20/08/2023
An article about where anxiety comes from. Dealing with this problem is one of the basic things we should start with. Anxieties are one of the main inhibitors to further growth.
Anxiety – A Short Contemplation
From a theological or spiritual view Martin Buber once stated ‘A person cannot approach the divine by reaching beyond the human. To become human, is what this individual person, has been created for’. In his seminal work, without any aim or preconceived ideas, two individuals truly meet.
This is through what he calls the I-Thou relation, as opposed to the I-it relation where there is some sort of an aim. Whilst both are important for dialogue, in this worldly existence, the purest meeting is with the I-Thou relation.
Then from a psychological stance there is the ‘paradoxical theory of change’. The paradoxical theory of change was first introduced into Gestalt therapy in 1970 in an article written by Arnold Beisser.
This theory is based on the principle that; Change does not take place through a coercive attempt by the individual or by another person to change him, but it does take place if one takes the time and effort to be what he is – to be fully invested in his current positions. By rejecting the role of change agent, we make meaningful and orderly change possible; Beisser (1970).
One may wonder why the writer of this short read decided to start with two different concepts on a subject so vast as anxiety. Vast, here meaning that for the most part anxiety touches all of humanity.
This can stem from simply being anxious about meeting that aspired romantic partner for the first time or to extremes as actual disorders. And it definitely cannot be explored in a 3 to 5 minute read in its actual depth and where it came from.
Indeed. where does anxiety come from? With that notion, one then can conceive that it comes from somewhere, i.e. it is not the root cause, but rather showing us that we are anxious of something, the same may be said on grief, it is a byproduct of something deeper. In reality you are not an anxious person but a manifestation of some story that made you anxious in various degrees.
If one had to delve further into Martin Buber’s work for the most part it is challenging to be in the I-thou state at all times. Once one starts to entertain his ideas we still engage in a I-it relations for the most and a large chunk of our lives; we pursue that romantic journey because something in us pulls us towards the other partner, and the reason for that is that there is an aim – one can imagine that it is love.
He suggests, like Thomas Merton in his book New Seeds of Contemplation, that we as humans can reach some form of divine nature, though another human alone and not through isolation and fantasies of something that is beyond our reach. Personally this is an interesting assumption, if I look at something that I cannot reach, then inevitably one of the symptoms may be anxiety. According to his work the purest connection is without the ‘intention’, the collapsing of the ego per se.
Fair enough, their philosophy does sounds intriguing, however can we do this today, well not for me at least, this has not been my experience. Can it be more in our life, yes it can, however through practice. Is it challenging?
Yes, definitely, if you are anything like me, I get in the way all the time. ‘I’ here meaning my intentions and desires that I believe would suite me for the most part with good intention. To get in the way is natural and is also legitimate to aspire, however it does create anxiety if we are fully focused on ‘I’. In a nutshell the more we practice the I-thou, i.e. get myself out of the way , the more we see the other person or the situation for what it is.
The more we drop the expectations the less the intention and the less intention the more you are relaxed and are just being in the moment. Did I achieve this? Yes, but by a long shot and it is never constant, mere brief moments at a time, more like seconds. Furthermore, its more like, I am living in the I-it relation but less then I was decades ago, and I have not even scratched the surface because its somewhat of a less then before and more then before in the I-thou.
Then we have the paradox of change. We do not wish to be anxious or for that matter anything in life that we believe we don’t like about ourselves. Simply put, Beisser suggests to fully accept who you are in any given moment. I always wanted and still want to have change, achieve more, do more, aspire to more in different aspects of my life. This is also natural and legitimate for a human being.
However this also breeds anxiety in our lives from time to time. What is being suggested here in this theory is to fully accept who you are or what is happening in your life. Certainly, that is a bit of a tough pill to swallow, especially if you ever had your life fall to pieces. Remember, the key word is to truly ‘accept’, by no means am I entertaining the idea of giving up, neither is the author of the theory.
Furthermore, ‘acceptance’ of one part of your self and/or situation is not an easy feat. At times it requires great courage and guidance. I have been blessed to meet some interesting people in my life that instilled that in my very hard headed brain and what I found was that the more I accepted certain aspects of myself or situations, they indeed did collapse. Was this achieved from one day to the next, in my experience definitely not and I do not believe it will ever stop, aspects or situations that we wish to change, transform or adapt. This being said, the more I accept, the less anxious I was towards certain things or situations.
Scientifically this is all because of our mirror neurones.
Another subject for another day, but in short, the more we start to practice acceptance and get ourselves out of the way, the more our nervous system relaxes. The more our nervous system habitually mirrors our way of relating to ourselves and the world or situation at hand. More anxiety may breed more of that in other situations, in contrast then, the more relaxing our state the more we habitually relate to ourselves and situations in our life with less anxiety.
Please note that the above is not an exhaustive explanation or contemplation on the subject at hand, i.e., anxiety, 'ego’, ‘acceptance’, ‘mirror neurons’ and many other notions mentioned above but merely a grain of sand towards the subject. In fact, one can read volumes on the ‘paradoxical theory of change’ alone.
The Edge group will return to these subject and others concurrently with articles and workshops that will delve deeper into their full understanding and most importantly how to actually put it into practice with simple but well defined techniques from different teachers around the globe. For the moment, the two theories may suffice as an opening of sorts to their meaning and reason.
To conclude, you may look at it like a dance between the two, getting yourself, the ‘I’ more out of the way then not and accepting more, may lead to less stress which may give opportunity to less anxiety or none for that matter. This also applies to traumatic experiences, which we all have gone through. This can take time, in my experience, it has and it is still there, but less because I was blessed to have met great individuals that gave me seeds to inject into my daily life, whenever I can remember.
Those same individuals that you, the reader, will have the opportunity to meet through the Edge workshops that are coming soon. That is up to your degree of curiosity, should you wish to find out if these ideas rekindle your spirit, whist still living your life, but this time, from time to time with brief contemplation that may bear fruit to less anxiety and maybe none.
The Edge Team
Self Development Group