Audhd Forward

Perimenopause is understood to start about 10 years before menopause.

Menopause is actually only one day - one day after 12 months without a period. From that point you are post menopause.

I am approaching the menopause - 11 months in to that 12 month stage.

If that’s true then my perimenopause started probably early 40s and for sure that’s when my emotional state started to crumble … the deregulation of my adhd symptoms got louder, more chaotic, more distressing and out of control.

Anxiety medication numbed my feelings- I thought it was the answer but part of me deep inside knew I wasn’t living was just existing and going through the motions. And the chaos of my mind which was by then even more visible remained and perhaps did so with more devour just lest actual noise.

Moments of wishing I could beam myself into another existence even when surrounded by people I loved and was unable to tell anyone started me on a pathway to discovering- adhd, autism, perimenopause and HRT and an understanding of more parts of me than I had ever known before whilst I was too busy surviving.

The pathway could have been easier if I had known more.

And it starts for many mid 30s.

Thankfully there is so much more awareness now amongst medics and the general population.

I know how important health and fitness has been to me in embracing midlife. Knowledge about perimenopause, adhd and autism are all available online. AI can offer coaching programmes but it can’t offer real connection and after a lifetime of operating internally on another hidden level to the rest of the world I believe that is so important.

I don’t think any of these experiences need labels necessarily- though the helped me - but an acceptance that each of us is unique and emotional space, physical space and the time to discover who each of us really is, and maybe some support in harnessing that and living your life to its most wonderful potential.

If you are interested in holistic coaching embracing your unique heart, body, mind and spirit I am preparing to offer that form of support- then keep in touch.

I’m going to start with 6 week circles based on my training with Catherine Asta . Two groups - one for women in the ‘discovery zone’ and one post self identification and/or post diagnosis.

I’m limiting these groups to 6 in each- will start in Sept. Please connect to register your interest.

Specialist teaching resources, specialist handmade wooden sandtray therapy tray with lid, figures and miniature toys, wobble stools, specialist teaching g books re dyslexia, dyscalculia, adhd, autism, attachment, life story work, therapeutic focus books - available to collect for token exchange. DM/share if interested. Collection only

The poster seems particularly apt now looking back.

There are many lessons, insights, actions I know I would have benefited from and I love that I can support uni students now.

As I reflect on my first year working as an NMH provider - as a mentor and specialist study provider, I remember I wasn’t quite sure what to expect.

As it turns out I couldn’t have anticipated the varied ways I’ve worked with students to see them through the past year.

For some it has been very much about their wellbeing, avoiding overwhelm and burnout.

For some it has been about managing each and every deadline.

For others it has been about logistics, external expectations, balancing study with family life and paid work outside of uni.

For others it’s the ‘why’ - the big picture to inform motivation and shift procrastination.

There’s been practical support body doubling, accountability checks, not just assignments but life admin too…

Celebrating wins from top grades to meeting deadlines early or even just in time …

I love that I work with mature students who are redirecting their life, undergraduates straight from Alevel, PhD and masters and access students, science, maths, psychology, CBT, psychotherapy, creative writing, law, social sciences, occupational therapy, physiotherapy - students diagnosed with autism, ADHD, dyslexia.

The variety suits my brain and it honestly feels like a privilege - what a rich and reward working environment I have found myself in.

If you’re a DSA assessor or parent and would like to have a chat just DM.

For now most students are taking a break which means I have time to update my training and focus on my own pet projects 📚✍️🏃‍♀️

Looking forward to reconnecting with existing students and meeting new ones in September 🫶.

I’ve changed so much in the past 5 years. Not really changed just released, opened up and connected with the me beneath all the various layers of conformity.

I’m not actually a different person of course, though on paper, in my life, the way I talk, think, my priorities, mannerisms, attitude to life and my future I think feel and look very different.

There’s key learnings and insight which have directly impacted on and permeated every aspect of my life. There’s usually a bit of ‘woo’ thrown into the mix but my latest realisations continually reinforce that underpinning the ‘woo’ is science. ‘Woo’ statements are perhaps a short hand uninformed and instinctive alternative to the science.

I used to be such a stress head. This morning I’m travelling to London for a weekend’s training (that’s a story in itself) and if anyone looked through my earliest social media posts you’d have seen quite a few references to the stresses I continually faced around travelling - organisation, overwhelmed, overstimulated …

Today my pre booked uber (get me 🤪) didn’t turn up … despite informing me an hour before it was on its way.

This was at 5.45am for a 10 min drive to the station for a 6.25am train. I made a lame attempt to book a local taxi but at that time (I live in a market town) there was little chance.

Yes I did have about 20 mins where I possibly didn’t breathe, couldn’t think clearly and didn’t move… but it passed.

Yes I had to pay for another ticket to London, no refund possible (I have lost so much money to train operators in recent years), yes I’ll be late to my course. But it’s ok. The idea of multiple realities, stepping into the person you want to be and remembering that right now in this moment all is good with the world and releasing the need to control …I’ll be late but I’ll catch up…

Truth be known - I quite like to make an entrance anyway 😉

Smiling whilst I wait for the relatively reliable bus because the sun is shining and life is unpredictable

I have worked with children and families who find the effort to meet everday expectations of how they should be living so difficult, fluctuate between compliance out of fear,
Intimidation, exhaustion, lack of options and this often takes bravery and effort many never see. Sometimes there are also those who are brave in a different way and carve out their own unique path, resist expectations which causes others to judge, raise eyebrows, gossip, alienate them.

Today- the day I packed up the in person space I had created to try to reach these younger children - I wanted to highlight Martin Lewis’ BAFTA acceptance speech from tonight - it feels fitting - he spoke of how as a 12 year old his mom died suddenly and for 6 years, apart from school he hardly left the house- no clubs, no extra curricular activities, no socialising - just surviving. And now he has a bafta award recognising how he has has helped so many people, held government to account and has created real impact and change in the wider world.

We can’t always see the road ahead, the opportunities that will arise and it can be hard as a parent to resist the pressure. School and academic achievent was obviously a blessing for Martin Lewis but education can happen in many different ways and a different times in life.

If we’re lucky it’s lifelong ☺️

The power of self acceptance I think is at the core of everything - the freedom to be creative, to connect with self and others, to grow - personally and professionally.

And by that I mean something much more fundamental than acceptance of a label.

‘I feel I’m more accepting of myself’ was the final take away today of a client as we concluded our final session together.

He started our work together looking for ‘solutions’ to his ‘problems’.

It’s true that over the past few months he has discovered strategies - but I have always known ‘solutions’ were not what my coaching offers.

Our brains are too adaptable, creative and lively to ever be governed by a solution and fixed response to a way of being the world.

I once thought there was a hierarchy I guided clients through- understanding, awareness leading to acceptance and ultimately self compassion and self love. But like the stages of grief I now understand these states do not exits as a hierarchical progression.

They’re more of a dance.

And they will be forever fluid because we are forever evolving. And what a blessing that is.

And I think once you get into the habit of being curious, giving yourself permission to go with your strengths and work differently with your challenges, catch that negative voice which no longer occupies a free space in your head and counteract it … those ways of being can’t be completely undone again.

Yes the strategies will change, yes you’ll face moments of overwhelm but self acceptance gives you permission to listen, honour and find peace within yourself.

And coming to that realisation didn’t happen through philosophical pondering.

It came through coaching conversations - identification of discomforts, voicing wishes of how things could be different, feelings, frustrations, fears and observations- the inner voice, work/life balance, relationships, communication, perfectionism, anxiety, connection and life purpose.

The day to day and the big stuff, with someone who is able to tease it all out of the shadows and into open.

Everything is less scary, less formidable when it’s brought out into the open.

And often the impulsivity, chasing interest means we dream bigger…

It’s just that we may need to reach our destination in a different way - an ‘unconventional’ way, use different tools.

That’s what I believe.

It’s true it may take longer than expected to reach our goal, or the goal may change.

And that’s ok - it may be bottom up processing at work, it may be growth in self awareness, it may good old Alexithymia delaying our processing of how we actually feel in a situation.

And it could be quicker.

Sometimes the challenge is about pushing through when circumstances don’t feel aligned and that’s where we have to keep checking in with ourselves… is this actually ok?

Sometimes it’s about setting boundaries and saying no … also ok.

And sometimes it’s about not being afraid to shine and not forgetting to celebrate you.

This … all of this… happens in a coaching space where you commit to and are held account for and are partnered in focusing on you.

Despite and sometimes because of all the internalised voices, self critical monologue which can be soo subtle and so ingrained we don’t notice it, despite all the time spent ruminating we forget.

All of the above happens in my work - with late diagnosed adults, with university students and with me in my own life.

I have 3 weeks left in my in- person space. I had to try it and I learned from doing it. And I’ve gained clarity in my business focus.

A neurotypical person would have worked out it wouldn’t work out more quickly and with less expense. But here’s the final line I push in my sessions - self compassion- it really really matters.

Don’t ever miss it out 🫶