Compassion Culture HK

🌪 If your kids struggle to focus, this is for you.

A lot of times, kids are unable to focus because of racing thoughts in their heads and unprocessed emotions in their body.

For years I used frequencies at work and before bed to calm my own racing thoughts. Recently I discovered the immediate and noticeable effects of harnessing sound frequencies and gentle music to calm and focus kids who normally fidget and can't sit still.

✅ Results?
- stopped getting up constantly for snacks, drinks
- sat down for longer periods of time
- opened up about their feelings quicker
- could talk through difficult situations without getting defeated: i.e. being bullied
- 'my ears are calm'

🎵 How can you implement this at home?
1️⃣ When kids are studying, doing homework, or you need to have a serious conversation with them, use 40hz: boost focus, improve memory, sit still or maintain conversation for longer
2️⃣ To help kids unwind before bed and calm the zoomies, use 432hz for relaxation
3️⃣ To help calm tantrums or meltdowns, you can also play gentle instrumental or vocal music in calm corners, if you have this set up.

Try this at home with your kids and tell me what results you see!

Comment RELAX to book a free 15 min parent coaching session with me ✨

Most kids don't actually need therapy, even though the first instinct is to find an expert to 'sort out' a child's problems.

From working with kids and teens, many of whom have been taken to therapy prior to our sessions, I find that while direct support to children and teens solves many immediate behavioural issues, however the biggest driver of change are when the parents work on themselves. This is not talked about enough.

For example, I can coach kids to check in with their emotions daily and use a set of coping strategies to calm down, but if that evening parents tell this kid there's nothing to be upset about and to hurry up with homework or else, we still have an emotionally dysregulated child who does not get to take care of their nervous system.

On the other hand, if the parents work on changing the communication styles that previously contributed to the dysregulation, and to mirror the same empathy I teach the child, the results are quick and transformative. Because no 'expert' is going to replace parents.

Like chinese medicine, I take EQ as a preventative approach to take care of missed needs so things don't escalate to a point where therapy is needed.

What is one thing you could change for your child this week?

Comment CHANGE to book a free 15 min parent coaching session with me ✅️

Over 15 years, I've worked with many families with young kids which helped me isolate the SINGLE most important thing parents do to raise secure, nurtured kids.

The biggest indicator of parenting success is NOT giving the most money or time.
And NOT even how well the kids behave - kids obey out of fear.

Many parents love their kids, give them whatever they want, but change expectations of the kids from one day to another. They set rules one day, give in the next day, then a day later criticise the kids for lack of discipline. When kids lack structure, they don't know how to behave. Parents stay frustrated.

Other parents have different parenting styles between mom and dad, creating confusion and tension.

So who are most successful at raising secure, nurtured kids?

They prioritise CONSISTENCY.

🏆 Parents who consistently regulate their own emotions, who have regular self care routines and are able to calm themselves in frustrating moments.
-> Kids learn that big emotions can be dealt with without hurting relationships.

🏆Parents who consistently show warmth. No hot or cold treatment of the kids depending on their mood.
-> Kids learn that relationships are safe, predictable and develop secure attachment, without need to constantly monitor other's moods for emotional safety.

🏆Parents who maintain clear routines and consistent expectations for kids - through written rules, following through with consequences immediately without giving in. -> Kids gain confidence in their abilities through repeated daily routines, see positive consequences of following through and have less room for power struggles.

Consistency gives children the predictability, emotional security and trust to follow through with rules and build a sense of responsibility. Kids want to please their parents, so they do what is asked of them as long as they feel safe and secure.

I offer 1:1 parent coaching to help you improve kids behaviour, giving you tools to communicate frustrations without blowing up, and to restore your relationship with your kids. Parents see shifts in kids' moods and behaviour within 3 months.

Comment CONSISTENCY to book a free 15 min coaching session with me ✅️

As an EQ coach, I noticed 5 things parents do that not only impact kids behaviour but more importantly impact their relationship long term.

To teach positive behaviour, role modelling is more powerful than just telling kids what to do. Kids watch you closely, and are quick to pick up on your habits, good and bad.

Here are 5 things kids notice that matter more than you think.

1️⃣ How you treat others: if you treat people with kindness and repair relationships when you've made a mistake, they'll learn to do the same. if you prioritise your phone over them and don't look up when they speak to you, they learn screens are more important than people. Fast forward few years, they'll prioritise their iPads over you.

2️⃣ How you treat yourself: if you take deep breaths or walk away for 5 mins to calm down in an argument before resuming the conversation, they learn that big emotions can be managed and things don't always have to escalate. If you eat healthy, you exercise, they learn it's our responsibility to take care of our bodies.

3️⃣ Whether you keep promises: if you promised a reward for completing xyz task, then forget to give the reward. They learn that adults can't be trusted. One day, they'll make promises to you that they don't keep.

4️⃣ Whether you keep their drawings: this is one big way kids show love. When you have lots of little crafts from the kids it's easy to secretly spring clean them a few weeks later. But they do remember what they've given you and whether you keep them tells them how much you value their love. One day, this will determine how much they value the little things you do.

5️⃣ Whether you follow your own rules: if you tell them to do one thing, then bend the rules for yourself. They learn that rules don't apply to everyone. And one day, my friend, they will decide they are above the rules. Which is what you don't want.

I offer 1:1 parenting support to help improve kids behaviour, giving you the tools to communicate frustrations without blowing up, and to restore your relationship with your kids. Parents see shifts in kids' moods and behaviour within 3 months.

Comment PARENT to book a free 15 min coaching session with me ✅

You can't buy happiness, but you can buy calm 😌

As your kids start getting red pockets for Chinese New Year, they'll likely want to buy toys. Here are 5 sensory toy ideas that are easy to carry around will help kids chill out in their emotional moments.

1️⃣ Slime
2️⃣ Squishes
3️⃣ Magic Water Colouring Books
4️⃣ Air Clay
5️⃣ Fidget Toys

Save this for your next shopping / Taobao order ✅

In families I work with, I often notice the presence of constant instruction and absence of parents role modelling behaviours they want to see in their children. This is not always easy for parents who grew up in households where positive behaviours weren't role modelled for them.

Parents have a bigger impact on children's social & emotional wellbeing than by their peers at school. What we do speaks louder than what we say. Parents are the first influencers and essentially creates a child's worldview.

There's a tendency for parents to try to appear superhuman, but being superhuman is not about being perfect, unbreakable with no emotions or bad days. It's about the the ability to restore, improve yourself and keep trying, no matter what is going on. 

Here are 3 key areas to role model:

🔵 How You Calm Down: It's important kids understand you DO have emotions and have ways to handle it without hurting others. If you feel upset, say, “I need a moment to calm down, I will go into my room and we can continue our talk in 5 mins. This shows your child how to manage big emotions.

🟡 How You Improve Yourself: I work with a 9-year-old whose mum wants her to exercise, but doesn’t stick to her own exercise goals. Result is kid is not motivated. Studies show children who have parents with a healthy lifestyle are more likely to become physically active and eat well. We need to model what personal growth ourselves before we can ask kids to do the same. 

🟢 How You Handle Mistakes: If you choose to be right over truthful about your own mistakes, don't expect your kids to apologise when they mess up. It’s okay to admit when we’re wrong. You can say, “I made a mistake, and here’s how I’ll do better next time,” This teaches kids that mistakes are oppprtunity for learning and growing.

Remember, you are your kids' first and most important influencer. Model the behaviour you want to see, follow through and you’ll see positive changes.

Comment PARENTING or DM me for a free 15 min parent coaching session ✅️

A simple question that often comes with complex feelings. To all generational cycle breakers out there who are doing the healing and raising kids who feel secure and safe to show emotions, I feel you. You are not alone.

Share with someone who needs to hear this ✅

Are you parenting your kids the way you wish you were parented?

A simple question that often comes with complex feelings. To all generational cycle breakers out there who are doing the healing and raising kids who feel secure and safe to show emotions, I feel you. You are not alone.

Share with someone who needs to hear this ✅

As a kids EQ coach, I see a lot of parents struggle with reversing kids' screentime addiction. Here is part 2 to my 5 tips for creating a healthier relationship with screen.

4️⃣ Sign a Screentime Contract

Screentime is a great opportunity to teach accountability.

Take 30 mins to sit down and discuss a reasonable screentime use per week, using a Screentime contract have your agreement in writing. How many minutes of screentime per day? Is it weekdays or weekends only? Which platforms or shows can they watch on (Netflix, Youtube)? What are the consequences of not honouring the contract? Let kids set this one. Have a timer ready to ensure kids stick to their screentime routine.

5️⃣ Lastly, role model balanced screentime use

Kids follow your example, not your advice. So model the behaviour yourself as a parent. If you want your kids to prioritise family and continue engage in conversations at home even around screens, make sure you put your phone down when your kids has a question or just wants to share a story with you.

Try these tips at home! I work with tantrum management to reduce the frequency tantrum and to help kids communicate frustrations with their parents without blowing up and repair relationships between kids and parents. I offer 1:1 classes in the comfort of your own home, I coach you after every lesson on what to do to follow up.

Comment SCREENTIME and I'll send you my screentime contract ✅

📺 The Secret to Healthy Sceentime for Your Kids 📺

As a Kids EQ coach, I see a lot of parents struggle to strike the right balance with setting screentime rules, often with inconsistent reinforcement of screentime rules, power struggles over getting extra screentime, and kids who are getting so addicted and become increasingly aggressive whenever the privilege is taken away.

Here are my 5 tips for helping your kids create a healthier relationship with screentime.

1️⃣ Understand what screentime actually represents

For many children, screentime symbolises freedom, For older kids, a way to socialise with friends after school (and not be left out) like playing Roblox games together.

Link screentime with togetherness: movie night as family, let kids watch episodes together during playdates. The more they want screentime, they more they are encouraged to take initiative to plan in person quality time.

2️⃣ Replace the 'feel good' around screentime with other activities

Screentime creates instant dopamine hits that require less effort and are easily accessible. Replace solo screentime with more time outdoors and more playdates with friends.

I work with a 9yo girl who was addicted to her iPad after unlimited screentime last summer break. What I did is wean her off by helping her get these dopamine hits elsewhere, whether spending time together, arts and crafts, playing games, taking her outdoors away from screens. We connected to nature where she felt good talking in open space. The moment we were out in nature she was a completely different person, she had notepad out to draw, was making little art arrangements with flowers - what a real childhood feels like!

Hope these tips help your kids! Stay tuned for Part 2 ✅

I work with tantrum management to reduce the frequency tantrum and to help kids communicate frustrations with their parents without blowing up so I can repair relationships between kids and parents. I offer 1:1 classes in the comfort of your own home, I coach you after every lesson on what to do to follow up.

If this resonates with you, send me a DM! 💌