Unfold and Rise

Dating again is turning out to be more interesting than I expected. I am not looking for perfection from anyone, especially on a first date.

This date was fun, but it also gave me a bit more clarity around what matters to me when I meet someone new: fun needs to sit alongside kindness, curiosity, emotional maturity, respect and enough depth that I can see who they are beyond the small talk.

That's the difference between having a nice, fun evening and actually wanting to see someone again.

Men don't usually get much of a debrief after a date, so as I venture back into dating, I thought I'd share some insights from a woman’s point of view.

I have two more dates lined up over the next couple of weeks, so follow along if you want to see how they go!

What makes YOU want a second date? comment below :)

If you’ve noticed her being a bit more distant lately, a bit quieter, less warm - and you can’t quite put your finger on why - it’s probably not what you think it is.

You might think she’s losing interest in you, or this is just how it is after the honeymoon period. What’s actually more likely is that at some point (probably a build-up of micro-moments) she stopped feeling like she could fully show up as herself, because she stopped feeling like you were really there.

And I know that’s hard to hear when you’re already doing everything you can - stay with me! I see you - SHE sees you working hard, keeping it all together, trying to be a good partner, a good Dad, keeping healthy, on top of everything else.

But being present isn’t the same as purely being in the same room, and she can feel the difference even when you don’t notice it.

This is so much more fixable than most men realise. It doesn’t take a grand personality overhaul, or a massive conversation. It’s in the small, consistent moments of actually being with her - phone down, eyes on her, listening without already thinking about what you’re going to say next - that’s what she will feel and what she’s been waiting for, even subconsciously.

If this resonates, drop a comment or DM me. I’d genuinely love to hear where you’re at 🙏🏽

Performative relationships are way more common than you realise.

It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s over, it just means there’s a gap between the life you’re showing the world and the one you’re actually living - maintaining that gap gets exhausting.

It doesn’t have to stay this way. The men I work with who recognise this and do something about it don’t just stay in their relationships. They start *consciously choosing* them, the relationship stops being something they’re managing, and starts being something they’re intentionally building with their partner.

Ever felt like this? Honestly I’ve heard it all - drop me a DM 🙏🏽

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Nobody teaches us how to do relationships.

For men - you may have it all sorted at work and in life because you have strategies and a plan, but no one ever showed you how to do relationships. Not your dad, school, and rarely, your friends.

So you try to figure it out as you go, wondering why you keep hitting the same roadblocks and if you’re the only one who feels like this - not really understanding what’s going wrong, but trying your best.

On 18th August, and I are hosting something we’ve never seen done quite like this - two women who work with men every day, telling you what most women never will.

A 2-hour live, online, practical masterclass: The Relationship Upgrade for Men 🖤

Comment UPGRADE and I’ll send you the link.

When you** lack emotional capacity, you may find you’re often drawn to women with great emotional depth.

She makes you feel seen. You make her feel chosen. And at first that’s EVERYTHING and it feels SO good…!

But as the relationship deepens, she reaches for more - more closeness, more reassurance, more of you. And you retreat - not consciously, or to be cruel, but because closeness starts to feel like pressure - on your time and your sense of freedom.

She experiences your distance as rejection.
You experience her reaching as overwhelming.

Neither of you is wrong, but both are drained and exhausted.

And the cycle keeps repeating (with each other and with future partners) until one of you - or both - decides to look at what’s actually driving it.

In this dynamic, retreating isn’t the problem - it’s what the retreating is protecting.

And that’s totally fixable - if you’re willing to look at it.

Is the space you’re creating protecting you?
Or costing you?

I see this constantly in the men I work with -

**and men can often be the “reachers” in the relationship, and women the retreaters, too.

DM me READY if this resonated and you’re fed up of repeating this cycle 🙏🏽

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