Coach Graham

21/08/2026

Who wins when you play small?

Something I would have grabbed eagerly with both hands in my 20s now seems scary. I know that’s true for me – and I hear it again and again from the people I work with. Gay men, women, technically brilliant people who have spent years making themselves smaller. Dimming their light so as not to dazzle others. Playing small to stay safe.

Here’s the thing. Playing small doesn’t help anyone. Dimming your light might let others feel brighter in comparison, but the overall brightness in the room is reduced. And if someone feels intimidated by your full capability – frankly, that’s their problem to work on, not yours.

Your talent hasn’t gone anywhere. It’s still there. It’s always been there. One of these mornings you could rise up, spread those wings, and take to the skies. The option is still open. You’re not too much. You’ve just been toning yourself down.

If you’re an LGBTQ+ professional in a technical field and something here has landed, I’d love to hear from you. I have space right now, and I’m particularly interested in working with people in engineering. Drop me a message.

19/08/2026

Well ... I never expected to find myself sharing a screen with His Majesty the King! (OK I'm quite small .... but I'm there 😂)

But that's what happens when you show up for a training session at Harwell Campus 😎

18/08/2026

I work with LGBTQ+ professionals in technical fields – engineering, science, consultancy.

But as I’m bringing this front-and-centre of my work, I’ve realised that my direct experience is stronger in some areas than others. There is some work I’d like to do to smooth my response curve.

I’m looking for three people, specifically in engineering or closely related technical fields, to work with intensively over the coming months. In exchange for your time and candid feedback, I’m offering this at no cost.

If you’re feeling stuck – in your work, your leadership, or just in the shape of your life – and you think this might be for you, drop me a message and we’ll have a conversation.

And if you’re not the right person but you recognise someone who might be – please pass this on.

Photo: Bulat843 from Pexels

17/08/2026

Quite a respectable aspiration?

14/08/2026

In a previous job, I played small for so long that I genuinely forgot what I was capable of.

Many of my clients report this too – they have been filtering so hard, and for so long, that they’ve got used to the dimmer light. They’ve started to believe it. “This is just how bright I am.”

When this happens, the first work isn’t about changing how you show up for others. It’s about getting back in touch with what’s actually there. Recognising your own light. Owning it. Knowing it as truly yours.

There’s no requirement to let anyone else see it. You can live in quiet contentment, knowing your own worth, without performing it for the world. That’s a legitimate choice.
But most people – once they remember what they contain, and become confident in it again – find they want to share it in some way.
That’s often where things get interesting.

When did you last feel fully bright?

01/08/2026

22/07/2026

I've occasionally mentioned The ManKind Project . If this is of interest, please contact Diego.

Or I'm happy to share my own experience and opinions.

03/07/2026

Stellar cast! This promises to be an amazing show!

11/06/2026

"Bring your whole self to work."

I've always found that phrase exhausting.

My whole self is a glorious, many-splendoured thing. I can hold a theatre entranced playing a Shakespeare Fool. I can sing pianissimo in a crowded pub and make people stop talking. I contain multitudes. They don't travel light, and some of them fight me for control.

My workplace is not equipped to handle all of that. Frankly, neither is yours.

The phrase sounds generous – an invitation to stop hiding, stop editing, stop performing the sanitised professional version of yourself. And the impulse behind it is right - hiding is exhausting - editing has a cost.

But "bring your whole self" sets up an impossible standard and then makes you feel like a coward for not meeting it. It turns authenticity into a duty, a performance of a different kind. What actually helps is simpler:

Be yourself.

Not all of yourself – that's not what any professional context wants, or is equipped to receive. But the real you: your humour; your values; your way of seeing things; your genuine response to the room; the parts that make you recognisable; the parts you've been quietly leaving at the door – they are welcome.

This is not a heavy lift; it's a relaxation, implemented with grace and control.

What's the difference, in your experience, between being yourself at work and performing a version of yourself?

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Photo: Graham as Lucio in Measure for Measure, Sinodun Players, 2024.
Credit: Gareth Clark.