Coach BSO

This week, I want to discuss two related leadership patterns: breaking one often involves breaking the other.

The Dependency Pattern is where the team can't function without the leader, and the Avoidance Pattern is where the leader postpones difficult conversations.

Leaders who create dependency usually do so because they are avoiding something, like addressing performance issues, delegating discomfort, or admitting they lack answers, and they stay involved to feel safer.

I worked with a leader who reviewed every email, report, and presentation, saying, "The quality has to be right."

When I asked what would happen if they trusted the team, they hesitated and realised it meant having three tough conversations they'd delayed for 18 months.

Breaking these patterns requires the courage to have honest, kind conversations.

DM me "AVOIDANCE" and let’s talk about your delayed conversation.

Moses led three million people but couldn’t do it alone.

His father-in-law Jethro observed him for a day and saw Moses sit all day while people waited for disputes, questions, and decisions.

Jethro said, "What you are doing is not good. You will wear yourself out and these people too. The work is too heavy for you. You cannot handle it alone."

Moses was a bottleneck not because he was weak, but because he made everything depend on him.

Jethro suggested identifying capable people, delegating authority, and focusing only on critical matters.

Moses implemented this, transforming the operation.

This is called the Dependency Pattern and with it, teams or organisations can't grow beyond what their leader can manage.

Leaders become bottlenecks, exhausted and irreplaceable, wondering why growth stops.

Jethro saw this in a day.

Sometimes a coach or question is needed.

If you were unavailable for a week, what would halt in your organisation?

Most leadership programs are complex, lengthy, and costly.

But what I am about to share takes five minutes and costs nothing, revealing more about your leadership effectiveness than most tools.

Now, answer these three questions honestly:

1. What is the most important thing my organisation needs from me this week that only I can provide?

2. How many hours did I spend on that last week?

3. What do I need to stop, delegate, or simplify to change that?

Your answers to these questions form a leadership strategy that is simple, specific, and immediately applicable.

They’ll tell you that you need a clearer focus, not a new system.

So, DM me "EFFECTIVE" and let’s discuss your leadership focus.

An executive proudly worked seventy hours a week, but when asked what his organisation needed most, he admitted he hadn't considered it.

Despite working constantly with commitment, he confused activity with progress and presence with impact.

We spent an hour identifying his leadership priorities, yet fewer than eight of his seventy hours were spent on them, with the rest not being work only he could do.

The truth is, effectiveness isn't about doing more but about doing what truly matters.

The shift from busy to effective is a clarity issue, available to leaders willing to pause and identify their true priorities.

Now, tell me, if you simplified your week to only essential work, what would remain?

You are working harder than ever.

But something important is just not moving.

Sound familiar?

Busyness can feel like leadership.

But it rarely is.

Swipe through to see 5 honest signs that your activity might be hiding a leadership problem and what the real shift looks like.

Save this for when you need a reset and tag someone who needs to see it.

I worked with an executive who attended at least 11 meetings a week because she believed her presence was essential to keep things running smoothly.

She was exhausted, behind on strategic work, and her team waited for her before making decisions.

She wasn’t lazy, but caught in the Busyness Pattern, always available but unfocused, valuing volume over quality.

This led to organisational stagnation, as her team stopped making decisions independently.

Rest and thinking felt indulgent, but her busyness cost both her well-being and the organisation.

After three sessions, she exited eight meetings, empowered her team, tripled her strategic output, and gained space to lead.

Busyness is a warning sign, not a badge. DM me “BUSY” and let's discuss what your busyness might actually be costing you.

Jesus never seemed in a hurry.

Think about that for a moment.

He had three years to change the world.

Twelve ordinary men to train.

An entire religious and political system to confront.

And the weight of humanity's redemption on His shoulders.

And yet, He withdrew.

He rested.

He sat at meals that went on for long.

He stopped for individuals in the middle of crowds.

He slept in a storm that terrified everyone around Him.

He was never, as far as the Gospels record, frantically busy.

Yet nothing in history has produced more lasting impact.

I have been thinking about this in the context of the leaders I work with because busyness is the presenting problem behind almost every leadership struggle I encounter.

Not the real problem.

The presenting problem.

The leader who is in back-to-back meetings all day.

The director who answers emails at midnight.

The executive who has not taken a full day off in three months.

They are all working incredibly hard. And many of them are moving their organisations nowhere.

Because busyness; real, relentless, performative busyness is almost always a substitute for something such as clarity or direction or the courage to do the fewer, harder, more important things.

Jesus modelled something different: Intentional presence and deliberate focus.

The discipline to say no to the noise so He could say yes to what actually mattered.

And so, this week we are looking at the Busyness Pattern.

Where in your leadership is busyness currently substituting for clarity?

Breaking the Isolation Pattern doesn't need a team day, a culture consultant, or feedback tools.

It requires a leader who responds differently to honesty.

Here's a practical framework:

1. Ask better questions like 'what can we do better right now? and genuinely listen.

2. Publicly thank those who share hard truths.

3. Act on feedback and communicate changes.

4. Hold monthly private one-on-ones focusing on honesty, not performance.

5. Get a coach to have honest conversations outside of your team.

This pattern can be broken, even after so many years and it starts with a decision to prioritise truth over comfort.

DM me 'TRUTH' to discuss breaking this pattern for you.

He was talented, experienced, and committed.

Over a decade, he built a team unable to give honest feedback, not because they lacked care, but because he yells whenever criticised.

His reactions led the team to stop raising concerns or offering alternatives, allowing him to make decisions based on a distorted reality.

When I pointed this out, he realised that he had become unapproachable.

The truth is, self-awareness involves recognising how your presence affects others, often in unintended ways.

Indeed, true leadership begins with internal reflection.

Now, think about this; what might your team be silently experiencing about your leadership?

The Isolation Pattern never announces itself.

It forms quietly, one small signal at a time.

And the most dangerous thing about it?

It is completely invisible to the leader it is forming around.

Swipe through to see all 5 signs and ask yourself honestly if any of them are showing up in your team right now.

By the way, save this, you will want to come back to it.

And share it with a leader who needs to see it today.

Which sign hit closest to home for you? Drop it in the comments.

And if you are ready to break the pattern, DM me the word ISOLATED and let’s talk.