Ruth Christie

School holidays - love them or loathe them?

Talking to working parents, it seems there are two extremes when it comes to school holidays:

(A) school holidays are a good opportunity for a much-needed break from work

(B) school holidays are stressful and getting back to work is a relief!

Going hard at it for months, hanging by a thread until your next holiday isn’t a great approach for your wellbeing, and having a break that doesn’t feel like a break isn’t ideal either.

No matter where you sit on this, it’s a good idea to have some simple ways to manage your energy and focus all year round.

There are still some spaces available for two Quick Charge workshops this week to help you with exactly this. Whether you’re a parent or not, these workshops will help you to build a simple plan to keep your own batteries charged.

Join us via Zoom on Wednesday 19th July from 8.30-10.30 am or Thursday 20th from 5.00-7.00 pm.

Register online at https://lnkd.in/gcN_y-WR or let me know if you have any questions.

Hands up if you’re so busy looking after everyone else that you forget to take care of yourself!

You’re not alone in this, particularly if you have high performance standards for yourself and a high degree of care for others.

The thing is, when you put yourself last you tend to end up frazzled, lacking in energy and frankly not operating in the way you really want to.

A different approach is to build a foundation of simple things that will help boost your physical and emotional energy first, rather than waiting for the weekend or your annual holiday to collapse in a heap and hope to recover.

Not sure where to begin? Meet me next Wednesday online, and in a 2-hour workshop we’ll explore the science of wellbeing and how to build adaptive resilience to help you lead yourself through life.

This is a fast-paced, interactive workshop with a focus on research-based insights and practical application. It’s part of the shiny new The Great Recharge learning events that the wonderful Kathryn Jackson (MA, FCIPD, EMCC) has developed.

Please message me if you’d like more details, or register at https://lnkd.in/gcN_y-WR

Spaces are limited and at just $79, this is one you won’t want to miss!

Choosing not to address poor performance because the individual is a nice person isn’t the kindness you think it is.

In fact, it does a huge disservice to the individual.

Imagine how you’d feel if you got home at the end of the day to discover you’d had spinach in your teeth since lunchtime. There you were, feeling pretty happy with how you looked and how you’d interacted with others all day, blissfully unaware there was an issue.

Maybe you’d been in some important meetings with clients.

Maybe you’d been laughing and smiling with colleagues all afternoon.

Perhaps you’d even been speaking publicly or been for an interview.

And all along, as you thought you were dazzling others with your insights and intelligence, you had a big ol’ piece of spinach stealing their attention.

Ok, it might be a silly analogy. But I know I’d be mortified if that happened to me.

Would you really be thrilled if it were you?

Or would you wish that someone had kindly pointed out to you that you might want to pop to the loo and check your teeth in the mirror.

Stop avoiding the conversation because you think it’s awkward.

Stop pretending that it might solve itself if you don’t say anything.

Stop assuming that you’ll hurt someone’s feelings more if you talk to them honestly than if you don’t let them know how they’re doing.

We can see the spinach in our teeth when we look in the mirror.

Not everyone has the ability to hold up their own metaphorical mirror and see what you see.

As a leader, sometimes you have to hold the mirror up for them. Have the care and decency and respect for them to do so.

Which of these four employees is most likely to damage your organisation and your reputation as a leader?

Employee A is the no-brainer, right? Someone who isn’t performing and doesn’t demonstrate desired behaviours would surely cause damage in the organisation. Yes, of course.

But let’s take a closer look at Employee C, because depending on how you deal with them, this kind of person can be even more damaging than Employee A.

How so?

Because if you reward Employee C for their strong performance in spite of their poor behaviour, you’ll undermine your culture, damage your leadership reputation, and alienate other employees - especially Employee D.

An organisation that genuinely cares about culture and values will not offer rewards, accolades or promotions to Employee C.

And yet I’ve seen it happen many times.

I’ve seen Employee C being given high sales bonuses, despite trampling over their colleagues to get their results.

I’ve seen Employee C being promoted, despite their behaviour being inappropriate.

We’ve all seen Employee C in the public eye receive a range of accolades for prowess in their field, while their unsavoury antics are swept under the carpet and ignored.

If you disregard poor behaviour and only focus on performance, people will notice. Employees, customers, prospective recruits, stakeholders - they’ll all see it.

And they’ll all hear loud and clear that you tolerate this behaviour. In fact, if you reward them, they’ll hear loud and clear that you CONDONE this behaviour.

Oh, and if you have published policies about standards of desirable behaviour, and you reward employees who don't meet those standards (and who perhaps behave in ways that directly oppose these standards) people will understand how hypocritical you are.

So if you care about culture (hint - you really must) then you won’t put the conversations with or about Employee C into the too-hard basket. You won’t reward or recognise Employee C. In fact, you’ll be working really hard to ensure that they either improve quickly and sustainably, or that they won’t be a continued part of your team.

Behaviour matters.

Do you have a word for the year?

I was introduced to this idea a few years ago: you select a word that encapsulates your theme or focus for the year. The word acts as a guiding principle and reminder, and can support you as you navigate what the year ahead brings.

Last year my word was Strength (physical, mental and emotional) and it still feels like an important focus for me, so this year I’m having two key words.

As well as Strength, my word for 2023 is Grace.

It’s not a word I use frequently but it came to me as my focus word very strongly so I checked its definitions and many meanings. Here are some that resonate and sum up why this is my word for the year:

1. ease, suppleness and elegance of movement (relevant for me in the literal sense as I explore more embodiment practices and modalities, and metaphorically as I like the idea of moving gracefully through life)

2. acting with charm, kindness and courtesy (an important standard to hold for myself, particularly these days)

3. the love and mercy given by God (I’m not religious but I’m drawn to this concept as I continue my studies in yoga Ta**ra and other spiritual teachings)

4. being considerate or thoughtful and willing to be fair and to forgive (feels particularly important in this day and age)

For me, as I feel into a sense of Grace it seems both serene and strong, and makes me stand up tall while feeling very grounded. It definitely feels like the right word to guide me in 2023.

What’s your word for the year?

Today was day 3 of my yoga teacher training and so far it feels like the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

I’m mostly staying offline this week as my mind and body are fully engaged elsewhere. The training is demanding and overwhelming, physically, mentally and emotionally. And I’m loving it.

Whether or not I ever teach a yoga class, I know this training will help me immensely in all aspects of my life and work. I’m sure I’ll share more in due course.

Ending the day barefoot in the cold ocean, with this spectacular sky, was the perfect way to ground myself after a hard day. And I’m reminded that doing things that nourish me matters more than ever when things feel challenging.

What do you need to give yourself permission for?

Permission to say no
Permission to say yes
Permission to have boundaries
Permission to put yourself first
Permission to express yourself
Permission to believe in yourself
Permission to do it your way
Permission to invest in yourself
Permission to find yourself
Permission to be yourself
Permission to get your s**t together
Permission to stand up
Permission to stand out
Permission to stop caring what others think
Permission to trust your gut
Permission to make a change
Permission to start
Permission to quit
Permission to say what you think
Permission to fail
Permission to break the norms
Permission to be imperfect

I often notice my clients seem to find it hard to give themselves permission to do something, often as a result of conditioned norms, social expectations, or stories they are telling themselves about what they “should” or “should not” do.

It’s very liberating when we expose this and they give themselves permission to move forward. Often it takes time and practice to strengthen this new approach, and I’m there to support them as they build confidence. 

The first step is to be aware of it, see it for what it is, and decide whether to give yourself permission to make the change.

Why not make today the day you give yourself permission?

A couple of months ago, I was running a workshop at an event and in the lead-up I was described as a motivational speaker. I’m aware this was intended as a compliment, and while I took it in that spirit I also decided to re-frame it for the audience as part of my session.

To be really clear: I’m not here to simply try to motivate you or gee you up. I’m here to offer you practical support which is intended to be meaningful and helpful to you as you navigate work and life.

I don’t ever want to stray into the realms of toxic positivity, which is a way of describing a forced positive approach, the notion of extreme positive thinking that is superficial and doesn’t acknowledge the reality of what might be present for someone.  In fact, in toxic positivity our very real challenges are often swept under the carpet, which can be very harmful because it’s important for us to be able to process and digest our emotions and experiences. It's all about the which in my view, can be damaging.

Compare this to some key facets of self-leadership, which at its core is about being present with what actually is, and accepting it for what it is. This doesn’t mean you have to be ecstatic about what is (although you might be) but it’s about the basic sanity of not arguing with reality. In self leadership you have an awareness of your emotions and experiences and you can explore them and process them - and of course make intentional choices. Rather than plastering on a fake smile and pretending everything's amazing, when you lead yourself you can make choices, seek help and make real progress and growth.

I always hope that anyone reading my content finds some insight or inspiration or a bit of motivation. And most importantly, I hope you find practical ideas and tips that help you to lead yourself so you can build confidence, make an impact and feel fulfilled.

Having a bit of trouble believing in yourself? Here, borrow some of my belief in you. It'll keep you going while you build your own.

A few years ago a client commented to me that I believed in her before she believed in herself. I've always remembered that feedback because it's foundational to my coaching work.

As a coach, I see my client's potential and I point out where they might have a skewed view of their abilities or what's possible. I help them to see different options, to challenge their thinking about themselves and the world, and to open up to the idea that they just might be a pretty awesome person with strengths and skills to give.

Even if I don't yet know you, I believe in you. I know you have it in you. So whatever it is, whatever you need a wee bit of extra confidence or self-belief in, have some of the belief I have in you.

Exactly 53 weeks ago, Sorley unexpectedly joined the family (we re-homed him and it was love at first sight).

Exactly 52 weeks ago, we almost lost him due to a severe mystery gastric issue. Thanks to his vet care team and an emergency plasma infusion, we got him home a few days later.

Sorley’s entire purpose in life appears to be to spread love and sunshine ❤️

Here’s to us all finding as much joy in our days as Sorley on a black sand beach 🐾

Do you find it easier to identify and be aware of your supposed weaknesses than your skills and strengths?

This is something I see frequently in my coaching clients, and many of them tell me they struggle to articulate what their strengths are. 

Here are a few things I tell them, that might also be helpful for you:

- It’s human nature to orient towards the negative, so if you find yourself doing this, understand that it’s very common and very normal.
- Self-awareness isn’t only about understanding your weaknesses.
- Being truly self-aware also includes having an understanding your skills, strengths and what you do well.
- This isn’t about big-noting yourself, inflating your ego or blowing your own trumpet.
- It’s about developing a quiet inner knowing about your whole self, including your natural skills and strengths and the ways in which you positively impact others.
- There’s a world of difference between quietly understanding your strengths and being out there bragging about how great you are.
- There’s a humility to knowing your strengths. You can be more tuned into yourself and understand exactly when and how to step forward and offer your skills.
- Knowing your strengths can make a big impact on your levels of self-confidence.
- If you aren’t aware of your skills and strengths, you might be missing an opportunity to leverage them.

If the thought of naming your strengths and skills makes you squirm a bit, or if you tend to trot out a hackneyed answer that you think people want to hear, then perhaps it’s time for some more reflection. 

If you need some help to identify and claim your strengths, let me know. It’s a core part of my coaching and I have a free strengths workbook I can send you (comment below if you'd like this).

Stop putting things through the complicator!

Years ago, a colleague introduced me to the idea of the complicator, a metaphorical machine that simple ideas could be fed into and made more complicated.

Putting things through the complicator can result in confusion, lost time, reduced benefit of the original idea, implementation delays and in some case no progress at all.

In my mind the complicator has always looked like this (one of W***y Wonka's contraptions in the Roald Dahl book of my childhood). It makes me smile and it's also seems very real to me; I've seen many things go through a tangled process like this only to emerge a shadow of their former selves.

Use this image (or your own version) to check in and ask 'am I putting this through the complicator?'

After all, complexity is the enemy of ex*****on (to quote ).