The Kince

*Forever With Your Best Friend*

Its high time we stopped getting married (socially speaking) and got into a forever covenant with our best friend or friend at least. Marriage they say is a hard long road. Let me dispute it and say its an interesting formula free journey where its tends to become complicated instead of complex and difficult instead of just hard if you are not in it with your best friend.
In a social media age where competition , comparison and coveting is the order of the day, people trade good friendship in a relationship for any self gratifying emotional wave they surf and end up tying knots that hang them.

Find a friend, date a friend, marry a friend and you will see perfection beyond flaws and heaven in good efforts.

Happy Marriage in 2021.

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DEAR ADAM!

Broadcasting 5/7/2019

Loving the unloved

For the past few weeks, God has brought both sunshine and I to a realisation of something wonderful and I would like to share with all the baes and boos here. As things turned soar and the love began to evaporate it became really unbearable to take it all in. I couldn't pray to God and I was really in a state of confusion. My favorite pray was in these three words, "Lord change him".
I must confess ladies, that it has took me a lot of time for me to realize that my sunshine was never going to conform to my image. I couldn't make him change in any way. Until I started going to God about what was bothering me, I didn't see any difference all. The change I was looking for came but guess what, it didn't come the way I expected it. Before God works on him, He must first work on me. I need to change, my heart had to be soften, humbled, molded and reconstructed before He even start working on him. I had to learn to see things according to the way God saw them and not how I thought they should be.
I couldn't go to God and expect answers to prayer if I harboured unforgiveness, bitterness, or resentment, then gradually my favourite prayer changed to, "Lord change me"
It dawned on me that the greatest gift I could give my beloved is my own wholeness and the most effective tool in transforming him must begin with my own transformation
It was difficult loving him, but something amazing happens to our heart when we pray for another person. The hardness melts. We become able to get beyond the hurt and forgive. I came to a realization that submission is something that you give from your heart, not something demanded of you...
I love my Sunshine and loved our relationship even when he does things to annoy me... On one of our prayer sessions, this is what I said to God
Lord God Almighty, nothing in me want to pray for this man, I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart towards him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving and forgiving attitude towards him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us need to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so. If there is something I'm not seeing that is adding to the problem, please reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding and miscommunication. Where there is a behaviour that needs a change in either of us, I pray you enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to the anger toward him because I feel it is justified. I want to do what you want. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal the situation.
After the prayers, something miraculous happened of which I'll never forget.
He said silently to me, "Nana, I love you and nothing will ever change that". I believed it in a different kind of way. Every lady deserves some form of assurance and a full commitment from her man. But it doesn't come on a silver platter, you must be willing to let some part of you go.
We are in the month of love❤, and all I can say it *Ahavah*....minds and hearts as one. Surprise bae💑 with some chocolate🍫, teddy 🐻 or some fine dinner🍾🥂🍝 at some Foine restaurant, celebrate your King or Queen this Val's day. But most importantly invest in them with your prayers, it is the most assured way of loving him or her even when they don't deserve it.

Please share with your friends, someone out there needs this.
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Agree To Disagree.

Everyday wont be Sunshine and Rainbows.
Everyday wont be Smiles and Laughter.
Everyday wont be Honey, please where did you put my socks?
Everyday wont be Come Home early coz I'll be waiting for you....

Because Life is full of ups and downs and so is marriage and dating Life.
Taking Life one day at a time essentially helps to keep bad things in the past and the future where it belongs always.

Some days things are not so well, Like a cloudy day that love shines in care, but its excitement doesn't prevail; Where we care for each other but our willingness to sacrifice a personal opinion or intention to do something is not there, disagreement can easily show up. Its likely one may see the other as being selfish even though both of them are at that moment.

Be it as it may, the couple must agree to disagree that none of them is being selfish or greedy for Peace to prevail. It just happens that being Human, there are some day You Are Just Not You
Its not as though you two don't Love or understand each other and you two don't sacrifice for each other always but sometimes the long 24 hours just doesn't go so well.

Disagreeing is when we see a thing from different or opposite perspective but quarreling is when we try to force each other to see what we see or to do what we want.
These days happen to everyone and we must Agree to Disagree to maintain Peace.
Love is all about sacrifices and in most cases, we tend to go down so our partner will be up but there are some days none of you feel like going down or doing what the other wants. If there is a silver lining, take it else both of you should just let the cause factor go.

Example is when a couple drive a car in turns thus week after week. Now it gets to the turn of the woman and the man wants to travel with the car. If both of you feel that your opinion is right and that you deserve to have the car, Agree to disagree and ask yourselves just one question, What would we do if we had no car, then leave the car. This can help to avoid a lot of quarrels.

The main bottom line is no matter what choices and sacrifices we make in our relationship and love Life, it should never cause us to lose the love we have for each other.

NOTE:
No matter how late you are, you are always on time if you have your loved one right by your side in peace.
Heaven is when you have Love next to you.

Enjoy the rest of your week in Love.

Bible Verse:
1 Corinthians 13:1-13

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THE POWER TO OVERCOME
-Keeping The Hand Of God in Your Relationship.

Where two walk together, there is much return for their Labour the Good Book says. Which means it is expected of every relationship to be fruitful and to be more productive. This requires a high level of strength and wisdom which only the Power of God can provide. To have the hand of God in your relationship is the first step in standing out us a couple. Not only will you prosper together, you possess, dominate and become role model for society and other couples.

All true power comes from the Lord, you never go contrary to His law and expect to receive the kind of favour those who abide in him get. Every good relationship is like a pyramid with God at the apex. The more a couple draw close to God, the more they get close to each other. As a couple, several things take the hand of God from the relationship, this include sexual sin, pride, misunderstanding, self centeredness etc.
You need power from God to overcome challenges of life, demonic attacks and difficulty in bonding but this comes with high level of obedience. To follow the requirements of the Lord is difficult but if done, you will have the power to overcome. You must be willing to do today the things others won't do in order to have tomorrow the things others won't have.

The world has agreed to ungodly principles today and if you do not set yourself apart, you wont really see the Glory of God manifest in you as a couple.
The world deserves to be a better place and you have a role to play to make it happen. You are not here by chance and so shouldn't your relationship be. It must be channeled to making the world a better place, influencing and making big changes in little ways. Wherever you are, Whenever you are.
Love is sour but sweet, its difficult but easy, its serious and funny at the same time, its complex yet so easy , Love is what you decide to make it.

The Pillars of a Relationship : Love alone cannot take you there.....

Proverbs 24:3, By Wisdom a house is built, by understanding it is established and by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

Many relationships (marriage, dating, family, academic, occupational, business etc) has fallen in jeopardy because it didn’t have enough pillars to support it. I will rest my concern on marriage and dating relationships which fails mostly because people think love is the only thing required to make it work. Obviously no, but we end being carried away by the euphoric feeling of love and don’t get time to build the other pillars required. First question to ask yourself is why are you or entering into the relationship. If dating, is it for fun and company or it is for marriage and support. If marriage, is it to have a partner you can boast of and have a family with or to help each grow deep and wide in their purpose to dominate their field of impact. This life is no joke so if you have no intentions of doing anything better, you end up doing nothing better. Of course all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy so the purpose should have a window of fun times to allow the ventilating memories of happiness to chip into the relationship.

Know that Love is a choice and not a feeling. To Love someone is a conscious decision you must make. The ‘I love you’ we tell people has now become a sign of expressing what is abounding in our feelings tank and think that’s all. But the I love you is tested when you don’t have the same affection towards your partner and your feelings tank is dry and you have no reason to be with him/her or lets say perhaps what you feel for him/her no longer exist. That time is when you have to show your love in a conscious manner by deciding to still do the things you used to do for your partner; if not all, the key ones and staying in that relationship. “For Better, For Worse”. This is easier said than done that is why you must have some supporting factors that can assist you. These are what I refer to the Pillars of a Relationship:

1.Be committed to each other.
- This simply means let your partner’s matter be your matter. Its straight forward. If they need help, help out. If they are not around, do things you as though they were. Do not cheat because your partner will interpret it as he/she not being enough and that kills self confidence in your partner and of course it affects the trust he/she has for you. And lastly, love what they love and try to be indifferent about what they hate.
2.Understand Each other:
- The Bible says in all your getting, get understanding. How can you understand what you do not know which means you must get to know your partner. Knowing someone is not a one day affair so take time and be observant about the things the take to heart and cherish it as well. Know what tickles them and doesn't. I know how to say sorry in a special way to my sweetheart so anytime it gets hard to say it, I just get her that favorite meal and case closed. Mind you, over time people change so don’t make old knowledge be a forever thing.

3.Admit Each other:
-Admittance is when you give people time to be who they are while changes set in. A person’s Being before you met them is who they were. If you go to the hospital and you are admitted, that means they agree to that condition and are willing to do something about it. Changes is a process but lack of admission will make you want to rip off the negativity, challenges, weakness, shortcomings, ill-attitude etc you see in your partner in a day. So you must Adapt to your partner’s current state, know why they do - what they do - the way they do it. With patience and coping positively influence them to become better and of course to suit your taste. That is why transformation is different from translation.

4.Accept each other:
- Acceptance is you knowing your partner’s purpose, vision, goals, objectives that you wish to help them achieve. Always accept a person for the positive productive and better version of themselves they aspire to be. Acceptance requires commitment to be futile because sometimes your partner may give up and want to quit. You need to be his/her number 1 fan.

5.Get into a business together:
- People are thinking money. Hold your horses and know that a business simply means a solution to a problem. Whether monetized or not, it is still a business once it makes humanity better by solving its problems. So if you are in a business with your partner for the purpose of making money, money will rule the relationship and at the end ruin it. But if it to make other people’s life better, even when love fails, you two know you have a role to play in making other people benefit so you still carry out your roles. Day by day, you two will just happen to be together, doing the thing you both jointly love. Mind you, the business must be something both of you love. So no matter how much love you two don’t have for each other, you two have love for a similar thing and it can keep both of you together through stormy times.

6.Have a common vision:
- This is primary and key to selecting a partner. After checking their attitude, relationship with God, their vision is what to look at. Most couples have different visions such that it is the very reason that might separate them. While it may not, different visions means different direction so once the love fails, both of you don’t travel the same direction in terms of vision and aspirations so therefore, nothing will make you cross paths to have that platform to settle stormy seas before a tsunami comes in to wash away the remains of the relationship.

7.Share and exchange things.
- Of course not underwear but many things are shareable and exchangeable. Most important is whatever can keep both of you apart should be shared and exchanged.
Phones, cars, work, friends, hobbies, family, food, clothes, agenda etc.
Sometimes just exchange without backing up or creating contingency. Just like that; the moment you can trust each other to take care of data, family, friends, work, hobbies, pets, etc you two have a mutual ground and this leads to further understanding of why your partner behaves some way some time. You never know until you try it.

8.Have fun and create memories:
- The hardest things to lose when breaking a relationship is memories. They are that one thing that stirs up all those feelings over and over. If you have enough fun times and put enough on your so called busy schedule, Life becomes worth living and the relationship makes more sense. This makes you discover so many things about your partner and so many sides you never knew existed. Have fun anyway anyhow but please be careful when trying out immoral activities. Some fun will only break you up at the end.

9.Lastly, Be A Friend.
- It feels good to have a shoulder you can cry on and someone who can give you strength. Just as you want it, do it for your partner. Be their strength,their cheer, they motivator, gossip partner, fun partner, and everything he/she often seeks out for in a friend. If friendship is established, the love becomes easy to choose when that feeling is not there anymore.
Now I will define what a relationship is, I saved the best for last.
A relationship is one heck of a difficult task of meeting someone, establishing a cordiality, figuring them out and fighting all and I mean all the hurdles and tough times that comes your way and at the end, being a blessing to others. So if you think it was meant to be fun and easy, you just didn’t know this definition until now.
Good luck and Safe Trip on your Journey to be your partner’s special one.

Be The Woman He'll Find Nowhere Else...

When it comes to capturing a man's heart and mind, most ladies think its an impossible thing while others think that it's in the DNA of a man to cheat. Even to some extent, most of us have tuned our minds to believe that its only normal to see your guy have a side-chick. But do you also know that the Bible says that as a man thinketh so is he? Yes, it all start in the mind, what we feed our minds is what manifests in our daily lives. I'll encourage you my dear reader to take this piece serious because our husbands and beloveds should never find a better lady out there.
Women love to share, but our husbands; no way. We're as protective as a lioness with it's cub. Yes, it's so right because if you don't protect him... Hahaha, another Lady will grab him sharp. My dear women, protecting your man doesn't include setting spies on him at his work place, it doesn't include going through his messages to fish out who sent this message and why, it sure doesn't include following him like a wallet to see where he's going and who he's meeting. The only sure way to protect your man is by prayer, you wage war against the spirit of lust, you wage war against friends who will encourage him to sin against God and you. You go on your knees and fight against demonic spirits hovering around his work place trying to catch his attention... That my dear, is how to protect your man. Be that woman on fire he'll find nowhere else.
It's true that a way to the man's heart is through his stomach; cook his favorite meal, set his table like a King and engage him in a chit chat while he delightfully eats his meal and he'll adore you especially when the food tastes good. But don't be deceived dear sister, men of our time don't want to be full in their stomach alone, they want a woman who can feed the brains as well. Don't be a Queen in the kitchen alone, be a beautiful smart storage entity that whenever he is in ANY form of dilemma he can run to for unfailing solution. My sister, don't be an empty gong because in our recent times it is only the learner that will be able to possess the future.

If the only thing you have in your head is the price of a concealer, foundation and Peruvian hair then you are so lost. Men in our recent times want to be with women with brains, women with awesome ideas, women who don't only make up their face but also make up the minds by fetching important information that will benefit their man. If the only thing you're doing as a wife is to cook and cook and cook 😹 then sorry most of us have upgraded, we're not in that class anymore. Be that smart and intelligent woman he'll find nowhere.

I learnt in science that some metals are malleable this means they can be moulded into different shapes and forms. Dear sister, if you want your husband or beloved to stay by you forever then be willing to adapt and adopt. Don't be too rigid and resistant to changes. Routine is super boring, do things differently from the norm. Learn to let go of some ancestry customs, come on, he's from a different background and home, don't expect him to do things like your dad. Give the gentleman a break and some breathing space. Allow him to function as a man. Make lots of room for changes because change is the only thing that is not constant. Make some changes in your attitude, don't be too nagging and loud all the time. Just keep quiet sometimes and make him wonder why you're not all over the place this time around. The change include letting go of some of the things you like and doing the things he likes just to see him smile. If he's able to get that from you, then I can assure you that no one will be able to take your place. Be versatile and he'll find no one else but you.
Men interpret respect and love in so many ways. Find your husbands primary love language and speak it like no one else. All that a man needs is respect, if only you can learn how to talk to him even when you're angry many things would have been avoided. If coming home after a stressful day is a headache because you don't give him peace then be ready because someone else's name is Peace and she's ever ready to give it to him freely without reproach🤣🤣. If you love him then treat him right, be passionate about the things he does, crave for his presence, his scent, his vibe and company. Let him know you love him and don't be shy to express it. Be his joy and happiness, let him find comfort in you and let him have his peace.

Bible Reading: 1Peter 3:1-6

An Ema Kince Script;

We Nearly Broke Up - We felt it wasn’t working.

It gets to a point where whatever that bonds both of you ceases to exist. That point where whatever the other partner does is not pleasing.. You just want to walk away because the feeling is not the same. That’s how I felt after a very fruitful relationship. Even though we are God fearing and live a chaste Life, Love was able to pull its trick on us. Our relationship begun as a Counselor and a hurt lady where she needed some help to overcome a breakup. One which had shuttered her hopes for love so after counseling which got her a little better, I still had to stay around as a friend because I also liked her company. She is funny, open, willing to learn, caring and humble; Everything I was looking for in a woman. After being friends for a while, I introduced her to my spiritual father and got her adopted to the family to become my spiritual sister. Things were good and she had checked for attitude and spirituality so I just had a few qualities to check and then can call her mine. Not to sound too spiritual but I felt I had the duty of guiding her path and be there for her whenever she needed someone on the uncertain journey of Life. We both let the moment pass and Love have its rightful place. We told our spiritual father and he gave his consent and we begun our journey of love. She complemented me as a prioritizer by being a concentrator who gets things done. We have had a fruitful journey for the past eight months of dating and accomplished a lot by starting a Business Development Company, making investments and being part of charitable programs and not to leave out the wonderful christian programs we attended.

The dilemma of a near breakup started when we got familiar with each other and the spirit of God. We stopped praying and changed our focus from pleasing God and walking in the spirit. I being a man of God in the making and counselor felt I knew everything and wouldn't come down for her to walk over me. She also didn’t understand why an understanding person now entertains quarrels and don’t bring up spiritual conversations to talk of activities. We let the pressures of live steal us and we started hurting each other. To confess, I was a bit quick tempered and wouldn't allow any woman to walk over me. This made both of us grew apart and we could hardly stand each other. I thought we lived in the man’s world where I confused submissiveness for carpeting where I could just walk over her. I say to the glory of the Lord that scriptures brought me back to the realization that I haven't been treating her right and in as much as she must be submissive, I must nurture her with love, care, support and understanding. Making true what the word of God says in 1Chorinthians 13 where love is explained in a practical context. Adhering to what the command God gave that man should love the woman. I had a choice whether I should break up with her because she wouldn't listen to what I say or I should stay, endure and love her so she can come around when she is ready for things to return to how it was. This is where What Dr Myles Munroe said became true that LOVE IS A CHOICE not a feeling because when it did not feel good to love her and stay with her, I had a choice to endure and make this relationship work. Endure because I wont get to play boss, I will have to listen to her when she tells me to do stuff and reason with her. I made the choice to uphold to my promise that I will love her till the end of the world. Ever Since I made this choice, it doesn't always feel good when I have to endure but progressively our relationship is now back on track and I am demonstrating love I never thought I could.

My advice to every dating or married couple out there is that, it wont always be rosy. There are days, months or even years you have to be the fool to make the relationship work. Your relationship might not be working simply because you have not let go off yourself, your pride, your honors, your qualification, your fear, your desire, your power, your money to love with your all. You might have gone into the relationship for whatever reason but no matter what, that day will come when you have to endure to make it work. When it gets there, let yourself go, and Love. No matter how many times your heart has been broken or how afraid you are because it is a rule to obey only if you decide to love.
Remember: The foundation of the building are the less seen or appreciated yet it is what holds the great towers. Going down for your relationship to work doesn’t make you stupid, it makes you committed and faithful. God bless you with wisdom and patience to have a fruitful and productive relationship.


Kince
, Relief, Restoration.