Integrative Systemic Coaching Community

Do you ever wonder, how groups of people (including families, or even individuals) can cloud the minds of otherwise reasonable adults and make them irrationally submissive? It doesn't only happen in cults, but also in workplace, schools, intimate relationships ... This is one of the ways.

Humiliation Rituals - Integrative Systemic Coaching Humiliation rituals are a common strategy in groups with strict hierarchy. The goal is to break one's own will and replace it by group identity.

Do you know someone who (seemingly) shows a great deal of empathy toward people—and the world in general—outside the family, but within the family has no sense of boundaries: expects control and compliance, and reacts like a victim when they don’t get it or when even the slightest criticism is directed at them?
Today on the menu: the vulnerable narcissist.

https://iscmentoring.eu/km/abuse/vulnerable-narcissism/

Vulnerable Narcissism: The Tyranny of the Victim - Integrative Systemic Coaching Narcissists are considered insensitive, but what if somebody uses emotional hurt as a weapon? Learn about vulnerable narcissism.

I had a radio interview recently, in which I was asked a lot of questions about narcissism, so I decided it's time to write some articles about it. Here is the first of them:

https://iscmentoring.eu/km/abuse/narcissism-or-selfishness/

Narcissism or Selfishness? - Integrative Systemic Coaching People like diagnoses, but sometimes it’s not so clear: is a certain behavior narcissism or selfishness? The truth is rarely a simple yes or no.

(Almost) every parent experiences criticism and blame from their adult children for mistakes made in upbringing. This is completely normal. Even caring parents cannot always know exactly what a child needs or make the right decisions. Yet when a child wants to express their frustrations and anger, parents generally refuse to hear it. “We did the best we could” may be the most conciliatory defense, but more often the response is much more aggressive.

We are often raised to believe that admitting a mistake means exposing ourselves to even more blame and belittlement, so it's common to do everything we can to avoid admitting it. Yet children usually only need their emotions to be acknowledged, so that they can then let them go more easily. Forgiveness is preceded by listening and understanding. Failing to acknowledge a child’s perspective and emotions only creates more distance and mistrust in the relationship.

Acknowledging that a child may have felt difficult emotions during certain periods does not mean you were a bad parent. It does not mean you deserve rejection. But you will experience more rejection if you refuse to accept your child’s emotions than if you manage to listen to them calmly. In this article, you can learn how to cope with such challenging situations:

https://iscmentoring.eu/km/communication/use-validation-while-being-criticized/

How to Use Validation While Being Criticized: An Essential Communication Skill - Integrative Systemic Coaching It is an universal human need for our emotions to be understood, accepted and empathized with – that’s called validation. The old saying “pain shared is half

Are you a people pleaser? This article is for you.

https://iscmentoring.eu/km/self-esteem/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser/?et_fb=1&PageSpeed=off

How To Stop Being a People Pleaser - Integrative Systemic Coaching Learning to stop being a people pleaser brings more balance and emotional health—but it does not mean becoming selfish.

One sociological article today:

What Are Tribal Instincts? - Integrative Systemic Coaching Tribal instincts are a huge part of world politics and history. Yet even psychologists mostly ignore them. Let’s explore them in this article!

This is soooooo interesting ❣️

Over the years, I’ve used various strategies to fall asleep fast, and fairly recently I discovered one that works especially well — so I’m sharing them all in this article.

https://iscmentoring.eu/km/new-articles/beat-insomnia-5-ways-to-fall-asleep-fast/

Beat Insomnia: 5+ Ways to Fall Asleep Fast - Integrative Systemic Coaching Over the years, I’ve used various strategies to fall asleep fast, and fairly recently I discovered one that works especially well — so I’m sharing it here.

Dating is rough these days. Well, maybe it always was. Sometimes I serve as a dating coach, too. This morning I had a client who was confused about a love interest's behavior. He didn't call for a while, and she was worried that he might be repulsed by her checking with him if something she said was uncomfortable for him. I told her that checking possible misunderstandings counts as quality communication, and that no good relationship ends due to such minor things. If a guy would push her away at a drop of a hat like this, it would only get worse in the future. I made her laugh by quoting an anonymous internet artist who said: "Relationship and p**p have something in common: if they are healthy, they don't need to be forced."

If any of the are confused and worried about their early relationship, you might want to keep this in mind 🙂

Cosmetic Botox and Its Connection to Dementia, Relationships, and Child Development

Cosmetic Botox has been very popular in wealthier countries for a few decades now. It's used even by relatively young women, and it's also recommended for chronic migraines and certain other health issues. The name "Botox" comes from the bacterium Clostridium botulinum, which under certain conditions (e.g., improperly preserved food) produces botulin—a highly potent neurotoxin that can kill a person within 24 hours, even in small amounts. It's no wonder that using such a toxin carries risks.

The video in the link discusses new research showing that Botox can cross the blood-brain barrier and cause long-term neuronal damage, potentially leading to chronic pain, dementia, and other issues.

The comments are also interesting to read. One mentions that babies and young children of mothers who use Botox have shown delayed development, likely connected to the lack of nonverbal communication from the mother (since Botox restricts facial expression). Others mention problems in relationships and communication.

Another comment notes that retinoids (another very popular cosmetic ingredient) can also reach the brain and cause harm (I looked into this, and while such reports are rare for now, they do exist—and it's possible some effects have yet to be recognized).

It's still better to love yourself!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXS-iytwmt4&t=865s

EP. 219 | Your Brain on Botox: New Study Reveals Shocking Effects | Quick + Dirty Subscribe: https://youtube.com/ one shook me. A brand new 2024 study in Advanced Science shows that botulinum toxin, the active ingredient in Boto...

Feeling stuck in routines or like you're not fully living your own life? This article dives into the subtle ways childhood conditioning can limit your freedom—and gives you practical, compassionate steps to reconnect with your authentic self.

7 Steps To Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone - Integrative Systemic Coaching Do you feel trapped in routine and childhood conditioning? Here are some tips to help you get out of your comfort zone.