28/05/2026
I had a massive epiphany at Minerva Reef.
There was some other mundane stuff like more wild weather, endless boat repairs, painful attempts to catch some kai moana and some snorkelling too. But the ‘Minerva Reef aha moment’ is the one that’ll stay with me.
I reflected on the wild journey to get to Minerva, both the scary passage and all the other bits that lead to me being on a yacht in the middle of the ocean. I reflected on the lessons learnt, fears faced, my return to ski instructing and starting No Barriers. This all overlaps our own unique home educating journey and my role within that.
It all clicked in my head at midnight on a sleepless night in the middle of the pacific. Fundamentally, how we approach fear needs to change. It needs to be the complete opposite of what I have seen modelled and been taught as a kid, “push away those fears and get on with it boy”. I’ve always had my suspicions but now I completely disagree with this approach. It flairs my ego and puts my nervous system into freeze, fight or flight. This isn’t a place for learning, it’s survival.
Fear, stress, guilt, shame and all the other ‘negative’ feelings need to be personally acknowledged and then ideally spoken out loud to another trusted human who is also willing to acknowledge it. The reality is we all feel these emotions, some people are just better at pretending that they don’t than others. This process removes the power and allows us to drop into a more courageous, vulnerable and balanced state. That I believe is the key.
When your ego gets easily inflamed or stress is unmanaged there’s no room to be vulnerable enough to really learn and listen. Your nervous system is busy scanning the situation, is it time to flee or am I safe enough to try something new?? Once this space for courage is created then you can push yourself to try harder things, build confidence and level up. Start small, dream big. Work that muscle, visualise success, repeat a mantra and create new neurological pathways in your brain to hard wire the feeling of a relaxed nervous system as a good thing.
Of course you could also use that flight or fight response to act, but you will not be building a safe foundation of trust and confidence. The power is in the self belief that you can learn anything you dare to dream, not because you have to or should but because you love the challenge and find learning rewarding.
This is what I want my own kids to learn from homeschooling, but first I need to model it. I’ve instinctively leaned into trying to create this space for courage as a Ski and Mountain Bike instructor, I will now place even more importance on it in my lesson structure.
The bazaar thing about my ‘Minerva Reef aha moment’ is that I met another fella on my Sea Survival course who had been to Minerva before. He told me of his own mind blowing moment where he realised he was the reason his marriage had broken up and his wife had taken custody of his kid. He realised he needed let go of the blame game and had to be a better man if he wanted to have a relationship with his daughter, so he changed. That’s mana.
Right, moving on for those of you just wanting to know about the weather and high seas adventure chat. I can report that our three nights at South Minerva Reef were a mixed bag. Heavy rain, very strong winds and choppy waters, this made drying out the boat, bodging some repairs and exploring the reef by ‘Harry’ the tender a real mission. Rest assured, we got ‘er done.
My adventures on the reef were far more painful than expected. As I was scoping out a hole on the open ocean side of the reef for crayfish, I got swept off my feet by a rogue wave. I was tumbled and scraped about on the reef, luckily I only lost some skin. Once again more respect now given to the power of the ocean.
Later that day the glass in my snorkelling mask shattered, fortunately it was on the deck rather than on my face. The snorkelling I got in was fantastic with minimal human interaction.
In classic kiwi style, Ra and Miriam knew a fellow sailer from Tauranga. There was only 5 or 6 other boats anchored up inside the atoll. This worked out very well for us. They had some specialist tools that we needed and in exchange we traded them freshly roasted coffee as they had run out. What’s the chances!? They also gave us a few crayfish they had successfully caught, too good.
In between heavy downpours we tried to get some repairs done. Both our furling foresails needed work, the stairs into the cabin had ripped off their hinges, leaky hatches got looked at and the gas solenoid got replaced. Luckily it gave up on our first morning at Minerva rather than at sea. As we tried to leave, the anchor lift motor switch had to be rejuvenated due to saltwater ingress. Fortunately, the boat has a vast collection of spares and tools. Equally fortunate that Robin, Ra and Miriam all trained as engineers so together we are a crew of professional problem solvers.
Onwards we sail, we are due into Suva later this today. With calm seas, sunshine (and moon lit water) and a gentle breeze these last two days of sailing have felt a world away to the chaotic first week. I’d almost call them dull. Our most dramatic moments were fishing. First we thought we had a fish on the line, which turned out to be some old rope and then later Miriam hauled in a Mahimahi. Fresh food on day 10, what a treat!
I can’t wait for the rest of the family to arrive, they are flying in on Tuesday, then we will spend some time exploring the islands before flying home to Wānaka in mid June for the start of the ski season.
