Zen-Psy

No one calls you "honey" when
you are sitting on the throne 😜

It exists if it looks
good enough to exist.

WHY WAS EVERYONE AFRAID OF THE IRON BANK?

Army, religion, finance and people are 4 pillars on which any power is based in any society, no matter how you call it – slavery or democracy. And if just do and not think, everything seems to work harmoniously. Just vote, pay taxes, serve and pray (paying the church too).

But there are some thinkers. Modern films and even children's cartoons help a lot with it - I don’t even know where censorship is looking. There, the mayor is always a bastard and a bribe taker, the president always thinks only about his elections, the military consumes budgets with fireworks, the church is fooling and getting parishioners, bankers make fun of them all, and people fight people, producing power for the abovementioned guys.

How does this turn out? Remember “Game of Thrones”? All the houses, which divided people into different kingdoms to conquer, constantly ran to the Iron Bank to ask for military loans. And the iron bankers treated those kings and queens like beggars.

Question: how so? What real physical strength was behind this bank that no one even tried to just take it with an army and just loot everything? This topic is not disclosed in the series, and nobody asked such a question, because this is too normal and familiar in real life. IMF is this bank, for example.

How is it that not all power is seized by the military, if they just have everything they need for this? Why do they tolerate politicians, bankers and priests? Why not just screw all of them, turn them into slaves, and use them to the fullest, quenching these new rowers on their galleys?

And why are bankers officially obeying politicians, and unofficially - is the opposite? All these 4 forces do not even agree within themselves, so what can be expected from between them. This is an eternal war, confrontation and mutual balance, where the hand washes the hand and holds the other by the balls and throat.

The general denominator here is people. The most stubborn and persistent, who cannot live in peace, climb up, playing the king of the hill, simply because they do not know what else to do. This is their highest meaning.

They can agree among themselves according to completely different signs of homogeneity. Namely: capital, protection, dubious relatives trust, compromise, and the need to cooperate with temporary mutual dependence.

So it was yet under the first tribal shamans and chiefs, so it is now and so it will always be until the AI becomes “The god from the machine” and intercepts the evolution from us. And there is absolutely no difference in what currency and uniform, who believes in what, and what slogans are spewed out on the air. So you can relax about it and live your own life.

Author - psychologist Andrey Yagodzinsky

DON’T YOU DARE LOVE THYSELF!

Did you notice that self-love is historically addressed negatively in classical cultures? A positive attitude is always towards self-sacrifice, altruism and heroism.

In nature, the small serves the big, and the big consists of small parts that have no idea about it. You are made of cells, and you do not care about their apoptosis: the birth, life and death of any of your cells does not concern you. Likewise, the cell does not know which part of the body it belongs to, what kind of body it is, and in general, what all this is for.

In natural communities, there is an automatic balance between the interests of the individual and society, where society always wins. And this quantitative approach works, as you can see, including humans. While people suffer, humanity blooms - it has already multiplied over 8 billion heads.

We all think first about ourselves but easily change priority for something bigger, like children and family. And even them we can sacrifice for the sake of something greater - a football club, school, district, enterprise, homeland. It depends on the personal settings.

The trouble is that all this has nothing to do with personal happiness. Theoretically, human society can move from a quantitative system to a qualitative one. If everyone takes care of themselves and helps at least one more person in this matter, everyone will be happy. Of course, practically nothing like this can happen yet, but the idea is planted.

Yet for now, all the calls to put a mask on yourself first, and then on the child, are beaten by ancient instincts and cultural codes written in our DNA.

Some people want to do this, but cannot: the images of their suffering ancestors and religious icons with the martyrs do not allow them to do so. They feel ashamed and guilty: you can’t do this, it’s a betrayal and shame - what will people think?

But this is not enough, friends. We don't belong to ourselves at all.

Our money does not belong to us, as these unsupported temporary papers and digits are issued by the official bullies (governments) out of thin air and loaned to people for %. Moreover, money is called currencies, they are not solid, they are all different, they have all sorts of volatile rates, and they are constantly subject to taxes and interest rates. You cannot just send your money to whoever you want over the Globe. Different payment systems, borders, conditions, rules, taxes, commissions and so on.

Our passports do not actually pass us through all those closed ports and do not belong to us either. It is written on them: “property of the state.” And it’s impossible to live without a passport. You will have to have at least one to exist and move around. Along with currencies and taxes.

Our real estate does not belong to us. If something happens, everything can be taken away, re-registered, or nationalized very quickly. Even when you give it away for free to your family members, you have to pay taxes. A car - even more so. You will give it away to the military at the first whistle if war is officially declared.

And what about our life and time? It’s the same: serve, kill, die. What kind of self-love is that, my friends? So, this is not only complicated, unusual and shameful, but also, it seems, illegal. This is the paradigm we have today. No more and no less.

This is precisely the difficulty; this is precisely why it is impossible to love yourself and be socially acceptable at the same time. You have to choose, and then meander and lie.

So, if you want to love yourself, you can’t fake it and lie to yourself, you have to love. While showing off what the market conditions require. If you do it the other way around, then you lie to yourself that you are trying to love, but it doesn’t work out.

The most cunning among us do this: they put out self-sacrificing service to society and wait for the moment when no one is looking. Then quickly grab all the goodies and sit still. And as soon as people watch again, there’s another performance.

In general, everyone does this, but the cunning ones have an agreement with their internal critic (conscience), while the rest of us do not. So, that’s the only hack available for now.

Author - Andrey Yagodzinsky, the therapist.

WHY ENTERTAIN AND SCARE THE FEMALE?

“The biological union between a man and a woman is a rendezvous where nature meets and recognizes itself.”
Victor Pelevin

There is a joke that is only partly a joke:
“Most girls are looking for a guy who will make them laugh and at the same time be able to protect them. In other words, they want a ninja clown.”

These and other similar demands of women on men have very clear biological grounds. Men need relationships for pleasure and joy here and now, while women have a serious strategic vision of the future. In which she is loved, healthy, successful, has children, a home and the highest possible social status.

That's why the princess builds a tower, climbs up and releases the dragon. The knight who can regularly overcome all this receives a prize. Now it seems that the towers have become low, and the dragons are kind. This is only because knights are lazy. But as soon as he passes level 1, the princess will immediately build level 2 in order to develop and grow.

Thus, through his words and actions, the applicant must constantly indicate his plans for the future, in which the princess occupies a central place. This opens the way for everything else.

The next steps are laughter and protection. Laughing, a woman contracts not only the abdominal muscles, but also the va**na and all the surrounding areas responsible for reproductive function. This is literally a warm-up. A well-laughed woman comes to optimal s*xual tone - relaxation and sensitivity.

It is also significant to protect a woman so that she experiences fear, which in the female case is chemically directly related to s*xuality, and then reassurance in the face of a specific savior-claimant. Therefore, it is customary to take girls to scary rides and horror films, where they scream and then are hugged tightly. After such experiences, the body also relaxes quite well, feeling trust and gratitude.

These mating dances between males and females are determined by biology. And you shouldn’t give them additional personal meaning. This is not about intelligence, but about reproduction.

Including, actually, s*x. Which is the better the less we think. For all this to work out well, you need to allow yourself and each other to be silly, primitive males and females, relax and surrender to your instincts.

Don’t do this when strategically planning for the future, of course. In this case, use the full power of your intellect. Good luck!

Author - Andrey Yagodzinsky, the therapist

THE SUCCESS FORMULA

I have made 4 startups in my life. 2 worked, 2 failed. I was also a part of about a dozen more in different ways and saw about the same rate of success and failure. After some mature thinking, I finally got a clear and sure formula for success from this experience.

It's not easy, not sure, not magic, not 3 simple steps, and it needs all your power and skills. But it's real, like everything I write about. This may make some people angry. Well, my job is to tell the truth about how things work. And you can feel however you want. So, here’s the formula for success:

1. People must need or want something so much that they will pay for it. Real people! Indeed! For sure! And not just what you think or imagine in the shower. Yeah, it’s not just being creative + lucky. Solid proven reality.

2. You know this need or want very well and in detail. It would be good to crave it yourself too, feel it and want to make it. But even then, you need to research, check, ask, learn and study the market, including other solutions. For many, this is very boring and makes them not want to do anything. That's great: don't waste your time, energy and money for nothing.

3. You know what and how to do to meet this need / solve the problem / take away the pain. Definitely in a way that people believe in and don't get bored, but want to try it. Not only the result should be good, but also the process. And this is hard. Everything that is real and works is not easy, cheap, or fast. But what's easy, cheap and fast doesn't work. What do we do with that? I have no idea! You should probably try lying like everyone else on the market.

4. You also know exactly how to show this, get people's attention, and make them think they should come to you. In other words, marketing. Another thing that might stop your spirit from flying high. This is hard work, math, costs, tests, disappointments and making a sales plan. Where, how and who to sell your products and services to, if the market is really an old fair with noise and shouting and sellers who have more money for advertising than you? I DON'T KNOW. The main thing is not to believe anyone who promises to do everything for you. Nobody knows anything. Everyone just tries. Some people sometimes succeed.

5. You have enough willpower to do it all until the end. You don't burn out, don't give up, don't get distracted, don't switch to something else. Maybe this is the main point. People who are successful with money and power are not always smart, clever or strong. But they are very stubborn. I would even say pushy. They don't give up at all, they don't take "no" for an answer. Either you are like that or not. And nothing can change that, this is how you are born.

6. You are interested in it yourself, you like it, and it works out for you. This is often the reason for having enough willpower. Maybe the thing itself is interesting, which is great. But much more important is the money and the result, as well as the process. If you live from weekend to weekend, you can forget about it. Your success is a way of life 24/7. Again, either this is you or not. And it’s unbeatable.

I wrote all this because the modern magic narrative says the opposite:

1. Do what you like
2. Be good at that
3. People will love it

No way! Maybe you'll just get lucky and everything will match, but what are the odds? Almost like in a casino. Investors don't buy this. Give them accurate numbers, some guarantees, MVP, a business model, and at least some small progress. If doing all this carefully and in detail is your thing then go ahead. If not, I warned you!

Author - Andrey Yagodzinsky, the therapist

HOW TO RAISE KIDS

I have worked for a long time with people from 10 to 75 years old, of different s*xes and genders, who live all over the world. They come from all major cultures and religions, and they have a vast array of jobs - from classical office to cool lab or stage work. About three hundred people in the last 5 years only.

I was lucky to work with whole families: not only couples, but also parents and kids, parents and grown-up kids, and most importantly and rarely, with old parents of adult kids. And of course, all these people brought me their problems from their childhood.

This work, plus my own personal experiences as a son, grandson, father and husband, has made me see some basic rules of raising kids that I want to share. Raising kids is a very hard job, without gratitude and guarantees, so here are some tips:

Love
To love = to protect, to be there, to care, to respect, to thank, to trust and to value. It's not easy to do all this if you didn't get it yourself before.

Accept
Accepting a person as they are is hard if they don't meet your expectations. And if you were not accepted by your parents, it’s even harder. This happens a lot.

Pay attention
Giving attention in the right amount and way is an art, especially if it's hard to love and accept. But it's needed. And you can't replace it with gifts. You need to really spend quality time together.

Work with feelings
Talking about feelings may be scary, new and awkward. But if we don't, our feelings just control us, and we don't even know. The adult's job is to see, name, explain and work through the child's feelings. And your own Inner Child's feelings too.

Explain how things really work
To explain how life works and why things happen, you need to learn it yourself first, which may seem boring, unlike magic thinking. But this is the only way to make a person fit in with reality and be successful.

Allow, support, bless
Allow everything that is useful, even if it's risky. And explain why things happen. The younger the kids, the less they know, so you have to explain and repeat simple things.

Forbid
Don't allow anything that is addictive or bad for human health, especially as a reward. Just say so: this is poison or a drug that brings money for the producers, and then they will later make money on medicine for you too. Don't be fooled, it's a trap!

Keep strict discipline
Discipline is actually freedom. And if you easily and happily show by your own example the best way of life for kids, they will just get used to it and always live this way.

Carrot and stick
Become a stick quickly if the carrot doesn't work. But only right away, not when it builds up. The best stick is the absence of a carrot, which is very different from how people usually do: the carrot is the absence of a stick. Change this system for yourself and your kid, then it will be easier and more fun.

And more on strictness and freedom:

Strictness should be soft and polite, like setting your own boundaries. Imagine a fluffy carpet on the wall. It's soft, you can't get hurt on it, but you can't move it either - there's concrete behind it. This is about your boundaries and boundaries for your kid.

On the one hand, you have to respect their personality and freedom. On the other hand, there's nothing to respect yet, it's just water pressure in a hose that goes everywhere without direction or use if you don't hold it steadily.

And the kid feels that if you don't shape them up with limitations, you don't care or love them. This goes back to the womb where it was tight, dark and warm, which is way safer than being separated in a cold bright and loud environment. That's why we wrap up babies when they cry scared. And then the habit stays.

Clear boundaries with soft padding = love. And then the game goes on: the kid will break these boundaries and the parent will keep them in place. It's very stressful, especially with a teenager, but that's what it's all about. Don't expect any results here, this is just training.

When children have to learn something boring and with bad teachers they ask why??? The answer that works best is: to train your mind so you are smart! It's like sports: being able to do push-ups and pull-ups won't help in life but you have the strength and health.

Not easy right? It's almost impossible to do all this That's why we have what we have. So, let's at least try. And those who haven't had kids yet, please think hard and feel if you really are ready. It’s better to do it right from the start than to have to fix it later.

And remember that normal people usually do everything the other way around. Impulsively, by the feelings and old traditions. This is classic army bullying: first, your parents bully you, then you bully your kids. And you are always in debt and guilty.

First, obey your parents,
then serve your kids,
then serve your old parents,
then fight with your grown-up kids and mess with your grandkids,
and in the end, go crazy and make trouble for your kids over 50 so they can serve you for what you suffered before.

Not a great picture, right?

Author - Andy The Shrink

PSYCHOSOMATICS OF CANCER IN NUMBERS

If you don't know that your nerves go through your whole body and organs like your blood and lymph, then just look at the picture. All is one, everything is connected and works as one living thing.

Your feelings create your thoughts, and your thoughts make your feelings. What's so hard about that, friends? Maybe you just don't want to look under your own hood, where instead of a bright soul there is wiring. Well, then here are some numbers for you.

The most important and big research that we use in therapy is the study of how Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) and long-term diseases are related. In particular, this is what we found out about CANCER.

ACE causes long-term stress, followed by swelling and changes in genes that can mess up the immune system, hormones and DNA. It also rules the way you act, which may be how you deal with ACE or its effects.

The study was based on data from 18 studies in 10 countries: Australia, Belgium, Canada, China, Finland, France, Japan, Norway, Sweden and the United States. It included more than 136,000 people who were asked about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) and cancer diagnosis.

The study also split cancer into different kinds: lung, breast, prostate, colon and cervical cancer. Short results:

• The more cases of ACE you have, the more likely you are to get cancer: people who had 1 case have an 11% higher chance of getting cancer than those who had no ACE;
2 cases - 21% higher chance;
3+ cases - 36% higher chance.

• Physical abuse - 28% higher chance of lung cancer.

• Sexual abuse > 51% of prostate cancer.

• Losing a parent as a kid > 41% colon.

• Emotional abuse > 31% breast.

• Living with alcoholics/drug users > 22% cervix.

• Parents split up > 16% thyroid.

• Neglect > 18% chance of getting skin cancer.

• Losing a loved one > 19% bladder.

• Living with someone who went to jail > 25% liver.

And this is only cancer, while there are many more possible diseases. And the root of problems is always in childhood. And so you don't think this doesn't affect you, I'll tell you that ⅔ of the world's population had these problems as kids.

It's clear that it's easier to suffer all your life, be sick, and work on pharma, dreaming about a "normal" childhood and a reward in heaven. But psychology is not easy because our instincts are not our friends. They always work for the now, and never for the future, strategically.

So just take a calculator and see what is better for you in terms of time and money:

• to go with the flow until you die, passing on the pain to the next generations, never knowing happiness, treating the untreatable with faith and hope

OR

• open your skeleton closet right through the fear, heal your nerves in a couple of years and then live free, making it better and better for yourself and those around you.

If you now feel fear, hurt, anger, or something like that, then the process has already started. Write to me about your feelings and symptoms - we'll figure it out together.

Author - Andy The Shrink

YOU PAY FOR WHAT YOU GET!

To whom? When? With what?

If you are the happy owner of this crappy belief, then these are the questions you should attack it with. After all, we are talking about magical children's thinking, in which there's always a parental figure present. Like, someone is watching you.

Because people care more about "who is guilty?" than "what to do?", we learn as kids to feel and think that our suffering is worth something. For example, if I eat these candies, I'll get punished, and that's a fair deal.

As a kid, for example, I didn't understand why I needed the tickets for public transport - it's a hassle: first wait in line, then buy them, and then punch holes in them. Why not just punch the money? I didn't get that they needed money. I thought they just wanted to take it from me so that I wouldn't have it.

It's the same with power, both secular and religious. They always promise a good future (stability and heaven, correspondingly) as a reward for suffering now. And people think that suffering itself is worth something.

In scenario analysis, this is called "collecting brown coupons", which you then try to cash out and get goodies. Like, I'm disabled so give me a bigger pension. But see how hard it is to get this money in reality, because it doesn't work this way.

It's not a coincidence that the diagnosis of "war neurosis" is quietly banned by the state in all countries. Because first, they will have to pay, and second, it will show that war is totally evil and can be avoided. As one general said when he became a governor: "Any war ends with peace negotiation, so why make a pile of dead bodies?"

The same thing happens with religious violence (yes, power is always violence). On purpose or not, believers hope for something like this: "Here you go, Saint Peter, this is the bag of my pain, so let me go straight to heaven. Front row in the middle, please!"

But guys, Santa Claus is not real. And even if he was real, why would he care about our pain? This is never a currency. Low-energy sadness, pushing against life and not looking for easy ways.

It's kind of a failure in the end. A side effect of doing what others want (work, war, taxes, church fees, votes, and so on).

Life is a field of opportunities and choices. The field requires respect, effort, attention and humbleness. Never just a sacrifice for the sake of feeling pain.

Payment is always an exchange. And only useful things are always valued. If you pay people, they need money, a nice attitude and help. If your payment goes to nature, it needs care, cleanliness and life.

Do you believe in something like that? Then give it the brightest feelings: love, gratitude, honesty, wholeness, the light of your soul. Not pain, not suffering.

It feels really good to give away all these amazing things. Even the money, if you get something really good and useful for it. If the price matches the value for you.

Think about it, feel how it is for you. And change your view so that there is no fear or pain in the plan. You will like it, I promise )

Author - Andy The Shrink

3 HONEST WAYS TO BE LIKE BY PEOPLE

3 honest ways to be liked by people. Sign up for personal sessions +855974286754

THE REASON YOU ATTRACT TOXIC PEOPLE

The reason you attract toxic people. Contact me for private therapy +855974286754

THE BEAUTIES AND THE BEASTS

The idea is simple: to get the prince/beauty, you have to love the beast/frog first. Both of these stories are about the same thing.

The point is about masks, which we wear when we are scared as kids. A mask for mom, a mask for dad, for grandma and for grandpa, for the teacher, for other kids and so on. There are many masks, they are different, and people call each other "two-faced" for wearing them, without seeing that they have to do it to survive.

These masks are not always separate, so we can show different faces to different people. They are stuck on top of each other, in layers, changing places, mixing, tangling and growing into the real face. They become us, or rather, we become them.

And so, in this mess, hurt, envy, fear, distrust and trying to make up for it all, two people find each other. Maybe they like one of the masks, or maybe they see something real between the masks, something bright, kind, warm and very fragile.

If people fall in love with the real thing, not the masks, they can save each other. Not break up, use and force each other, but heal each other. How? With love, of course. What is love? It is like friendship, but with one more thing:

• Sexual passion

• Respect

• Gratitude

• Trust

• Desire to protect (tenderness)

In this case, it is like magnets: people show each other their best and real side. This is not only with lovers: anyone gives another person something in talking and gets something back.

For example, a man who is confident, strong and kind always makes people want to show him their best side. And it will not be a mask, but the real thing. How does he do it?

He ignores the masks and looks right into the real thing, through all the layers. And the real thing responds, because it has to. Well, except for the most hurt ones. Then they just run away from him as fast as they can. Sadly.

There are not many people like this, you have to be very good at life and be happy with yourself. But lovers don't have to be like this. They are so in love that it happens by itself!

So friends, if you feel that you and your love have a good connection in your core, don't be afraid of the other masks and fears. Take yourself and each other with all this stuff, and then it will go away. Not only for you two, but for everyone else.

If you only like one or two masks, but not the rest, and you can't see the real thing at all, then be honest about it. Have fun while it lasts, and then say goodbye before it hurts too much.

Author - Andy The Shrink