Wax Lyrical Academy of English Articulacy

I believe in chilli. I believe in the power of chilli to wipe everything out of our minds as we sit down to dine. I regularly seek out the hottest food. I'm not talking spicy. I'm talking PURE UNADULTERATED HOT!! And I found it!

At Delight Delicatessen, the Flame Broiled Mera Mera Chicken is served with chilli (in that Delight bottle in this pic) so hot that your ears will tingle and your tongue will cease to exist. Your eyes will see without knowing. Your powers of coherence will fail and whatever your friends say will be nodded to without actual cognition. It is so hot that your sinuses will burst asunder and your scalp will sweat unrestrained.

Orang putih need not try; you will die! But my fellow Malaysians, lend me your tongues...

Only RM19.80. Go and burn yourselves!

After buying a few of these cinnamon and raisins buns, I politely told the seller about the error.

Her son then asked for the correct spelling, which I gave. I asked permission to take this photograph, telling them that people would be drawn to their stall to see the 'Seniman' bun themselves.

For sale in the Jelutong market area from 7pm to midnight. Only RM1 apiece. Rather tasty too.

....I was about to crank out a snappy caption. But what if this piece of animism in Lengkok Burma decides to smite me for it?

So I'm not gonna say anything else.

Flocks of linguists across the land, and it's Tom Clancy who puts it best:

"The document had been laundered -- scrubbed -- better than Mafia income. All the surnames had been changed, as had the syntax and adjectives, to disguise patterns of speech. It was thought -- hoped would be a better term -- that even those whose discourse was being reported would not have recognized their own words. But the content had been protected -- even improved, in fact, since the nuances of Mandarin had been fully translated in to American English idiom. That had been the hardest part. Languages do not really translate into one another easily or well. The denotations of words were one thing. The connotations were another, and these never really paralleled from one tongue to another. The linguists employed by the intelligence services were among the best in the country, people who regularly read poetry, and sometimes published journal pieces, under their own names, so that they could communicate their expertise in -- and indeed, love of -- their chosen foreign language with others of a similar mind. What resulted were pretty good translations, Ryan thought, but he was always a little wary of them."

-- US President Jack Ryan contemplating on a document from the Chinese Politburo, stolen and translated by the CIA.
Chapter 16
The Bear and the Dragon
By Tom Clancy

The Bear and the Dragon (Jack Ryan) The #1 New York Times bestseller in hardcover, on the list for 24 weeks! President Jack Ryan faces a world crisis unlike any he has ever known, in Tom Clancy's extraordinary new novel…. A high-level assassination attempt in Russia has the newly elected Ryan sending his...

English from around the world (with thanks to Goh Tiang Boo for the email.):

In a Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a Cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT S*X, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE S*X IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A Laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window:
IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED, PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE.

I can't remember everyone's names. Tag yourself if you feel the desire.

Though our friends up in the ivory tower may cry murder. I need you to burn this message into your minds.

When you kiss the campus goodbye and face the unforgiving world, reduce wordload.