03/10/2026
"All Dogs Love me!" - What's wrong with this belief?
It happens often.
I meet a lot of people, and I've interviewed one person for care of my own dogs, or they've visited my house, who have been given advice on how the dog behaves, and they respond with their belief statement of "it's ok, all dogs love me".
I made the mistake once of allowing a person to continue greeting my dog and building a relationship after they made this statement. I ended up not going on my holiday, I sent my husband off and I stayed home with 2 days notice because the issue is:
What happens when the dog doesn't instantly love you?
When you come across a dog who doesn't automatically fall into that expected happy waggy pro-social response, it can feel like rejection, and the ego gets involved.
Why doesn't the dog love me? What's wrong with them?
A person who regularly states "all dogs love me" is usually expecting the unconditional from the dog when they haven't proven they're a safe person that can be trusted. There's no relationship.
Usually they've only really met happy-go-lucky dogs.
Often is simply inexperience and a person new on their journey.
When rejection hits, when the ego gets affected. When the wall goes up, like the dogs it puts us in that survival state. Pre-mammal.
Control or avoid.
In humans when it comes to dogs, we rarely avoid (or choose to step away) when in that state. There's often an entitlement. It's a skill and takes a regulated nervous system to say " I'm not the right person for this dog" and not see it like some challenge to get the dog to like us.
Mostly, it's control.
What can I do to get the interaction?
This is where it gets dangerous.
For some dogs, their love of food can override safety and a lot of people offer food in their hand to coax the dog in, mistaking their approach for acceptance of proximity. Missing that the dog is showing every sign they don't want to be there but the want of the food is overriding their safety signals.
Suddenly the food is gone and the dog realises: they're too close.
The dog is then also in survival: control or avoid.
Fortunately for soooo many humans, dogs are conflict avoidant naturally and they will back away to a safe position.
However, some dogs have learnt that distance isn't respected, or they've been role modelled a power over approach, so when they suddenly find themselves too close and the person doesn't read their signals: they go for the bite.
Back to my story: On paper the person I interviewed was ok, clearly lacking experience in person but was open to listening, and they did. They followed every bit of guidance while I was present and when I went out to the garden for 10 mins to give them space.
After several visits things seemed ok. Whether it was my proximity making them feel ok, or making my dog feel safe, it seemed ok.
Then we trialled me going out for an hour.
This is where the ego returned.
A simple rule left: my bedroom is her safe space. If she's in there, don't approach, you can invite her out but it's her choice to join you or not.
15 mins later I get a text: "your dog is being aggressive".
What led to that? I asked.
"She wouldn't come out of the bedroom so went in to get her out".
The ego needed to prove a point. The ego needed to show they could get what they wanted from the dog. The ego needed the dog to obey. The ego needed control of a situation that didn't need any interference whatsoever.
Similar happens with nervous dogs all the time. The potential sitter 'needs' to prove a point, be of use. Be doing something.
Example: A nervous rescue is hiding under a desk. The sitter thinks " I've been here 3 hours they MUST need the toilet.... The dog won't come out so they get in close to coax them or try to move them.
The dog has nowhere to go: bite.
"Your dog is aggressive".
Example: Dog goes out to the garden to p*e and won't come back in the house. To the dog, it's safer in the garden where they can move. The person's ego can't handle this, the more they try to get the dog in, the more problematic the behaviou gets.
"Your dog is disobedient".
Example: A person visits the dog, spends an hour with them.and the family and the dog eventually stands by them and allows themselves to be stroked. Great!
1 week later they visit and the dog is back to square one. Not interested. The person has to start again: Rejection, the ego steps in and an emotional wall builds, often leading to increased avoidance, barking or testing by the dog.
"Your dog is a problem".
The 'All dogs love me' person has a need to be accepted, liked to be of value. External validation.
Rejection hits hard. The ego gets affected. Pre-mammal/survival state is entered.
The dog is reacted to instead of responded to.
Boundaries are pushed out of a pre-mammal need for control, or to feel in control.
The person feels unsafe to the dog, so you don't behaviours escalate.
It doesn't matter if the person would never physically harm the dog, emotional instability and survival mode feels unsafe to the dog.
Even coming in with a big expectation to greet the dog can feel.unsafe, put up a wall. The elation as the dog approaches can be enough to feel unsafe to them.
The feeling of rejection followed by the inner thoughts processed of potentially feeling judged, creates a bigger barrier.
Some people will completely get this post. Others will already be typing a reactive comment, or unfollowed!
I'd simply like to ask a few questions to go away and ponder whether this post was a trigger, a realisation or simply something you've thought of before:
What is it in you that needs to be accepted? Where does it come from? What is the fear behind not being instantly liked, loved or accepted by the dog or indeed anyone?
They're questions I had to sit with on the start of my journey, not because I needed all dogs to love me, my version was being accepted by people, and living in a constant mask, a version that was acceptable to people.
Now I generally live unmasked π
