Disa Dalberg

The easy-going woman is relaxed because she’s secure.
She doesn’t need the room to go a certain way. She’s not holding herself together.

The conflict-avoidant woman looks easy-going. But she’s working hard. Scanning. Adjusting. Appeasing. Pre-empting.
The ease is performed. The flexibility is fear-based.

One is freedom. The other is a very convincing cage.

You don’t become easy-going by avoiding hard things. You become easy-going when you no longer need to.

Recognise yourself here?

highachievingwomen peoplepleasingrecovery womencoach

The exhaustion comes from thinking too much.
But the thinking comes from watching constantly.

Every face for signs of disappointment.
Every silence for what it might mean.
Every reaction for evidence of whether you are safe.

Because somewhere along the way —
alertness kept you safe.

You may never stop watching completely.
But you can stop being trapped by it.

That is the work.

What do you notice when you read this?

Tell me below.
Dísa

disadalberg

You are not too sensitive.
You are not too emotional.
You are not too much.
You have just spent years around people
who could not handle all of you.
So you made yourself smaller.
And called it being easy to be around.
Swipe through. See how many of these you recognise.
— Dísa

peoplepleasingrecovery disadalberg

Choosing yourself will cost you. Performing a role you never chose. But never one thing. Your dignity.

One day I received an unexpected visit late at night. From a woman. A woman I have known for years. A woman who welcomed me with open arms, brewed tea for me, and gave me a warm hug. When I knocked on her door, on the verge of tears, after a breakup.

A woman who listened to me and comforted me when I didn’t get the job.

A woman who jumped for joy and celebrated with me when I had a victory.

A woman who now came to me because she wasn’t feeling well.

A woman I could finally receive with open arms in my home. Light a candle for her, surround her with pillows, listen to her, give her a warm hug when the tears came. Cover her with a blanket, offer her to rest on my sofa overnight, because she didn’t want to be alone.

MY GRATITUDE TODAY IS DIRECTED TOWARD WOMEN. Precious women. Radiant women. Brave women. Supportive women. True and strong women. ALL WOMEN.

I WANT TO THANK: THE WOMAN who breaks down the walls of societal pressure to be perfect in every area by coming to the door exactly as she is. Always.

THE WOMAN who looks at you with a compassionate gaze when your child has been screaming loudly for minutes in the checkout line at the grocery store, after work, and offers to let you go ahead of her.

THE WOMAN who tells the man who keeps bothering you at the bar to simply get lost; who stands between you and him, and doesn’t move until he leaves.

THE WOMAN who goes to the beach with you in swimsuits, both with stretch marks on your stomachs after giving birth.

THE WOMAN who tells you she has no interest in s*x when she’s exhausted, simply goes to sleep, when you’re worried that it’s “just you.”

THE WOMAN who asks you to step aside for a moment, away from others, at the party, when the guests have repeatedly asked you when you’re going to find a man and have children, because you’re single and childless, in your forties.

THE WOMAN who argues that she knows the most qualified person for the job— you— when her managers are looking for a key employee, without you having any idea.

THE WOMAN who offers to watch your children for an hour when you haven’t had a moment to breathe for days, a short time for her, and an eternity for you.

THE WOMAN who shows up unexpectedly in her running clothes and runs the first steps with you, knowing you’ve been paying for a gym membership for a whole year.

THE WOMAN who always buys soy milk for you, even though she doesn’t drink it herself, offers you a soy latte every time you stop by.

THE WOMAN who appears unexpectedly at your door, with a box of chocolates and coffee, smiling, after witnessing a customer treat you badly.

THE WOMAN who knows you can go further, believes in you, says with a firm voice, “You can do this!” Calls after you, “Keep going!” From the sidelines, all the way until you reach the finish line.

THE WOMAN who held your hand in the doctor’s office when you received the diagnosis.

THE WOMAN who defends your decision in front of your coworkers who point fingers at you when things go wrong— coworkers she knows wouldn’t have the courage to take decisive action themselves or step up when it matters.

THE WOMAN who comes bearing gifts—a full bag of throat lozenges, honey, and garlic— when you’re home with the flu, alone.

THE WOMAN who brought you into this world, encouraged you to get up again and again when you took your first steps, no matter how many times you fell on your butt.

THE WOMAN who shows up to the party, with your favorite bread, sourdough she lovingly prepared for days, for you.

THE WOMAN who says to you, “You were brave when you took the chance, for trying, even though you failed.”

THE WOMAN who makes you feel like you will never be alone, even if you leave him, or he leaves you.

THE WOMAN who tells you, “Damn, you’re s*xy,” when nothing you try on seems to fit right.

THE WOMAN who held your hair back while you were vomiting.

THE WOMAN who says, “You’re doing great.”

THE WOMAN who mirrors the beauty in you when you lose sight of it yourself.

THE WOMAN who tells the truth about herself.

THE WOMAN who makes it clear that you do not deserve to be treated that way.

THE WOMAN who lets you know that you are too good for him.

THE WOMAN who speaks kindly of you.

THE WOMAN who says no without apologizing.

THE WOMAN you can always laugh until you’re breathless with.

THE WOMAN who says, “Congratulations.”

THE WOMAN who listens.

THE WOMAN who cries with you.

THE WOMAN who gives you a warm hug.

THE WOMAN who loves you exactly as you are.

I WANT TO THANK:

The unknown woman you meet along the way who reaches out a helping hand.

The woman you can always turn to, even if you’ve lost touch.

Kind-hearted acquaintances.

Distant cousins who see you as one of their own because of your shared lineage, even six generations apart.

Close female friends who make sure you keep your sanity.

Wonderful aunts.

Your sister who knows you best.

Your foremothers who worked themselves to the bone so that you could have more opportunities than they ever had.

Grandmothers who love you as their own daughter.

And last but not least: Your mother, whom you know loves you endlessly.

If you ever feel that you are alone in this world, you can be sure that out there there is always a woman who will help you and take the time to be there for you.

Thank you, women! I don’t know where I would be without you.

Tag a woman who lifts you up — let her know she’s seen and appreciated

The moment high-performing women realize it was never about time management ⏰