Faculty Of Ribs, Department Of Comedy

"LAF 112"

1. Question: “Why Can’t
Anybody Satisfy A
Woman Completely?”
»Answer: “Because
Nobody Has A Dick Made
Of Gold, Decorated With
Diamonds And Ej******es
Cash.

2. Question: “Why Did
Newton Commit
Su***de?
»Answer: “Because He
Saw A Complete Naked
Girl, And Observed
Something Going Up In
His Pant, Against His
Own Laws Of Motion".

3. Questions: “Why Do
Men Wear Underwear?”
»Answer: “As Per Military
Rules, All Types Of
Weapons Should Be Kept
Covered During Peace
Time".

4. Questions: “Why Are
Vegetarian Women
Silent During Sex?”
»Answer: “They Are In
State Of Shock That A
Piece Of Meat Can Give So
Much Pleasure".

5. Question: Why Do
Women Wear Panty?
»Answer: "Because State
Law Says All Main-Holes
Must Be Covered When
Not In Use".

"LAF 111"

•U snap different pictures with different cars yet you claim say u no be runs gal. My sister you be mechanic?

•You buy your girlfriend ice cream, u dey sip pure water abi U diabetes?

•You claim say u no dey cheat on ur guy, yet u dey receive different calls for him presence my sister...u be costomer care agent?

•You buy your girlfriend suya u come dey chop onion.... oh boy you be vegetarian?

•U dey sponsor your girlfriend for university yet u never write jamb....my brother u be scholarship board?

•U ask a gal what she wants, she tell u money and u are angry, what do u expect her to say, wisdom and understanding abi?

•Ur babe get F9 parallel for WAEC, she still dey ask for Brazilian Hair of #150,000, were she wan fix am? On top of that coconut head?

•U have 8 tribal marks scattered all over ur body, yet u still want a tattoo ....ah my friend u be zebra?
•U are 6.5ft tall , u still com wear 6 inches high heel shoe...seh u wan go moon?

•U gather diff gals pix for your phone yet u expect your girlfriend to believe u are nt cheating.... Uncle u be photographer?

•He gave you an engagement ring for over 5 yrs, he never marry u, my dear u be lord of the ring?

•You don read all these things yet u neva smile, my friend abi u dey find job.

"LAF 112"

If d children of Israel were Nigerians! While crossing d red sea. ...they would have wasted the whole day in middle of the sea taking 'pictures' & uploading on Facebook & Twitter with comments like .....
(1) chilling with Moses
(2) miracle things on point
(3) crossing mode activated
(4) cruising in d red sea
(5) Pharaoh no fit catch us
(6) Omoo see fish flexing
(7) Fish for sale, ping for delivery
(8) flexing with Uncle Month
(9) swimming mode activated
(10) me and my boo on fish hunting ........
Abi na lie?

"LAF 111"

THE CLASS TEST
Akpors the lecturer in Abraka at Delta State University decided to give his students a test. He asked them to write the answers as he read out the questions.
The Instructions says: CANCELLED ANSWERS NOT ALLOWED.
Akpors the Lecturer:
*Question 1: What’s your favorite food? [10 mrks]
Female students were writing, Pizza, fried rice, Hamburger, ice cream, sharwama and all sorts of Chinese cuisine…..
*Question 2: How do you prepare the food? [50 marks]
Huh!! immediately, the female students started canceling and changing the foods to beans, cocoyam, & abacha, bolee and porridge yam, indomine, white rice with no soup, eba with no soup, garri and kulli kulli…..

"LAF 112"

How the next Generation will learn
the Alphabet.
A- adobe
B- Bluetooth
C- chat
D- download
E- email
F- Facebook
G- Google
H- Hotmail
I~ iPhone
J~ java
K~ Kingston
L~ laptop
M~ messenger
N~ Nokia
O~ outlook
P~ prints
Q~ Quick Time
R~ Ram
S~ Screen server
T~ Touch screen
U~ U S B
V~ window -Vista
W~ wifi1
X~ Xmas
Y~ You Tube
What do you think for 'Z' ???!

"LAF 111"

THIS IS True CRIME STORY 5 Friends lived in a room, Their names are:-
Mad, Brain, Stupid, Somebody, Nobody. 0ne day Somebody killed Nobody That time Brain was in the bathroom Mad called the police Mad :- Is it police station ? Police :- Yes, what is the matter ?
Mad :- Somebody killed Nobody!
Police :- are you mad?
Mad :- Yes, I m Mad. Police :- Don't u have brain?
Mad: Brain is in da bathroom
Police :- You are Stupid!
Mad :- I'm not Stupid, stupid is the one
who is reading this.

"LAF 112"

MAN IN A MINI BUS WANTED TO IMPRESS FELLOW PASSENGERS WITH HIS PROPOSAL ANTICS, SO HE CHOSE THIS QUIET BEAUTIFUL LADY TWO SEATS BEHIND HIM FOR A TARGET.
MAN: Hi there Gorgeous, I bet we have met before. Don't deny it, you have seen this handsome figure before, right? I just can't figure out where.
LADY: You are right. I am a Receptionist at a Sexually Transmitted
Infections Clinic. How are you feeling these days?

"LAF 111"

Answer all questions.
Note: No calculator or any electronic devices.
TIME:1hour 30mins.
--------------- ------
SECTION A:
1. If a Witch marries an Armed Robber and give birth to a pr******te, who will stay home at night?
a. Witch
b. Armed robber
c. Pr******te.

2. What are the name of the 2 people holding hands when U switch on a nokia phone?
a. Size8 & Judge Ian
b. Ryan Giggs & John Terry
c. Ballotelli & Usain bolt

3. If the past tense of take is took, what is the past tense of make?
a. Mook
b. Maked
c. Maken

4. I've a dream is to Luther King, as Pumbavuu
is to............. .

5. If Bob Colymore is a friend to Carolyn
Mutoko on facebook, then who sent the friend request?

SECTION B:
Compulsory essay questions:

1. Differentiate between Do or Die And all die be die . And give examples.

2.Only the tough get going when the going gets tough!!!

Start work and good luck.!
You spie I give you Malpractice Form :(

"LAF 112"

A guy meets a girl in a bar.
Guy: what's your name?
Girl: carmen!
Guy: That name sounds sexy, who gave it to you, is it your mother?
Girl: No one gave it to me, I named myself.
Guy: Why carmen??
Girl: Because I like cars and men!
And what's your name?
Guy: Beerf**k!

LMAO :D

"LAF 111"

School:
A place where papa pays and son plays
....
Life insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life, that you can die rich
....
Marriage:
Its an agreement in which a man looses his bachelors degree and a woman gains her masters ;)
.......
Dictionary:
A place were success comes before work
........
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight
.......
Doctor:
A person who kill your ills by pills and kills you with Bills.

"LAF 112"

Akpos and his son akpos jnr were listening to a Radio broadcast, eventually akpos jnr looked at his dad and said, papa; this people are making a very big mistake.
Then AKPOS asked him “son what is the matter”
His son replied saying, “when Mr Obi died, they announced "OBI-TUARY" and
now Mr Okoro died, they still announced Obituary again instead of OKOROTUARY”
Describe Akpos’ Son in one word

"LAF 111"

The President of America decided to host, his
Deputy, Beyonce, and the funniest man in Africa AKPOS were in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it got
completely dark. Suddenly there was a kissing sound and then a slap! The train came out of the tunnel. The deputy and Akpos were sitting down looking perplexed. The President was bent over holding his face, which was red from an apparent slap. All of them remained diplomatic and nobody said anything.
The Deputy was thinking; “These men are all crazily after Beyonce. The President must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.”
Beyonce was thinking: “The President must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Akpos instead and got slapped.”
The President was thinking; “Damn it, Akpos must have tried to kiss Beyonce and she thought it was me and slapped me.”
Akpos was thinking; “If this train goes through another tunnel, I would make another kissing sound and slap the President again.”
One word for Akpos....
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