Coaching by Kieran

The parent–teenager stand-off

The parent thinks: “I know they could do more.”

The teenager thinks: “Stop telling me what to do.”

Both may want progress. The problem is often the pattern.

Tell → remind → ask → let them plan → review

Stepping back does not mean withdrawing support. It means changing the kind of support you offer.

Instead of: “Have you done it yet?”

Try: “What is your plan?”**

The long-term goal is not for parents to become less involved. It is for young people to gradually become more able to direct their own next move.

Some young people can achieve something difficult and still describe it as “decent”.

But one mistake can stay in their thoughts for hours.

Confidence does not only grow from achievement. It grows when we notice what happened, interpret it fairly and remember it for the next challenge.

Try asking:

**What did you actually do? What quality did that require?**

Specific evidence is often more useful than generic praise.

I’ve written about building an Evidence Bank for confidence—one small piece of evidence at a time.

Caught this from the window this morning 🌈

A decent reminder to look up once in a while.

Definitely wasn’t leaning halfway out the window trying to get the photo.

Before you remind them again, ask one question

Something I have noticed in coaching: young people often know what they need to do.

The difficult part is starting without somebody else carrying the responsibility for them.

Parent knows they need to revise, train, send the email or tidy their room.
Young person knows too.
The reminder comes. Then another. Frustration builds.

Before the next reminder, try asking:

**What do you think you need to do next?**

Then leave a little space.

The aim is not only to get one task done. It is to help a young person practise noticing, deciding and starting for themselves.

Where could you replace a reminder with a question this week?

It’s a challenging job market at the moment, particularly for young people trying to secure their first job, apprenticeship or early career opportunity.

Simply doing more applications isn’t always the answer.

I’ve been thinking about how young people could approach the job search more like an experiment:

Where is everyone else competing?
What could I do differently?
What evidence makes me worth noticing?
What could I show rather than just tell?
What does the data say is actually working?

That could mean approaching employers directly, tailoring different versions of your CV, building an evidence bank, following up properly, tracking applications, or testing a different route rather than repeatedly doing what isn’t working.

I’ve pulled some of these ideas together into a simple Job Search Lab PDF:

Apply → Experiment → Track → Improve

It’s designed particularly for young people navigating jobs, apprenticeships and early career opportunities.

If you’d like a copy, comment below or send me a message and I’ll happily share the PDF.

You don’t control whether you win.

You do have some control over how you play.

I’ve been thinking about an idea from Adam Smith’s The Theory of Moral Sentiments, where he describes the Stoic view of life as a game involving both skill and chance.

That feels remarkably relevant today.

You can prepare brilliantly for an interview and not get the job.

Build a good business and have the market change.

Do your best as a parent and still watch your child make their own choices.

So when the result is uncertain, where should we put our attention?

I like these four standards:

Play well — prepare and pay attention.
Play fairly — don’t trade away your principles.
Play wisely — choose perspective over impulse.
Play skilfully — keep improving what the situation requires.

You can still care deeply about winning.

Just don’t let the result become the only way you judge yourself.

What would playing the situation in front of you well look like today?

I explored the idea further here

The Game of Life: Put Your Attention Where Your Conduct Is I have been returning to one idea from Adam Smith’s *The Theory of Moral Sentiments*.

How should we play the game of life?

I explore this in my latest article,

The Game of Life: Put Your Attention Where Your Conduct Is I have been returning to one idea from Adam Smith’s *The Theory of Moral Sentiments*.

Most of life is not under our control. Outcomes depend on timing, chance and other people.

But we can still choose how we play: with discipline, fairness, wisdom and skill.

That does not guarantee that we win. It gives us a steadier place to put our attention—and a better way to live while the result is still unknown.

A weekly reset beats constant catching up

A system only works if you come back to it.

Once a week, I spend a short amount of time reviewing what is coming up, what needs doing, what needs thinking about and what can wait.

It is not about becoming perfectly organised.

It is about starting the week with less noise.

A weekly reset helps you notice what is slipping, close loose ends and choose what matters most next.

You do not need a complete life overhaul.

You may just need 30 minutes to stop, review and reset.
What would make next week feel one point better?

AI as a thinking partner

I do not use AI to make every decision for me.

I use it to help me think more clearly.

Sometimes I have a rough note full of ideas, half-formed actions and things I need to revisit.

Rather than leaving it as mental clutter, I can ask:

- What are the real actions here?
- What needs a decision rather than a task?
- What is unclear?
- What can wait?

AI can help turn messy thoughts into clearer options.
But the judgement still belongs to you.

That is the important bit.

Use tools to support your thinking—not replace it.