07/07/2019
THE DARK CORNERS..
my heart bleeds, tears roll down my chin and my emotions tie down with the pains as i begin to type this dark part of my life...
I won't forget that day, that faithful morning when that word keeps on ringing in my heart, the word of that colleague " Elvis stop hustling this is the richest part of your life, poverty if in your family blood line". I look at him, trying to control the flow of tears with fake smiles " thank you man, you speak like man but God will always speak like God" and walk away, i was broken and burn to frazzle by those harsh word of his.
i saw myself as being worthless, i saw life greedy on me, my heart melted. Getting home that day the memory of dads death came anew in my consciousness.
those words piece in the chest.
I picked up a knife from the kitchen and ran into the bedroom, no one was there to say "Elvis stop!, don't do it. Why do you want to kill yourself? Please don't."
Mum was not home. I saw God as one who is not concern about how i felt.
Lifting up that knife about to end It all, about to say goodbye to the heartless world whom i think has nothing good to offer me than a bow of sadness, a tiny voice stopped me..
it re echoes continuously " you will die and go to hell" the same fear grabbed me.
Few days after nothing changed. The struggle for a better life still continues, the loads where to heavy as i try off loading and loading vehicle part with the other guy of my age and older ones at the cargo beach. At the end of every day we where given pea nut money that could not afford us three square meal.
Three years after the continuous labour i contacted sickness of the testicles. That faithful day i and the order guys needs to carry a 500kg bags of imported clothes in across our shoulders to be able to make enough money. I never knew my pains will increase that day, my testicles inflame and very painful.
i wore bigger boxers as i walk briskly to the hospital for check up. " young man...Cht2 Loading..
