Audhd Forward

The poster seems particularly apt now looking back.

There are many lessons, insights, actions I know I would have benefited from and I love that I can support uni students now.

As I reflect on my first year working as an NMH provider - as a mentor and specialist study provider, I remember I wasn’t quite sure what to expect.

As it turns out I couldn’t have anticipated the varied ways I’ve worked with students to see them through the past year.

For some it has been very much about their wellbeing, avoiding overwhelm and burnout.

For some it has been about managing each and every deadline.

For others it has been about logistics, external expectations, balancing study with family life and paid work outside of uni.

For others it’s the ‘why’ - the big picture to inform motivation and shift procrastination.

There’s been practical support body doubling, accountability checks, not just assignments but life admin too…

Celebrating wins from top grades to meeting deadlines early or even just in time …

I love that I work with mature students who are redirecting their life, undergraduates straight from Alevel, PhD and masters and access students, science, maths, psychology, CBT, psychotherapy, creative writing, law, social sciences, occupational therapy, physiotherapy - students diagnosed with autism, ADHD, dyslexia.

The variety suits my brain and it honestly feels like a privilege - what a rich and reward working environment I have found myself in.

If you’re a DSA assessor or parent and would like to have a chat just DM.

For now most students are taking a break which means I have time to update my training and focus on my own pet projects 📚✍️🏃‍♀️

Looking forward to reconnecting with existing students and meeting new ones in September 🫶.

I’ve changed so much in the past 5 years. Not really changed just released, opened up and connected with the me beneath all the various layers of conformity.

I’m not actually a different person of course, though on paper, in my life, the way I talk, think, my priorities, mannerisms, attitude to life and my future I think feel and look very different.

There’s key learnings and insight which have directly impacted on and permeated every aspect of my life. There’s usually a bit of ‘woo’ thrown into the mix but my latest realisations continually reinforce that underpinning the ‘woo’ is science. ‘Woo’ statements are perhaps a short hand uninformed and instinctive alternative to the science.

I used to be such a stress head. This morning I’m travelling to London for a weekend’s training (that’s a story in itself) and if anyone looked through my earliest social media posts you’d have seen quite a few references to the stresses I continually faced around travelling - organisation, overwhelmed, overstimulated …

Today my pre booked uber (get me 🤪) didn’t turn up … despite informing me an hour before it was on its way.

This was at 5.45am for a 10 min drive to the station for a 6.25am train. I made a lame attempt to book a local taxi but at that time (I live in a market town) there was little chance.

Yes I did have about 20 mins where I possibly didn’t breathe, couldn’t think clearly and didn’t move… but it passed.

Yes I had to pay for another ticket to London, no refund possible (I have lost so much money to train operators in recent years), yes I’ll be late to my course. But it’s ok. The idea of multiple realities, stepping into the person you want to be and remembering that right now in this moment all is good with the world and releasing the need to control …I’ll be late but I’ll catch up…

Truth be known - I quite like to make an entrance anyway 😉

Smiling whilst I wait for the relatively reliable bus because the sun is shining and life is unpredictable

I have worked with children and families who find the effort to meet everday expectations of how they should be living so difficult, fluctuate between compliance out of fear,
Intimidation, exhaustion, lack of options and this often takes bravery and effort many never see. Sometimes there are also those who are brave in a different way and carve out their own unique path, resist expectations which causes others to judge, raise eyebrows, gossip, alienate them.

Today- the day I packed up the in person space I had created to try to reach these younger children - I wanted to highlight Martin Lewis’ BAFTA acceptance speech from tonight - it feels fitting - he spoke of how as a 12 year old his mom died suddenly and for 6 years, apart from school he hardly left the house- no clubs, no extra curricular activities, no socialising - just surviving. And now he has a bafta award recognising how he has has helped so many people, held government to account and has created real impact and change in the wider world.

We can’t always see the road ahead, the opportunities that will arise and it can be hard as a parent to resist the pressure. School and academic achievent was obviously a blessing for Martin Lewis but education can happen in many different ways and a different times in life.

If we’re lucky it’s lifelong ☺️

The power of self acceptance I think is at the core of everything - the freedom to be creative, to connect with self and others, to grow - personally and professionally.

And by that I mean something much more fundamental than acceptance of a label.

‘I feel I’m more accepting of myself’ was the final take away today of a client as we concluded our final session together.

He started our work together looking for ‘solutions’ to his ‘problems’.

It’s true that over the past few months he has discovered strategies - but I have always known ‘solutions’ were not what my coaching offers.

Our brains are too adaptable, creative and lively to ever be governed by a solution and fixed response to a way of being the world.

I once thought there was a hierarchy I guided clients through- understanding, awareness leading to acceptance and ultimately self compassion and self love. But like the stages of grief I now understand these states do not exits as a hierarchical progression.

They’re more of a dance.

And they will be forever fluid because we are forever evolving. And what a blessing that is.

And I think once you get into the habit of being curious, giving yourself permission to go with your strengths and work differently with your challenges, catch that negative voice which no longer occupies a free space in your head and counteract it … those ways of being can’t be completely undone again.

Yes the strategies will change, yes you’ll face moments of overwhelm but self acceptance gives you permission to listen, honour and find peace within yourself.

And coming to that realisation didn’t happen through philosophical pondering.

It came through coaching conversations - identification of discomforts, voicing wishes of how things could be different, feelings, frustrations, fears and observations- the inner voice, work/life balance, relationships, communication, perfectionism, anxiety, connection and life purpose.

The day to day and the big stuff, with someone who is able to tease it all out of the shadows and into open.

Everything is less scary, less formidable when it’s brought out into the open.

And often the impulsivity, chasing interest means we dream bigger…

It’s just that we may need to reach our destination in a different way - an ‘unconventional’ way, use different tools.

That’s what I believe.

It’s true it may take longer than expected to reach our goal, or the goal may change.

And that’s ok - it may be bottom up processing at work, it may be growth in self awareness, it may good old Alexithymia delaying our processing of how we actually feel in a situation.

And it could be quicker.

Sometimes the challenge is about pushing through when circumstances don’t feel aligned and that’s where we have to keep checking in with ourselves… is this actually ok?

Sometimes it’s about setting boundaries and saying no … also ok.

And sometimes it’s about not being afraid to shine and not forgetting to celebrate you.

This … all of this… happens in a coaching space where you commit to and are held account for and are partnered in focusing on you.

Despite and sometimes because of all the internalised voices, self critical monologue which can be soo subtle and so ingrained we don’t notice it, despite all the time spent ruminating we forget.

All of the above happens in my work - with late diagnosed adults, with university students and with me in my own life.

I have 3 weeks left in my in- person space. I had to try it and I learned from doing it. And I’ve gained clarity in my business focus.

A neurotypical person would have worked out it wouldn’t work out more quickly and with less expense. But here’s the final line I push in my sessions - self compassion- it really really matters.

Don’t ever miss it out 🫶

And if really important send them to themselves on WhatsApp and maybe even ‘star’ them but never EVER look at them again 🥴😆

I know it’s a cliche but don’t even get me started on open tabs on my laptop… I have some sort of unprocessed fear that if I close a document I’ll never find it again, but can’t find it amongst all the open tabs anyway!! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Anyone relate?

This won’t mean much to many of you - it didn’t to me 12 months ago - so apologies for the jargon and acronyms but to those of you who are DSA assessors :

Yes, I am an approved Student Finance England (SFE) Non Medical Helper (NMH) provider as AuDHD Forward Ltd on the relevant database.

I started this role at the start of this academic year and have loved the variety of the role and the students I support and so am making more space in my schedule to increase the hours I have available to support more students.

I work with students across faculties, ages, levels - undergraduate, post graduate, doctorate and realise how fortunate I am to meet such a broad range of individuals. Some are diagnosed ADHD, Autistic, dyslexic, some have multiple diagnoses.

My ‘niche’ has always been specialist generalist so this suits me perfectly.

If you would like to chat with me to see if I am a fit for those you are assessing please get in touch. At the moment I’m offering online only unless a student is happy to work in block sessions in person.

I forget to use social media as an actual business tool sometimes rather than simply a networking tool so here I am.

The next post I write needs to be aimed at colleges to raise awareness and encourages them to inform students about the support they may be entitled to at uni.