22/03/2026
“You can’t hurry love…”
Sounds like a song by Phil Collins those of you old enough to remember that. But what has this got to do with dementia support?
“You simply can’t rush love.”
It comes from a piece of writing by Clover and it has stayed with me.
She describes a care worker arriving late, stressed, needing to get to the manager quickly. The fastest route is straight through the lounge. What happens next I won’t spoil.
What struck me is something we know, but rarely name. On average, people walk at about three miles per hour, yet in dementia care we often allow the system to dictate a very different pace. In doing so, we unintentionally outpace the person we are there to support, creating environments of distress often then labelled as “challenging behaviour.”
Tanya puts it plainly: much of this distress arises from a person’s reaction to being rushed or misunderstood by a world that operates at a different, often frightening pace.
And the challenge is this how do you slow down in a system that gives you no time?
That care worker didn’t have more time. They were under pressure. What they did was shift how they entered the space.
Perhaps it’s not always about more time, but about how pace is held in small moments pausing before approaching someone, making eye contact, matching walking speed, and allowing space for a response rather than filling every moment with silence. Small things, almost invisible, but they change the experience of care.
But there are limits. And that’s where systems, funding, and leadership come back into the conversation. This is also where practice leadership matters because it helps us notice these moments, hold onto them, and make them part of how care is actually done, not just how it is described.
We often replace the word “love” with “person-centred care” or “compassion,” but as Tanya writes, love may be the only language that remains fully intelligible.
It is a beautiful and thought-provoking piece. I’d really encourage you to read it.
In a system-driven mechanics of modern social care, time is often seen as a limited resource to be managed, monitored, and squeezed. For social care professionals supporting people living with dementia, a culture of effi...