25/08/2026
OUR COUNTRY WITHOUT A NAME IS A BANANA REPUBLIC 🍌🇿🇦
Members of Parliament Meet Up Once Again to Throw Mud at Each Other as Per Their Tradition
CAPE TOWN — South Africa’s Parliament once again delivered a performance that experts have described as a successful continuation of the country’s longest-running political tradition: Members of Parliament meeting in one building to throw verbal mud at each other.
The latest episode unfolded during a heated question-and-answer session, where President Cyril Ramaphosa and DA chief whip George Michalakis exchanged sharp words, with Ramaphosa calling for “wisdom” instead of insults.
Political observers say the appeal for wisdom was immediately met with concern, mainly because Parliament has reportedly been operating without a reliable supply of it for several years.
“We are still investigating where the wisdom went,” said an imaginary parliamentary official. “We checked the benches, the microphones and even the tea room. So far, we have found plenty of insults, accusations and dramatic hand gestures, but wisdom remains missing.”
The parliamentary tradition appears to be remarkably consistent.
One MP asks a question.
Another MP becomes offended.
A third MP shouts something from across the chamber.
The Speaker asks everyone to behave.
Everyone behaves for approximately seven seconds.
Then the cycle begins again.
According to political analysts, the procedure is so well established that it could soon be added to the parliamentary rules.
Rule 47(b): Members shall be permitted to disagree passionately, accuse one another of everything imaginable and occasionally remember that the original question was about something completely different.
The latest clash also demonstrated Parliament’s impressive ability to turn almost any topic into an argument about who has failed the country more.
Water shortages? Argument.
Service delivery? Argument.
Electricity? Argument.
The weather? Give Parliament five minutes.
One fictional MP said the exchanges were actually a sign of healthy democracy.
“We may disagree on everything,” he explained. “But at least we are united in our commitment to shouting at the person sitting across from us.”
Meanwhile, ordinary South Africans watching the proceedings reportedly remained confused about whether they were watching a parliamentary debate, a family argument at Christmas or a particularly aggressive episode of The Jerry Springer Show.
Political scientists say the mud-slinging tradition is unlikely to disappear anytime soon.
“Parliament has many traditions,” said Professor Thabiso Khumalo, who does not exist. “There is Question Time, Points of Order, shouting across the floor and pretending to listen while preparing your next insult. These traditions must be protected.”
As proceedings eventually continued, lawmakers returned to the serious business of running the country — after first spending several minutes explaining why the other side is responsible for everything that is wrong with it.
At least one thing remains certain: South Africa’s MPs may disagree on almost everything, but they remain remarkably united when it comes to throwing mud.
Disclaimer: This is satire. The fictional quotes, exaggerated observations and imaginary experts are intended for humour and should not be mistaken for factual reporting.
