14/04/2024
A mother’s grief and the lessons from her daughter
Since losing my darling girl in the physical form, my life is now full of tear-soaked tissues and an unending ache as I navigate this new chapter. It is all consuming. As a cancer survivor myself, I struggle with survivor’s guilt. I never thought I would lose my young daughter to cancer. I always thought it would be me. It should have been me. As devastating as this loss is, I am desperately grasping for the bits of good and to recognize life’s blessings.
Briseis is the best daughter. The best of humans. She is who I strive to be… kind, compassionate, creative, joyful, generous, non-judgmental… I never heard her say a negative thing about anyone. She always rooted for the underdog, the less fortunate, the voiceless. She loved animals and nature and did anything she could to prevent suffering, which is why she was a passionate vegan and why we dreamed of having an animal sanctuary one day. A memory I’ll never forget is when we were in Bali, she had a flower bath treatment at a spa and instead of enjoying her soak she was saving the little insects in the flowers from drowning. She and I also had the tough conversation about her end of life wishes and without hesitation she said “I definitely want to be cremated as it’s best for the environment.” These are perfect examples of who Briseis is, and she is my teacher.
Her passing has reminded me not worry about the small things, take nothing for granted, to stay present, cherish each moment, hold loved ones close, live life to the fullest and do good in the world. These are the only things that truly matter.
Briseis lived a very full 23 years. She was always up for an adventure, learning something new and bringing joy to those around her. She was an artist, clothing designer, jewelry maker, singer, dancer, academic scholar and world traveler. She left behind many beautiful creations and more stamps in her passport than most people twice her age, but she was so very humble about all of it.
I spent virtually every moment with her for several months before her passing. I saw what she endured and I witnessed strength, maturity and grace like I’ve never seen before. Even while she was suffering and fighting for her life, she was more worried about my wellbeing than her own.
We had many deep conversations in the final days and she knew that she is so much more than the physical body that failed her. She knew how much she was loved and will always be loved. And she knew that she will always be with me and that we will see each other again.
The spirit lives on in the actions we do and the impact we leave behind. I am committed to fulfilling her legacy. To save animals, to share her art with the world and to keep her spirit alive. This is my purpose. My mission. And as difficult as it is for a grieving mother to go on, it is a privilege to show up every day for my precious, amazing son, Rhodes, and to be the mother he deserves. He is my gift and together we will continue to honor my cherished daughter and his beloved sister.
Briseis, our relationship is different now, but I still see you, feel you and love you. Always, forever.
