26/05/2025
I saw your wife yesterday, Nnamdi. Our eyes locked as she strolled through the aisle I had just left, then her eyes were on the shelf, while mine remained on her. I couldn't bring myself to look away. I used to wonder how I'd behave when I met her. I used to think I'd walk up to her and spill your betrayal. Tell her what she's in for and give her a slice of my pain. But in that moment, all I could think of was the baby on her back. Her round innocent eyes and lips just like yours.
You have a daughter, Nnam. And I'm wondering how you feel about that.
How does it feel to know that someday she'll be in a relationship with a man. Does it scare you that she could meet a man like you? Do you have sleepless nights thinking of how to prevent her from being like me? Like the many girls you bragged to have"Used." Do you fear she'll be used too?
She's beautiful, Nnam. Just like her mother. I starred from mother to child, swinging between hurt and admiration.
I prayed for you, Nnam. I spent days on my knees, weeping and wailing and calling on all the forces of evil to locate you and your generation. It was on the eve of your wedding, the day I stumbled on a WhatsApp status and found out you were getting married..What a way to discover that the man I'd been dating for almost five years, the one who travelled to Akwa Ibom for a business meeting was getting married!
When I called, you didn't pick. You never called back. My calls stopped coming through and I figured you had blocked me.
At first I had questions... Why? What did I do wrong? How did I miss the signs? When did you meet her and at what point did your friends, the ones who call me "Our wife," the ones I saw in your wedding pictures, at what point did they know I'd never be your wife?
The betrayal ran on different levels.
I didn't imagine that I'd see your wife a year later and admire the fruit of that Union, that I'd take back my words and wish the best for that little human.
So Nnam, here's a word of advice for you; teach her to never be me. Show her how to escape falling prey to men like you. I blamed you for a while, and month after month, I began to see the part I played.
I dropped my guard. From the first kiss to the fifth abortion. I kept weakening my boundaries to accommodate you. Teach her to never lower her standards for a man.
I made excuses for you. The compromising pictures on your phone, the calls you didn't pick before me. The female colleagues who eyed me in disgust. Teach her to never ignore truth-pointing clues, no matter how much it contradicts her desire.
I overdid for you. The birthday parties I threw when you never bought me a gift on mine. The clothes I purchased. The monthly split of my income. The account of my spending I gave to you, when I didn't even know how much you earned or how it was spent. Teach her that love is not stupid.
I was stupid.
I was consumed by a need to be loved by you. I told stories to friends, stories of how much you loved and cared for me, and garnished them with acts of love from you, I only imagined. Teach her to love herself and be so content in God's love for her, she's not needy of love and vulnerable to being abused.
But I doubt you have the capacity to teach her about God's love. Because even though you're a Pastor's kid and a leader in Church, there was never a day where godliness slipped through you. From our first conversation to the last week together, we did things, said things that were so carnal, so unlike Christ..I think of it now and I'm wondering 'How did I get so far away from godliness?'
I wanted to end it severally. But you knew how to draw me in. You'd throw bones and promise flesh. You knew how to play me. How to manipulate my heart and stir me towards you. Teach her to hold the reins of her heart. To apply logic and wisdom in her relationships.
Oh, I had counsel. I doubted them. Distanced myself from friends who tried to talk sense into me. And stayed with the friends who missed the signs about you. And they were subtle most times. Those signs. You were so subtle. Teach her to be as wise as a serpent but harmless like a dove.
And if you don't teach her any of these.... teach her to never throw herself at a man. To be so rooted in her identity as God's beloved she's not vulnerable to heart manipulations and men who prey on love-starved girls.
And oh, also let her know that sometimes you can be grounded in your identity, apply wisdom, love yourself and yet... Preying men will still try to get you.
Teach her to forgive herself if she ever makes my kind of mistake.
But Nnam, how did your heart get so evil?
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