Janette D Miller

To the woman who’s forgotten who she is, not because she’s weak, but because life has slowly eroded her sense of self through over-giving, people-pleasing, and years of trying to be everything to everyone else.

She’s lived in survival mode for so long that she no longer knows what safety or self-trust feel like in her body.

You’re not alone.
I see you. I’ve got you.

I’ve been talking a lot about confidence this week and how it’s not just a mental state, but a physiological one. The messages I’ve received tell me this has really resonated with many of you.

A few women have said that they don’t feel as confident as they used to, and others have said that confidence is a real struggle at the moment.

When your nervous system doesn’t feel safe to be seen, heard or take up space, confidence is naturally going to feel difficult.

And this is where self worth comes in.

If deep down you don’t feel good enough, your body will often keep you small, quiet, and second guessing yourself. Not because you’re weak, but because your nervous system is simply trying to protect you.

Real confidence grows when your body starts to feel safer being you. When that happens, you stop pushing yourself to appear confident and start trusting yourself a little more instead.

And that’s where things begin to change.

If you’re recognising yourself in this and wondering how to move forward, feel free to message me and we can have a chat about how I can support you 🩷

“Confidence isn’t worn.
It’s felt.”

When I worked as a Personal Stylist, my principles were based on helping my clients to feel confident by making the right style choices.

While it worked for the majority of my clients, I found myself wondering why it didn’t always work for me. I was preaching it and helping them, but I felt like a fraud because I didn’t achieve the same level of confidence as they did.

I began to realise that there was something deeper beyond the surface level styling advice to feel confident, but I didn’t know what it was.

It wasn’t until last year when I embarked on my journey to become a Somatic Trauma-Informed Coach and Leader that the penny dropped. Learning about the complexities of the human body was the missing piece that I was looking for.

I didn’t set out to learn about trauma, but you can’t understand how one person can feel more confident than someone else, without learning about the nervous system and you can’t understand the nervous system without understanding trauma.

It’s then when I discovered that confidence is felt. It isn’t just a mental state, it’s a physiological state that’s deeply linked to a nervous system that feels safe.

You can repeat affirmations all day until you’re blue in the face and buy a whole new wardrobe, but if your stomach clenches and your chest tightens at the thought of doing anything that you believe confidence is the solution, you’ll be stuck for a long time.

While I no longer work as a Personal Stylist, I do include wardrobe styling in my Transformation Coaching package just before we finish our time together. This way, you’ll not only feel confident to be seen, but you’ll have a wardrobe that works with your nervous system, not against it.

If this resonates with you, get in touch and we can explore the different ways that I can help you ☕️

Nothing to see here, just a Transformation Coach showing up for her clients the way she tells them to show up for themselves.

I help my clients to feel seen, but I haven’t been modelling the same behaviour lately 🙈

I completely understand this because there was a time when I didn’t want to be seen online at all.

While all the online coaches were saying:
“You need to show up”
“You have to be visible”
“Just press record”
Ugh! It was less painful to pull out my eyelashes out one by one 😭

Your mind says “I’m going to start on Monday” and your nervous system says “I don’t think so!”

Having done the work myself, I soon found a beautiful place on the other side of the fear.

A me that no longer has a fear of being seen. An embodied truth that I am enough. Of course I can have a wobble sometimes, but I listen to my body and know that it’s just my nervous system doing its job and keeping me safe.

When we work together, we uncover the blocks that are holding you back by recognising the parts that are protecting you. You’ll see that there’s nothing wrong with you and that you just didn’t understand what was happening with your body and nervous system.

So instead of forcing confidence or pushing through the fear, we slow it down and work with your nervous system, not against it.

That hesitation, the camera fear, the pulling back? It is not a flaw. It is protection.

When your body feels safe, visibility stops feeling like a threat and starts feeling like a choice.

If this resonates, tell me where you feel it most.

Camera fear, speaking up, or being seen in your work?

You don’t need more confidence.
You need to feel safe being seen.

So many women tell themselves they just need to be braver, louder, more confident, more polished. But if your nervous system doesn’t feel safe, no amount of mindset work or “just do it” advice will stick.

When you focus on safety first, confidence becomes a natural by-product. Showing up stops feeling like pressure and starts feeling like choice.

If being seen still feels uncomfortable for you, there is nothing wrong with you. Your body is doing its job.

Having low self worth is draining your bank account and here’s what to do about it:

Having low self doesn’t mean that you’re careless with money. But trying to feel good enough all the time is expensive (and exhausting).

📌So what can you actually do about it?

The easiest advice to give is to say:
“Stop buying new things”.
“Just say no more”.
“You don’t need another qualification to be successful”

🎯Here’s what I will say instead:

📌Instead of buying something new, choose an outfit from your wardrobe that you already feel incredible in and feel safe when you wear it. Let the discomfort of wearing the same outfit again be there and notice that nothing bad happens. That’s how self trust grows.

📌When asked to do something for someone, pause before you say yes and ask yourself, what am I hoping this will give me? A sense of belonging? Approval? Acceptance? or Recognition?
You’ll quickly choose yourself when you answer that question.

📌And before you sign up for another course, ask yourself: Is this really going to help me expand or am I just trying to fix myself?
Those two places feel very different in the body.

This isn’t about money management.
It’s about self worth, safety and learning to listen to yourself.

If this resonates, tell me in the comments which one you’re guilty of, or save this for the next time you feel the urge to spend, say yes, or sign up.

When did you start shrinking, even though nothing about you externally became smaller?

Shrinking looks like watching what you say and walking on eggshells. Replaying conversations. Re-writing the email before you press send. Putting everyone else first so nothing goes wrong.

Over time, this is what quietly destroys confidence.

Not failure. Not getting things wrong. Fear.

Fear of being criticised. Fear of upsetting someone. Fear of being seen as too much or not enough.

If you are constantly watching what you say, how you say it, and whether you are allowed to take up space, you are not being sensitive. But what you are doing is self abandoning.

I’ve found myself in a similar situation over the past few months, where I started walking on eggshells and starting shrinking until I became mute. Wtf. When I sat down to analyse the issue, I realised that I had abandoned myself. I’m not responsible for other people’s actions or behaviours and I can’t expect them to change, but what I do have to remember is to honour my self worth in everything I do.

Most high achieving solo mums I work with are capable and outwardly coping, but internally exhausted from second guessing themselves, just as I was.

When you live this way, you stop trusting your judgement. You delay decisions. You doubt yourself even when you are capable.

This is where your confidence slowly chips away.

The Self Worth Revival is a focused 90 minute one to one session to help you stop shrinking and start trusting yourself again.

It’s practical, clear and supportive.

If you want this year to feel different, this is where we start.

Comment REVIVAL for the link or book via the link in my bio.

🩷💜🩷