

Truth is..
Every minute, someone leaves this world behind.
We are all in “the line” without knowing it.
We never know how many people are before us.
We can not move to the back of the line.
We can not step out of the line.
We can not avoid the line.
So while we wait in line -
Make moments count.
Make priorities.
Make the time.
Make your voice heard.
Make the small things big.
Make someone smile.
Make the change.
Make love.
Make up.
Make peace.
Make sure to tell your family, friends, and people they are loved and appreciated.
Make sure they'll never forget you.
Make sure to have no regrets.
Make sure you are ready.

Remember that, You are loved when you we're born, and you are loved when you die, In between you have to manage.
Life is too short, be kind, be humble, be good to everyone.

💕

September is about to end.
The year has only three months left and It’s a sign for us that everything is fleeting.
Some of your plans may not turn out to be the ones that you expected.
And some things happen unexpectedly.
Change is the only constant thing that you would get throughout this journey.
They say, everything happened for certain reasons.
Life is uncertain and unpredictable.
But whats more important is how we able to accept it and learn to still trust the process.

MALAYA🖤

Whether you like it or not, life isn't always sunshine and rainbows.
You, like everyone else, will face trials, tribulations and struggles.
You will go through loss, failure, and sadness. Because life constantly throws us curveballs that are beyond our control and cause us to fall.
You just need to grow in places where you thought you couldn't stand.
Sometimes you have to pay attention to the small details that life teaches you.
Whatever irritates you is teaching you the value of patience.
Anyone who abandons you is trying to teach you how to stand on your own two feet.
Anything that causes you pain
is instilling the values of forgiveness and compassion in you.
Whatever you are afraid of is instilling courage in you so that you can confront and conquer your fears.
Anything over which you have no control
is showing you how to let go.

- Photo from Mommy Violeta 💜

Dear Self,

I know life has been overwhelming for you and the pressure not to give up being the captain of the ship.

A real life "Wonderwoman" who never give up.

I see you working tirelessly, doing with your side hustles, and it can really be exhausting.
I see you worrying and juggling how to take care of your family and yourself in the process.
I see you being concerned about the struggles and seasons of your family.
I see you taking care of your family and pursuing the dreams of your late husband and your three beautiful children.
I see you being a friend to someone and despite your busy schedule, you're trying to catch up and check with them once in awhile.

You have always been the stronger one, yes you are.
It's a tough battle but a challenging one to be given that role.

But you know what? God knows your labor. He sees your cry and weary heart.

Self, before you conquer the world pursuing your dreams, please remember these,
That it's okay to feel tired. It's okay to take a pause and rest. It's okay to feel weak, it's okay to breakdown sometimes.

You're a human being, too. You need help, too. You can be heard, too.
You may be breaking down and hiding it from people, trying to hold it all together.
But taking a rest doesn't mean running away from your responsibilities, to pause from your duties and others is not rest when you are still worrying about the future.

Talk to God and your loved one in heaven when you are overwhelmed. hope and pray that you find a safe space where you can be honest.with your true feelings, let go and loosen the grip of having it all together.

You don't have to go through this alone, Self, with God, Jp, and kids, and with the right people who will understand, encourage you to pause and continue, you can be stronger and wiser than ever.

Be proud of yourself, you're wounded but still standing on your feet, standing alone against the world.

Proverbs 31:28-31
"Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."