Amuwo odofin/just joke and more

1. The anger of a p***s doesn't destroy the
va**na (Zimbabwe).
2. There is no virgin in a maternity ward
(Cameroon).
3. A child can play with it's mother's breasts but
not with the father's testicles (Ghana).
4. The man who marries a beautiful woman and
the farmer who grows corn by the road side
have the same problem (Ghana).
5. When you see a woman sitting with her legs
open, never tell her to close them because you
do not know her source of
fresh air (Ethiopia).
6. He who says that nothing lasts forever has
never tried Hausa perfume (Nigeria).
7. The only woman who knows where her man
is every night is a widow (Togo).
8. An erect p***s has no conscience (Uganda).
9. If you go to sleep with an itching a**s, you
are sure to wake up with smelly fingers (Kenya).
10. The day a mosquito lands on your testicles
is the day you will know there is a better way of
resolving issues without
resorting to violence (Ethiopia)

Behind every PRETTY GIRL..There is a Boy Wasting His Time.

Behind every PRETTY GIRL..There is a Boy Wasting His Time.

A senior friend asked me to wait
for him in an
eatery in Lagos.
So I ordered a meal of about
N1,500 (an amount a
gentleman can afford). While eating and waiting, I noticed
a man in a
flowing apparel (Agbada) walk in.
About 50 seconds later, a man
went to this man
and told him he lost his wife and needed money to
keep body and
soul together.
Immediately, the man gave him a
million naira
cheque out of pity. (Wow! I was shocked)
Another man went in crying and
saying he lost his
father and needed money 4 his
burial, this good
and benevolent man gave him a million naira cheque
too!
I told myself, "I can't be left out of
this Bounty."
I began cooking a story in my
mind, a pitiful lie I'll also tell to receive my own N1
million.
I summoned a little bit of courage
and went to
where the rich man was sitting.
I told him I lost my grandfather and I needed
money.
(I was crying hysterically)
While I was expecting this man to
open his
briefcase and give me a cheque too, I suddenly
heard a noise from behind
me,
"CUT!!! CUT!!! CUT!!! MR MAN, YOU
CAN'T
INTERRUPT OUR FILM." KAI... E PAIN ME O I NO GO LIE

The old man and the parrot
An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was yellow and green and orange and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes. The old man just stared at him. The boy said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?" The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I once got drunk and had s*x with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.

What Not To Put On Your Application For Employment
NAME: Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If
that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

A DAY IN HELL
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon... Demon: Why so glum chum? Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell. Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man? Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks. Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! Guy: Gee that sounds great. Demon: You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking. Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest ci**rs from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember? Guy: Wow...that's...awesome! Demon: I bet you like to gamble. Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling. Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow. Demon: You into drugs? Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean... Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!! Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!! Demon: You gay? Guy: Uh no. Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays
.

please guys let help this lovely lady win southernface beauty pageant by following this link http://on.fb.me/1RE5I46 all you just have to do is like the picture. Thanks
.

A new element has been added to
the PERIODIC TABLE:
Name: Girl
Symbol: Gl
Atomic weight: Don't even dare to
ask. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Boils at any time,
2. Melts when handled with love
and care.
3. Very bitter when mishandled.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Very reactive,
2. Highly unstable,
3. Possesses high affinity to gold,
platinum, diamond, branded
clothes and other expensive items.
NATURE: 1. Money reducing agent.
2. Volatile when left alone.
OCCURRENCE:
Mostly found in front of the
mirrors.
Other properties includes: 1. Reacts with MARY-K powder to
form a s*xy Opaque surface area.
2. Very Stable in the presence of I-
Pad, Blackberry, and Galaxy Tabs.
3. Very Volatile when a corrosive
element e.g Another Girl (AG) tries to take her BF by Substitution
reaction.
4. Highly Unstable when the Half-
Life of her Radioactive Dating
reaches 30yrs.
5. Makes a happy POP sound when a Basic substance like Brazilian Hair
or foreign element like GUCCI
combines with her at a high
temperature of 100,000 degrees
Naira.
ASSIGNMENT: Give me at least TWO more Physical/ chemical Properties of element Gl.

JOKES
Husband: Sweetheart
Wife: Yes honey!
Husband: Come!
Wife: why?
Husband: come first. Wife: Ok, I'm here
Husband: Remove ur
clothes
Wife: what for ?
Husband: Please, do it now!
Wife: I've done it. Husband: Remove all ur panties.
Wife: why?
Husband: just do it now!
Wife: Ok, I'm n**e now
Husband: Come to the bed!
Wife: Here I am! Husband: Spread ur legs!
Wife: I've done it!
Husband: help me
count my
money!
Wife: Must I be n**e while counting ur money?
Husband: Yes, because I don't trust
u
when it comes to
money!
This man is from which State?.....

Akpors just got admitted to the
village school, IGBANDA GRAMMAR
SCHOOL
the best school in the village and it
was his first day in school an
inspector was visiting. .
The CRK teacher was in class telling
them the story of DANEIL IN THE
LION'S DEN when the sighted the
principal and the inspector heading
towards the class. The Old and forgetful CRK teacher
wrote GENESIS as the topic on the
board without thinking.

Class: Good mooooooorning sir, we
are happy to see you sir .
Inspector: good morning class, i
can see your teacher is telling you
what happened in the book of
genesis.....?
Class: yeeeeeeeees sir
Inspector(point ing to Akpors): ok, you there, who killed Abel....?

Akpors: Sir i don't know, i have
been in the class since 8am ask my
friend Amos, i didn't killed Abel sir.
Inspector(angry ): i said who killed Abel......?

Akpors: I am a christian, i can't kill.
i don't even know this Abel you are
talking of, is he in our class.....?
Inspector (turning to the teacher):
ok teacher can you tell the class
who killed Abel...?
Teacher (knees down and open his
hands wide): My son, How did you
expect me to kill, what example will i be laying to my students
if i kill a person.....?
Inspector (dissappointed turns to
the principal): ok class the principal
will help to tell us who killed Abel.
Mr principal, who killed Abel.......?
Principal: when u came to my
office, did'nt you see me there.....?

Inspector: I did
Principal: Did u see blood stains in
my hands.....?

Inspector: No

Principal: How could i have killed Abel....? where is the proof that i
did.....?
And the whole class clapped for the
principal,
the inspector fainted!.

My Landlord called me the
other day for a one and
one. In no particular
order, here are the seven
things he told me just one
month after I moved in.
Strive to build your
own house in Lagos.
The location does not
matter, just build a
house. There is no
award for a good and responsible tenant.
My wife and two
daughters say you
are quiet and
responsible. They talk
about you always.
Please remain quiet and responsible.
My
son you see my wife
and daughters?! Stay
away from them. The
handshake must
never go beyond the palms.

You can be very
friendly with those
women selling on this
street and the
adjoining street; but
never be their friend.
This is a friendly
advice. The day you bring
back a car that I know
can build you a house,
I will trouble you until
you are either forced
to leave my house to another man’s
house or you will be
forced to build your
own house.
You are never going to be the oldest
tenant in this
compound. Make of
that whatever you
will. You can play your
music as loud as you
want, however, if the
sound crosses your
apartment into mine;
be ready to move your music player to
the club that day. Well, except for the
days you are having
special celebrations.
I will mind my
business as long as
the number of
women that come
visiting you is kept at
the bare minimum. Anything above bare
minimum, I won’t
mind my business any
more.