25/02/2026
Love the humour and creativity in this 🪼🐠🐬🐋
FIELD REPORT--RETROGRADE STATUS UPDATE
RETROGRADE PERIOD: Feb 26 - March 20, 2026
ATMOSPHERIC CONDITIONS: Saturated. Sentimental. Poor structural integrity.
REPORTING OFFICER: Mercury, currently submerging, compromised, and wearing a crown of seaweed and an octopus that refuses to be removed. I am being drawn toward an uncontrollable whirlpool and will employ retrogradation tactics to assure survival.
GENERAL OVERVIEW: Upon entering Pisces, I immediately noted a collapse in the usual boundaries between categories, tasks, and emotional states. Lists dissolved into lyricism. Schedules drifted. Facts softened at the edges. I attempted to file a standard intake report; it became a watercolor.
Venus, who is thriving in these conditions, assured me that “everything is supposed to feel like a memory of a beautiful dream you once had.” I am not convinced she actually said this, but it is what I heard, and therefore what I am recording.
The Sun arrived shortly thereafter, radiating warmth and confusion. He allegedly stated, “I will be lying face down in the ocean until further notice.” Whether this was an official proclamation or simply a moment of existential fatigue remains unclear.
OPERATIONAL CONCERNS: With retrograde imminent, I am already experiencing significant interference:
• Temporal drift: Hours behave like loose threads.
• Semantic erosion: Words refuse to stay in their assigned meanings.
• Emotional backwash: Old narratives resurface without warning.
• Technological sogginess: Devices behave as if they, too, are underwater.
Venus insists this is “healing.” The Sun insists nothing is his responsibility. I insist on documenting the truth, though the truth keeps changing shape.
PROJECTED RETROGRADE BEHAVIORS: In the interest of transparency—and because Venus said “honesty is a form of devotion” (a phrase I am 70% sure she did not say)—I am outlining my anticipated conduct during the retrograde period:
MEMORY FOG DEPLOYMENT: I will unintentionally release gentle but pervasive confusion. Possible outcomes include:
• remembering events that never occurred
• forgetting events that absolutely did
• déjà vu with the emotional weight of a mythic omen
COMMUNICATION DRIFT: Messages may reroute through symbolic, aquatic, or dream logic channels. Expect metaphors where instructions should be. Expect feelings where facts should be.
TECHNOLOGY TIDES: Devices may behave like temperamental sea creatures. Autocorrect may develop opinions. Notifications may arrive from the past, future, or alternate timelines.
EMOTIONAL UNDERTOW: Unresolved feelings will surface like startled fish. This is not sabotage. This is maintenance.
TEMPORAL SOFTENING: Linear time will be optional. Appointments may melt. You may arrive early, late, or in the wrong century.
ENVIRONMENTAL COMMENTARY: Venus, in her current state of Piscean bliss, claims that “all of this is simply an invitation to surrender.” The Sun, speaking through a mouthful of seawater, reportedly added, “Wake me when it’s Aries.” I cannot verify the accuracy of either statement.
PUBLIC ADVISORY: Proceed with compassion, humor, and buoyancy aids. If anything goes sideways, diagonally, or into the past, please direct all complaints to the undersigned:
Mercury, Messenger & Reluctant Aquatic Intern
