Carol Ann Gvineria

26/12/2022

Thanks so much for following my updates on The Listening Labs here on my page

There’s a rustle in the trees!

I am moving all the updates on the Listening Labs over to The Listening Labs page here:

Facebook.com/ThisisTheListeningLabs

I would be so happy to have you Come over and join me there!

New exciting things about to land there in early Jan!

Will add another link above

Have a lovely end to 2022!

Carol Ann

10/10/2022

It’s World Mental Health Day today.

These marked ‘days’ are great for awareness raising and for getting us talking.

But when we are ‘having a day’

No matter the day

On ‘that day’

Listening or being listened too, can be the thing, that made the difference.

I found the postcard below in an folder of mine last week - all credit to SeeMeScotland

02/10/2022

Have a lovely Sunday

Sometimes we find ourselves rambling and it can make the person listening disengage. Here is one way to control your tendency to ramble and be heard.

13/09/2022

Home, Hemat Gryffe

19/08/2022

What's your favourite photo on your phone at the moment? 😊

It's way too zoomed in, way too grainy, and captured by an amateur indeed, but it's my favourite photo on my phone at the moment.

It's World Photography Day today (https://www.worldphotographyday.com/) and the internet has been awash with such beautiful, beautiful photos.

Wonderful talent.

As you may guess, I have a penchant for the wee Spring lamb, still my fave even now in the thick of Summer.

But my favourite photos are those that people seem able to catch of shared conversations, shared intimacy between people.

They somehow invite me into a story.

If not privy to the conversation, my mind starts to invent in my mind what is going on.

But what's not made up, is the energy picked up in the photos between face and eyes while they listen to each other.

Have you ever had someone intently look at you while they listen to you?

Have you ever had someone look away from you while they listen to you?

The feeling is very different, isn't it?

The photo tells a different story.

When you feel heard the other persons eyes seem to listen in partnership with their ears.

Oh and we feel it..

Here's an experiment for you this weekend if you fancy it - Keep your eyes open and-watch how people listen with their eyes or not.

Maybe even capture a photo.

And with their permission, if you would like share it here with your own thoughts.

They are my favourite types of photos, I would love to see them.

Have a really lovely weekend

CA

12/08/2022

What We Do🌱

What We Do.🌱

18/07/2022

Working these past months on a piece of work for a client, I’ve had the honour to listen to many different adult’s experiences of online harm, and how it affects their mental health and wellbeing.

From the many conversations recorded in my notebooks...

One person's sentence stood out.

It’s a simple sentence, loud and powerful.

But it’s a sentence, in our ‘fix it’ culture, we don’t always feel able to say.

It’s a sentence that asks for presence, time, and patience...

“𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅, 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒕, 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆.”

When my son was little, I used to read him a book, that described the worrying contents of his head as a - ‘Big Bag of Worries.’

A bag he needed to open and just share with someone from time to time – lest it got too heavy.

He’s bigger now, but it doesn’t mean the bag has gone away.

To have someone present enough to ‘𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏’ to the contents of our head, is sometimes all we need.

We feel lighter, we feel heard, we relax, we are more co-operative with those around us. We reset and start over.

You know the feeling.

It can make ALL the difference.

Skill in listening requires presence, time, and patience.

I really believe that skill is in us all, but it needs practice.

Investing in our listening skills makes a gargantuan difference to the quality and strength of our relationships.

As one client said to me ‘𝒊𝒕 𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆!’

In case you are interested - here is the link to Virginia Ironside's own website and her book the ‘The Huge Bag or Worries'
http://www.virginiaironside.org/

Have a lovely start to your week - CA😊

18/06/2022

Picture the scene

A team meeting on Zoom...

Your best thought of the day is ready to be shared…

…there is a lull in the conversation, now’s your moment.

You perfectly and precisely transmit what you want to say, exhaling contentedly once finished.

But then – there’s pregnant pause.

You notice a bit of a bemused look on people’s virtual faces, your heart sinks as you begin to think

"They didn't get what I wanted to say"

Someone states: "I don’t understand."

Then, someone else interrupts with their opinion on something else and the conversation moves on…

You fall flat, and feel a wee bit dejected.

You think to yourself, “How’s this possible? I am convinced what I said was crystal clear and logical."

Inside, you skulk away. Not sure if you will try again.

The moment’s lost.

You wanted to be heard and understood.

We all do. I know I want to be.

BUT - THERE’S ONE THING, ONE PERSON COULD HAVE DONE TO CHANGE THE SCENARIO...

And it brings with it, a healthy dose of respect and understanding.

Who wouldn’t want to work and live in such an environment (I just made a typo, with live to love – but you know what I think it also works in love.)

GET CURIOUS.

As much as we all look different from each other, we also process and present things differently.

Sometimes we don’t immediately ‘get’ what someone means.

If we don’t ‘get curious’ when we don’t understand – the above happens and we risk losing the value of what someone was about to say. And tragically, we may risk that they dare not try again.

BUT if we GET CURIOUS and at least SEEK to understand – we open-up potential.

Something shifts when someone feels heard.

I read a beautiful book a few years back, written by Benjamin Zander, conductor of the Boston Philharmonic written with his wife, Rosamund Stone Zander called ‘The Art of Possibility’. (Here's the link if you want to check it out: https://www.benjaminzander.org/shop/?type=books)

There’s one thing he says in his book , that if you look close enough - reveals that shift.

"Look at their eyes. If their eyes are shining, you know you're doing it."

Have a lovely rest of your weekend - may your eyes shine 😊

Carol Ann

02/04/2022

I find it impossible to pass a bridge and not take a photo! I just love them.

Uff! was I in my element this Saturday morning, as my train passed through Newcastle in the UK, resplendent in the ☀️ sun and I got 3 for the price of 1! ( there might even be 4?)

So, what’s this got to do with listening?

Like a bridge connects, I think listening can do the same between us.

I particularly liked the big curvy blue bridge 🙂 at the back.

It reminded me of watching someone rise up high with someone, in their moment of joy.

Researchers have found that, the chance to share such joy, results in more satisfaction with life, more happiness and vitality.

(Here’s the link in case you fancy reading the research: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407512449400?rss=1)

BUT

For this to happen, someone has to receive our joy and that takes a good listener.

And the wonderful thing is, that this created bridge’ reaps positive benefit for both the speaker and listener.

Have a lovely weekend
CA

18/02/2022

On a rainy walk last weekend, whilst waiting for my son, I watched these rain drops on an old gate.

I wanted to see how long it took for them to burst open. My eye caught it finally, but not any photographic skill😉

You just couldn't tell when it was going to happen.

Sometimes in conversation, whilst listening, there comes a moment of silence.

How we interact with that moment of silence, can really change the trajectory of the conversation.

If we sit with the silence in listening for a moment - we might get the 'burst open' that has been needed in a conversation.

07/02/2022

Oh, I get so mesmerised in the presence of immense bridge structures.

On the social bridges we build, I once heard an excellent speaker, David Adams, the CEO of The Urban Assembly, Inc. in New York, speak so beautifully and metaphorically of bridges and social and emotional skills.

I loved what he said.

‘𝑂𝑢𝑟 𝑠𝑜𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙 𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑏𝑢𝑡𝑒 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑎𝑠 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑎𝑠 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑙 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑠’ 𝑎𝑑𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 ‘𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑑𝑦 𝑏𝑟𝑖𝑑𝑔𝑒 𝑖𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑜𝑐𝑖𝑒𝑡𝑦 𝑎𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑡 𝑐𝑟𝑢𝑚𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑠’.

I believe an openness to listen to another, is the foundation for engineering connection and mutual understanding.

Shifts start to happen in the presence of someone's willingness and openness to really listen.

It’s a skill that creates its own enriching infrastructure.

I attempt every-time, to capture the expansiveness of the bridges on my phone – but to be honest, I never quite manage it.

I will keep trying, but I have come to the conclusion that, like when we are heard, it's more about the feeling of enrichment in the moment.

01/02/2022

“𝑆𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑒𝑥𝑝𝑙𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑟𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑐𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑒𝑥𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑟𝑦” 𝐽𝑒𝑓𝑓 𝐺𝑜𝑙𝑑𝑏𝑙𝑢𝑚

Watching the 'Sneakers' episode last night with my son on "The World According to Jeff Goldblum", the pertinence of Jeff's wisdom struck me..

Sometimes in the face of the 'supposed ordinary’, our biases and assumptions, like gatekeepers, accompany our listening. But if we consciously choose to set them aside - it opens the possibility, the gate, for us to be beautifully surprised and inspired. It's an invite to meet the extraordinary often hiding in our midst. 😊