The Edge - Self Development Group

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The Power of Networking Exploring the impact of networking on personal development andgrowth. Eric is highlighting how connecting with like-minded individualscan lead to new opportu...

Detachment

This short article is merely a reflective one. The subject has intrigued nations throughout history in various ways, one word that thus far I believe we do not really have full understanding of its ‘real’ meaning. We may fantasies, reflect or debate over it, we may right a library of books on it and we may still be far away from understanding it. We may intellectually speak about it, however the more I delve into this subject called ‘detachment’ I feel that I am quit far away from really ‘living’ its ‘real’ meaning.

A Deeper Meaning

I came across a chapter on ‘Detachment’ recently in a book called ‘New Seeds of Contemplation’ by Thomas Merton. He was an American Trappist monk, writer, theologian, mystic, poet, social activist and scholar of comparative religion. Endorsed by individuals such as The Dalai Lama, Pope Francis, Francine Du Plessix Gray, hence I needed to see what the book was all about and his views on life per se. Thich Nhat Hann actually described him as ‘He is an Artist, a Zen’.

One statement struck a chord per se, he argues that ‘’I wonder if there are twenty men alive in the world now who see things as they really are. That would mean that there were twenty men who were free, who were not dominated or even influenced by any attachment to any created thing or to their own selves or to any gift of God, even to the highest, the most supernaturally pure of His grace. I don’t believe that there are twenty such men alive in the world. But there must be one or two. They are the ones who are holding everything together and keeping the universe from falling apart’’

What it May Mean

To add a bit of context here, lets dissect the statement a little bit. First of all, the form of detached individual that he is referring to is in my view light years from where I stand in my personal embodiment of it. My description here is merely a fantasy of my intellectual faculties, but far away to even phantom that state phenomenologically. Phenomenological here meaning to actually live and be in that state.

We are dominated by desire and he continues to describe that in a way even of the purest desires to do good is in fact an attachment to something. Even in moral principles we are drawn or influenced by the phenomena of something. Let’s say that we are entertaining an idea of charity or philanthropy work, or the purer way of living per se, is still a form of attachment to that. Perfectly legitimate and nothing wrong with it, but in the context of purest detachment that he describes here, is in fact an attachment to it.

A personal example is this, if you are one like me that meditates, notice how after a while we become attached to that. Whilst still a harmless exercise that would do not harm to others, even if we glorify it to be pure and important, it is in fact an attachment to it. Now, I may be able to understand, and please note that I am paraphrasing here from an interesting teacher of Vedanta principles that I once met. He said, in the beginning you will meditate to retrieve its benefits, however this in time will also need to drop, because you need to meditate for the sake of meditation and nothing else.

Why Then?

So then we may ask, what is the point? Well, let’s take a step back a little bit, in reality there is nothing wrong in being attached to anything worldly. However in this context, which is a reflective essay on the true nature of ‘freedom’, the ‘real’ nature to understand what we really are, that attachment to whatever it is may need to be collapsed.

In hindsight, even if we aspire to a purer way of living whatever that may be, or developing ourselves to some way of being that we may believe is just or pure, is still a form of attachment. A form of prison per se, maybe a golden prison but a prison never the less. A ‘golden’ prison that we believe and identify with.

Final Reflection

Therefore, what are we identifying with on a daily bases, what influences or notions of ourselves do we have about our identity. Maybe with that reflection done from time to time, just maybe we can grow the prison. Maybe then, after a while, whilst we still are living with certain bigger prisons or prisons that may seem fruitful, then maybe if we keep this in mind we may be able to collapse that identification, that prison, that belief system that moves us beyond ourselves and then, well, maybe, just maybe, through ‘grace’ we may be part of the two that he is referring to. Then we may be free for the sake of being free and seeing things as they really are – maybe.

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The Power to Succeed – What it May Take

Many ask, what is the secrete to success, what is the primal force per se. Well, if one has to be honest it is never a straight forward answer. Many factors come to play here, but for this read we will discover some basic elements, the ground, which without it, real success that is lasting may never be achieved.

Furthermore, lets agree that success may look or feel totally different to you than to your neighbour. Success also has different shades depending in what area of your life you look at. It also breeds a separate psychology towards it, depending on what success is to you. But today we will not explore these ideas, today we will touch on one basic necessity that may be crucial.

One basic but powerful need is to understand what one really wants. The issue with that however is that most of us don’t really know what we want. Let me elaborate, we may think we know what we want and sometimes we get it right but for the most part we may ‘believe’ a certain way of life will make us successful and inevitable happy.

To elaborate and expand on this subject, I will inject a statement by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “What lies before us, what lies behind us, is nothing compared to what lies within us’’.

What does he really mean by that?

Let us consider for a second that what lies within us is our ‘real’ potential or purpose. In my journey of this phenomena called life, I thought and had a belief that having lots of money, would make me feel or look successful and with that feel important. I did that, but if I were to be honest, it did not really make me happy, neither did I feel important. Don’t get me wrong there was enthusiasm on the achievements, but really short lived.

It mirrored the statement that I read by Edward B. Butler ‘One man has enthusiasm for 30 minutes, another for 30 days, but it is the man who has it for 30 years who makes success of his life’’. What he may be suggesting here like Ralf Waldo Emerson is that maybe we should be looking for something deeper that truly makes us happy – a purpose of sorts. For the most part, most people that I have met that have a purpose that really falls in line with them state that they are truly happy and it does not feel like work or anything like that, for them it is more of a way of life. Regardless of what anyone thought of them, they just did what they felt truly made them happy and that is very powerful. That will make you wake up early in the morning and that will make you go back to bed late at night with lasting enthusiasm.

Don’t get me wrong, money does give an element of freedom in this world and the way we operate. And, money in itself is just that, the association that we have with money is what creates problems such as greed – its association to it does that, by itself it’s pretty harmless. The point is, you can have ‘plenty’ of it and still be miserable – true story. However this article is not about money and its ethics – that is for another article.

What can be done if we have not found it yet – the purpose?

Going back to the drawing board per se. I remember being asked when I was a very young child – what would you like to become when you grow up? Most children would utter something cool like, an astronaut or a firefighter. However, without any hesitation I said that I wanted to be a priest. Wait, just wait, let me explain. From my child worldview, I saw priests as an old wise man with knowledge and wisdom and the unknown. From a very young age I aspired knowledge and wisdom and what the meaning of all this so called life is about. That was a deep purpose that I laid of for a very long time.

I wanted to make those big bucks to feel important and as life goes on, you grow older, go to school, get a job to make the bucks that you thought would make you happy and successful and then you get married and then…. Well, you know the storyline. However in my early twenties, I was lucky to cross paths with one of my mentors and he started entertaining these heedful questions.

His favourite was ‘Who is I’? That had a deeper meaning but it did start a process of reflections, a journey of discovery of sorts. With that, slowly but surely I embarked on affairs that made me truly happy and one was the search for deep knowledge. Did I stop all my life to do that? No, but as the years went by, I discovered a couple of things that fell more in line with what I am about and a couple of core ideas that I wished to make them into a way of life – which stems from a purpose and I had a couple of them.

Then, what is our responsibility and choice?

We all have established some form of a life of sorts with different shades and well, bills to pay. We are not suggesting here to stop everything that you are doing and go up a mountain to find your purpose. However what is being suggested here is to take stock from time to time in reflection or contemplation. Start reflecting what would really make you happy, a search of a core purpose, what would give you enthusiasm for a lifetime, what would give you energy beyond comprehension? Who is You? Another suggestion is to seek guidance from teachers or mentors, better a person that has no person interests towards you, but is just there as an accountable partner that will question you proactively. Question you in the sense that we may believe we want something but it may come from some sort of insecurity or lack, which usually after its achievements, the enthusiasm is short lived. Neither is there anything wrong with that, but what we are suggesting here is that unlimited power toward a successful life as Edward B. Butler suggested – which comes with a purpose. This will be your unlimited fuel, upon which you will need no validation from anyone, because you know it really fits with you.

Final thoughts…

Anthony Robbins, who is an American author, coach and speaker that entertained many purposes in his life who also was guided with his own mentors stated ‘’There is a powerful driving force inside every human being that, once unleased, can make any vision, dream, or desire a reality. My life’s quest has been to awaken this force and help each of us to remember and use the unlimited power that resides within us all’’

He travels around the world entertaining and sharing these ideas and it really comes down in finding a purpose and in his case, that he calls a ‘quest’ was just to do that. But it does take that responsibility from you to start self-reflection, because once we know ourselves a little bit more, we get closer to what really makes us happy. This could be several idea, such as Arnold Schwarzenegger, from Body Building to Terminator (ok ok actor) to Politics then to serving the community.

You may be also discouraged by your age – I am too old now or I am 70. Well, here is a question for you, how old will you be if you do not start? My bet is pretty old – never. Even if you are 70, the fact that you are entertaining or going towards these ideas opens a door of enthusiasm – going towards something that really matters to you and is very close to your heart.

The Edge is here also to assist and discuss these ideas with you, should you wish to entertain them. If you look at all the great or really happy individuals in the context of this article, there is usually a common factor per se, they did not do it alone. And I do not think it is ever meant to be that way because we are human and humans impact humans for better or for worse – here it is the former.

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An article about where anxiety comes from. Dealing with this problem is one of the basic things we should start with. Anxieties are one of the main inhibitors to further growth.

Anxiety – A Short Contemplation

From a theological or spiritual view Martin Buber once stated ‘A person cannot approach the divine by reaching beyond the human. To become human, is what this individual person, has been created for’. In his seminal work, without any aim or preconceived ideas, two individuals truly meet.

This is through what he calls the I-Thou relation, as opposed to the I-it relation where there is some sort of an aim. Whilst both are important for dialogue, in this worldly existence, the purest meeting is with the I-Thou relation.

Then from a psychological stance there is the ‘paradoxical theory of change’. The paradoxical theory of change was first introduced into Gestalt therapy in 1970 in an article written by Arnold Beisser.

This theory is based on the principle that; Change does not take place through a coercive attempt by the individual or by another person to change him, but it does take place if one takes the time and effort to be what he is – to be fully invested in his current positions. By rejecting the role of change agent, we make meaningful and orderly change possible; Beisser (1970).

One may wonder why the writer of this short read decided to start with two different concepts on a subject so vast as anxiety. Vast, here meaning that for the most part anxiety touches all of humanity.

This can stem from simply being anxious about meeting that aspired romantic partner for the first time or to extremes as actual disorders. And it definitely cannot be explored in a 3 to 5 minute read in its actual depth and where it came from.

Indeed. where does anxiety come from? With that notion, one then can conceive that it comes from somewhere, i.e. it is not the root cause, but rather showing us that we are anxious of something, the same may be said on grief, it is a byproduct of something deeper. In reality you are not an anxious person but a manifestation of some story that made you anxious in various degrees.

If one had to delve further into Martin Buber’s work for the most part it is challenging to be in the I-thou state at all times. Once one starts to entertain his ideas we still engage in a I-it relations for the most and a large chunk of our lives; we pursue that romantic journey because something in us pulls us towards the other partner, and the reason for that is that there is an aim – one can imagine that it is love.

He suggests, like Thomas Merton in his book New Seeds of Contemplation, that we as humans can reach some form of divine nature, though another human alone and not through isolation and fantasies of something that is beyond our reach. Personally this is an interesting assumption, if I look at something that I cannot reach, then inevitably one of the symptoms may be anxiety. According to his work the purest connection is without the ‘intention’, the collapsing of the ego per se.

Fair enough, their philosophy does sounds intriguing, however can we do this today, well not for me at least, this has not been my experience. Can it be more in our life, yes it can, however through practice. Is it challenging?

Yes, definitely, if you are anything like me, I get in the way all the time. ‘I’ here meaning my intentions and desires that I believe would suite me for the most part with good intention. To get in the way is natural and is also legitimate to aspire, however it does create anxiety if we are fully focused on ‘I’. In a nutshell the more we practice the I-thou, i.e. get myself out of the way , the more we see the other person or the situation for what it is.

The more we drop the expectations the less the intention and the less intention the more you are relaxed and are just being in the moment. Did I achieve this? Yes, but by a long shot and it is never constant, mere brief moments at a time, more like seconds. Furthermore, its more like, I am living in the I-it relation but less then I was decades ago, and I have not even scratched the surface because its somewhat of a less then before and more then before in the I-thou.

Then we have the paradox of change. We do not wish to be anxious or for that matter anything in life that we believe we don’t like about ourselves. Simply put, Beisser suggests to fully accept who you are in any given moment. I always wanted and still want to have change, achieve more, do more, aspire to more in different aspects of my life. This is also natural and legitimate for a human being.

However this also breeds anxiety in our lives from time to time. What is being suggested here in this theory is to fully accept who you are or what is happening in your life. Certainly, that is a bit of a tough pill to swallow, especially if you ever had your life fall to pieces. Remember, the key word is to truly ‘accept’, by no means am I entertaining the idea of giving up, neither is the author of the theory.

Furthermore, ‘acceptance’ of one part of your self and/or situation is not an easy feat. At times it requires great courage and guidance. I have been blessed to meet some interesting people in my life that instilled that in my very hard headed brain and what I found was that the more I accepted certain aspects of myself or situations, they indeed did collapse. Was this achieved from one day to the next, in my experience definitely not and I do not believe it will ever stop, aspects or situations that we wish to change, transform or adapt. This being said, the more I accept, the less anxious I was towards certain things or situations.
Scientifically this is all because of our mirror neurones.

Another subject for another day, but in short, the more we start to practice acceptance and get ourselves out of the way, the more our nervous system relaxes. The more our nervous system habitually mirrors our way of relating to ourselves and the world or situation at hand. More anxiety may breed more of that in other situations, in contrast then, the more relaxing our state the more we habitually relate to ourselves and situations in our life with less anxiety.

Please note that the above is not an exhaustive explanation or contemplation on the subject at hand, i.e., anxiety, 'ego’, ‘acceptance’, ‘mirror neurons’ and many other notions mentioned above but merely a grain of sand towards the subject. In fact, one can read volumes on the ‘paradoxical theory of change’ alone.

The Edge group will return to these subject and others concurrently with articles and workshops that will delve deeper into their full understanding and most importantly how to actually put it into practice with simple but well defined techniques from different teachers around the globe. For the moment, the two theories may suffice as an opening of sorts to their meaning and reason.

To conclude, you may look at it like a dance between the two, getting yourself, the ‘I’ more out of the way then not and accepting more, may lead to less stress which may give opportunity to less anxiety or none for that matter. This also applies to traumatic experiences, which we all have gone through. This can take time, in my experience, it has and it is still there, but less because I was blessed to have met great individuals that gave me seeds to inject into my daily life, whenever I can remember.

Those same individuals that you, the reader, will have the opportunity to meet through the Edge workshops that are coming soon. That is up to your degree of curiosity, should you wish to find out if these ideas rekindle your spirit, whist still living your life, but this time, from time to time with brief contemplation that may bear fruit to less anxiety and maybe none.

The Edge Team
Self Development Group

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Curious about what to expect at the 'Move Beyond the Past' workshop? Get ready to dive deep into self-discovery, empowerment, and transformation. We can't wait to embark on this journey with you!

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If you have tried to create a better life for yourself and your loved ones but still find something lacking, then this is for you.

We try many paths on the road to more peace and happiness in our lives, until we can recognise and accept the part we have played in creating our world we will continue to look outside for the answers. This workshop will help us facilitate a safe environment to face certain aspects that we are not comfortable with.

A new approach to old problems, one that doesn’t require you to continue struggling.

Clearing, developed by Eric Dowsett, who will be in Malta in September presenting a weekend workshop will share with you

To be Curious or Not to be Curious – Who is the Edge Self Development Group?

The Edge Self-development group is designed to create an atmosphere of learning and personal development from some of the greatest minds and thinkers across the world. The team here at the Edge is dedicated to create a space upon which individuals can share, read articles of interest and attend workshops anywhere in the world.

However, the most important initiative for us is to foster and entertain the idea of ‘question everything’, question the teachers, question the topics, question the ideas and of course ourselves until you reach a point where something resonates with you. Something that you can use in your daily life, either for personal or professional growth.

Picture this, in a sense, if you remember, as children we may be classed in two categories – the believers listening to authority without question and the none believers, well - the rule breaking monkeys.

At the Edge we suggest none of the two – let’s say for example if you remember, your mother telling you not to touch the iron as it is too hot. There are those that will not question their mother, i.e., the authority or belief system, and those that will touch the iron in some sort of childlike rebellion.

Well, two scenarios really – one got burnt and the other stayed with a belief system – we can all go home now. But wait!... how about we start to foster the nature of the curious child - question your mother, i.e. belief system, in the context of moving your hand closer to the iron, neither negating nor being to impulsive.

More often than not in this story you will find that your mother has a certain truth, the iron is hot. However, this time you experimented it for yourself, moving beyond a so called authority or norm (no pun intended to mothers of the world here) and on the other spectrum you will not be too impulsive to shrug off important information for the betterment of your hand.

However, the curious child, the third option would be to experiment and examine, see if that truth fits the reality for you at that particular time of your journey in life. What if, for example, the husband turned off the iron by trying to fix something in the house, if you did not examine, you would have not known.

Please note that the Edge will delve into deeper and far more interesting subject then the state of an iron or your hand or our mothers – but then again, we do not want to get burnt right?

What we are suggesting here is to be curious for yourself to develop the sense of self-regulation that may lead to self-realisation which may encourage you to move beyond limitations and norms even if they may appear to be the truth in someone else’s conception – however this time round you did the examination and found the ‘truth’ for yourself.

One can assume that the idea of this group sprung from the founding members just a couple of months ago, however, in truth, this developed over decades of experimenting per se. What we mean hear is this, whilst still on the journey, the members of the group over the years attended numerous self-development workshops, studied, read, contemplated, and met great minds, inevitably led to the manifestation of a self-development group called the Edge.

Over the past two decades we have met outstanding individuals that serviced human beings with different methods and techniques for the betterment of personal development. Key words here, ‘personal development’ - we are not here to change the world, the world will keep going with or without the Edge – hence we are here for the betterment of your ‘personal development’ and not the betterment of the world per se.

We will leave room for someone else to save the world, we are more than trilled just to touch one heart at a time. In essence you can call us torch bearers that are still in the game of life, still learning, still developing, but this time passing on what we come across that may seem valuable to others, to you, the reader. Yes - you, the reader and remember, question everything, be that curious child, be at the edge of that reality that is true for you and your journey!

The founding members of this group, have decades of knowledge in philosophy, psychology, spirituality, theology, commerce and business – injected through academic education and life experience. One of the founders is a successful owner of a lucrative business and another long history in academic psychology and spirituality, others in their personal and professional lives.

Like everyone in life, all the founding members had success and joy, however, like everyone in this world for the most part they too passed through challenging and traumatic experiences – all good, they came out alive – well for now at least. This being said, here at the Edge, our life stories and their challenges conjured the meeting of some exceptional human beings that gave us lessons, techniques and real measurable methods on how to overcome our challenges and into deeper self-development.

Teachers and mentors from all walk of life in fields of philosophy and it’s different schools of thought, psychology and its different theories, spirituality and its area of different concepts of, well – ‘what is this all about, really?’, theology, economics and business leaders. They have met some self-proclaimed gurus that did not amount to much and a few that really fit the bill per se.

Therefore, as stated in our entry of this short read, the Edge will facilitate workshops by inviting these exceptional individuals to facilitate workshops all around the worlds. Teachers of different school of thought and methods that have touched the lives of so many people for decades. Furthermore, the Edge will facilitate a platform by sharing ideas and concepts though articles and forums by cultivating a safe space that anyone can utilise for whatever they need in their journey. Either to better themselves or break through any challenges you may be going though at this stage of your journey.

To conclude, we hope to see you in our workshops and forums and we will leave you with this statement from Albert Einstein that we believe paints an intelligent picture of – ‘be curious’

“Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.”

The Edge

Self Development Group